It has been said that the Mountain West conference is “At the Peak,” and to me, nothing illustrates that more, than the fact that there are 12 teams competing in the only NCAA Division 1 conference that sponsors e-sports. Of course, since the matches are played head-to-head, Boise State has an advantage because they tint the monitors blue, and play with all blue avatars; an advantage that is confirmed in their winning of League of Legends and Overwatch, but with the Spring season being cut, next year the Mountain West has announced that they will be playing Mario Kart 8, for the Nintendo Switch. Due to the large amounts of people in the Mountain West cities suddenly having $1200 burning a hole in their pocket, every store that sells Nintendo Switch has sold out of their allotment; yes, even, Amazon. So, thus the conundrum becomes: How can these players, prospects, and ordinary people practice in order to “git gud” as the gamers would say? Well, that’s where I come in. For, you see, since I am allowed out on the streets again, finally, due to both my prison sentence being cut short, and my work being determined to be “essential,” I had the time to scope out some places. Alas, while my cough and fever are not improving as much as I had hoped since I last got back from Italy, I did manage to find some time to visit all of the Mountain West cities in order to find the easiest place to get a Switch and Mario Kart 8 location. For simplicity’s sake, I am going by the football stadium since it’s a well-defined point in most locations – San José State fans, the football stadium is that big ovoid building at the corner of E Alma Ave, and S 7th St… It’s the place where the people aren’t on Saturday’s is September. Should you get hungry during your travels, I have also managed to find a some breakfast locations in the same vicinity

Mountain

Air Force

Okay, so I lied a little; I tried to get into the university, but, unfortunately the men with guns wouldn’t actually let me get beyond the gate on S Gate Rd, and I was still a little jet-lagged having just gotten in from Frankfurt after having woken up for my 0610 flight for the Linate to Frankfurt leg (stupid weather prevented the flight from Denver to ABQ, but my loss is your gain). So, while this may not be the closest, it certainly will fit the bill. Tyler-Jay Rowland who lives at 3075 Navigation Drive, in Colorado Springs was more than willing to help out, especially since his son, Jeremiah, was grounded for a month for staying out after curfew two weekends in a row. As the falcon flies, this location is 5.2 miles away; in a car, it’s not too much further than that.

Boise State

Now, I don’t, technically, hate the way that Boise is laid out with the river running right through the center of town, but even though Maci Drew lives in the Clearwater Apartments, unit 323, which is in a straight line, only a quarter of a mile from the stadium, you will have to go the Exxtramile, to get to her apartment. Also, she would like me to point out, that times for a waitress like herself are a little rough, so please, if you’re hungry, skip Taco Bell, and eat at the Bar Gernika in downtown Boise, right next to the Central Plaza and Century Link Arena. “We have wifi” she said.

Colorado State

This is, by far, the most remarkable location; I had completely forgotten that they moved to an on-campus stadium, so I initially went to the Hughes Stadium location, and found a big pile of dirt. And not much else – well, if you exclude the trees that formed a nice line, that brought me back to my college days. Having corrected my too old Garmin in-car GPS, I found Tim Thatcher on 604 Balsam Ln; he’s a little deaf, so you might need to knock like you are ram-ing down the door. He bought the Switch after his wife of 35 years died to help him grieve and spend his retirement, “but it’s just making me too sad lately, and I’ve never been very good at vid’ya [sic] games. I still don’t know how I’m supposed to save the princess when she’s trying to beat me… That reminds me of my princess, who I lost last year. She was so kind, we met in high school, I had an onion on my belt as was the style in those days. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.” I’ll be honest, at this point I started zoning out because, again, fever. He honestly looked really sad as I was talking to him, so you might want to try to cheer him up, since he’s just a lonely guy bein’ a dude. In a straight line distance, you’re only going .3 miles, and it’s not too much further by car.

New Mexico

This is by far the closest location to the stadium. The UNM Lobo Club is a non-essential business in the state of New Mexico, and UNM and the Athletics Department realized that funding would need to be cut dramatically throughout the state, and with the sweetheart deal they got from the legislature this year, they decided to close all athletic facilities, including the Maloof building, home of both Eddie Nuñez’s office, and the Lobo Club. I suggest using the side door closest to the field level entrance of the stadium. That’ll take you to the weight room; an alarm will go off, the code is “1892” the year the football team first played (interesting tidbit: the marching band was founded in 1889, the same year as the university); from there enter the main hallway, and go to the first door on the left after you pass the restrooms. The last time I was there, they had a vending machine that dispensed free Mountain Dew; I was howl-ing with laughter after I found that. Also, if you see Señor Manta, say “Hola!” he’s been down on his luck since his family were killed in the accident, and now he wanders the street like a lone Lobo.

Utah State

It was like a bomb went off. No one was around; maybe they were busy playing Farmer, or having a bonfire out in the dirt behind the stadium, wit their brown-eyed girls, but Jeff Field’s dorm room, Aggie Village Community building 17, first floor, third window from the right (he leaves it unlocked, so don’t worry about access) has a Switch just sitting there on the bed, as though he borrowed it from someone, but never managed to return it before he left. Go on, take it, just say that it was yours and he left it, no one will check.

Wyoming

Cowboys and Cowgirls are just different, I guess; I could not find a Nintendo Switch in town for the life of me. I found many Switchblades, Light switches, and many wooden rods, so I took my horse down to Cheyenne, and found a recently laid-off Subway Sandwich Artist called Dom, who knew just where to look. He directed me to 803 West 21st St, Suite B. He told me, “yeah, the guy who runs this storefront, has a little son, about 6 years old. He keeps a Switch in his desk’s keyboard tray for when he picks his son up from school.” Because of the ordeal in Laramie, I asked him to clarify, and he did, “yeah… Nintendo switch.” He said as he looked around shiftily. If that doesn’t work you can always try Suite C, I heard they stock Switches… oh wait, not that kind.” I was going to ask him for more information, but he entered what looked like an abandoned brick building just passed the railroad tracks, “You didn’t see me,” he said. And I also didn’t hear the gunshots that went off as I walked back to my car.

Table View

School	Distance Driving (mi)	Straight Line Distance (mi)	Drive/Drone Difference	Variance (from all schools)A
Air Force	8.44	5.22	3.22	0.047
Boise State	1.00	0.282	0.718	1.069
Colorado State	0.420	0.312	0.108	1.792
New Mexico	0.206	0.191	0.015	1.920
Utah State	0.444	0.305	0.139	1.751
Wyoming	47.90	40.69	7.21	4.894

A: Variance is calculated based upon DDD’s distance from the standard deviation of DDD… Why DDD? Because, DDD is King.

West

Note: SDSU currently does not field an Esports team; I am including them because it seems likely that they will in the near future

Hawai’i

Hawai’i is interesting because the Honolulu airport has a much better open air location than the El Paso airport; there’s a water path, it’s weird man, it reminds me a lot of the Tiki Room at Disn… oh, yeah, Hawai’i, Polynesia, that makes sense. Anyway, the stadium is home to the largest swap meet’s I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, I did not find any Switches, but I did find a guy swapping Macadamia Nut cookies for a few dollars, so naturally, I bought some. It started to rain, so even though many people are Rainbow Warriors or Wahine, as the women prefer to be called, I am not. I stopped in at the ‘Aeia Public Library for a spell, and my phone was dead, so I needed a place to charge for a bit. The nice librarian, Akela (“it means graceful,” I was told. After I asked, “like the wolf-spirit in Hindi myths?”), pointed out, that, “We loan out all sorts of stuff here; pots, pans, sewing machines. Believe it or not, we even rent out video game systems. Our most popular is probably the Nintendo Switch, but we also have a couple of Xbox’s and PS4’s.” I guess I looked very shocked because Akela continued, “with the military surrounding us, we, the library system, get a lot of goods from contractors who don’t want to have a lot of their goods shipped back to the mainland.” Seeing how much it cost to ship out, I completely understood, and bid ¬¬Akela aloha, and failed the Hawai’I test by passing out at the nearest Embassy Suites, in Kapolei, if I remember correctly (I probably don’t, I was tired).

Fresno State

A nice cow brought me to Clovis. Much like what happened in Las Vegas, it was not the cool one, but instead the one in California. She (I saw udders), brought me specifically to 264 Clovis Ave, and said, “what you seek, from my master, is in there.” I’m not sure if it was my fever, jet-lag, a combination of them, or something else entirely, but then the cow vanished as though she was just a thing on the internet. A stray puppy passed by me in downtown, so that was probably the highlight of the trip.

Nevada (Reno)

Look, I’ll be honest, Reno to me always makes me feel like I’m going to be leaving the city without one or both of my kidneys. I don’t know why I expect Renoirs to chew my body like a Pack of Wolves, but there you are. Diedre Thomas of 128 Keystone Ave, fell on hard times. She poured herself a glass of vodka, neat, and said, “you can have anything you want,” she paused briefly to wink at me, “for the right price.” I specifically enquired about the Switch, “Anything,” she replied. She pulled out what appeared to be a small glass bowl that looked like an incense holder, and a baggie of chalk dust, and… Oh my god, she was going to smoke cocaine. Anyway, as she pulled out the pulled out the baggie, I hastily took my leave. I then went to the airport and went to my next stop….

Nevada – Las Vegas

Can you believe parents still bring their children, like elementary school aged children to Las Vegas. And it’s not the cool Las Vegas, in New Mexico, it’s the one in Nevada; well, I guess, technically they bring their kids to Paradise, and not Las Vegas, but c’mon man, there isn’t that much difference. Anyway, head to the Excalibur hotels because Carla, the housekeeper said that on average 3 Switches get left by guests every day. I then felt really depressed while walking around the hotel, so I left to check out the Mirage, where I normally stay on these Mountain West trips. I also learned that if there’s one thing that freaks me out more than the throngs of people walking the Strip, it’s when there’s nobody around. Once the new stadium gets completed it will be vastly easier to get to the casino than at the current location.

San Diego State

I stayed with Dominic, at his house of Friars Road. I was starting to feel sick to my stomach with the lack of green chile, so it was so enjoyable to spend time with a fellow New Mexican (and my roommate junior year). He took me on a little tour: Balboa Park’s stadium (home of the former Harbor Bowl, and the first tie in UNM Football history), the USS Midway, and Ocean Beach. I had forgotten about the assignment until I looked down at my feet and found a working Switch. When it was still there after an hour, I borrowed a small boat, realised, I need a bigger boat and headed out to the Ocean. Having claimed rights, I then put it back, so you might also find it.

San José State

Look, there are a lot of people who depart from the San Jose Airport. The kids who travel on these flights are slightly scatter-brained because of the adrenaline of taking a plane ride (and passing through the checkpoint), and leave some of their electronics, and I found a shoe! A shoe! Who only puts one shoe on and then walks-off? It was an adult shoe, so it’s not like a child/toddleparent left it, no, someone made a conscious decision to leave their shoe… Maybe it was a protest? Anyway, just tell the guy that you left your Switch at the checkpoint, if he asks you what color it was say, it had yellow grips that slide off, but the screen was bounded by black.

Table View

School	Distance Driving (mi)	Straight Line Distance (mi)	Drive/Drone Difference	Standard Deviation (all schools)A
Fresno State	4.46	3.28	1.18	0.644
Hawai’i	1.420	0.696	0.784	1.001
Nevada (Reno)	2.410	1.69	0.720	1.067
Nevada – Las Vegas (SBS)b	18.426	8.93	11.258
Nevada – Las Vegas (NVS)c	2.125	0.590	1.535	0.391
San Diego State	9.861	8.08	1.78	0.252
San José State	6.575	4.60	1.975	0.164

A: Variance is calculated based upon DDD’s distance from the standard deviation of DDD… Why DDD? Because, DDD is King.
b: Sam Boyd Stadium
c: New Vegas Stadium (Allegiant Field)

Conclusion

Even if the stores are sold out of Switches, there are always places you can go to get them, some are definitely within walking distance of your house, maybe even right next door. If you do choose to do that, there are a few things to keep in mind: 1. Milk 2. Eggs, specifically from Natural Grocers, if they still have member pricing. 3. Chicken thighs
Wait, that was my grocery list for last week.

1. Basque food is amazing.
2. The addresses are real, any businesses mention are real; the people mentioned or alluded to (with exception to the person who has an office in Clovis, CA; and Dominic in SD) are fake.
3. No, I do not know who lives at the addresses, and unless you can look it up in the phone book, I recommend that you don’t either. Please don’t bother them.
4. No, I am not sick… I have a lingering cough from allergies to junipemesquite pollen.
5. I have not visited Colorado Springs/Fort Collins/Laramie/Reno/San José/Honolulu, yet.
6. Information for the other cities comes from my memory
7. I remember when Park MGM was the Monte Carlo
8. Is Secret Pizza still at the Cosmo? I don’t remember seeing it the last time I was there, but that might have been because I was on the wrong floor.
9. Toss a coin to your witcher.
10. Normal people stop listing things at 10, but
11. This list goes up to 11.

In the twilight of his illustrious career having been Bundesliga top scorer for Werder Bremen, "Kugelblitz" Ailton found himself looking for another paycheck. Aptly named Austrian side Cashpoint Altach thought, what the hell. Let's send him an offer, worst thing is we get rejected. To their surprise he signed, probably thinking: it's just a bit further south, they speak German too, how different can it be.
 
He was in for a rude awakening.
 
After getting beaten 0:1 by SV Josko-Windows Ried in front of a measly 5000 people in the Cashpoint "Arena" he did not mince words to the camera crew.
 

I have 35 years old, I have played football for a long time. But I have never seen a game like today. For me that's not professional team, not professional football. Incredible. I have one hour maybe, no shoot on goal, no ball for me, no pass. The team doesn't know which position on the field, no system, nothing. I have never seen football like today.
  How difficult was it, you didn't even have an opportunity to shoot.  
Is difficult, for a striker this football, is hard. The best striker in the world playing in a team like this is no goal, is unbelieve. Only long ball, long ball. This isn't football. This isn't football.
  What has to improve?  
Is no idea, I don't know. Maybe back to Brazil! (laughs)

 
I knew exactly what he meant.
 
As a little kid in a football-lacking household my godfather took me to my first game. On the 17th of May 2004 Rapid Vienna faced the now defunct (a running theme here) Casino Bregenz. Literally nothing happened. Your typical Austrian league match makes me question my conclusion but I still think this is the worst game I have ever seen. See for yourself
My love for this sport could have ended there and then. (Might explain why this little kid started liking Liverpool. I'm a plastic but I've made my bed. Now I thank the gods I lie in it.)
 
So it sure isn't the quality on the pitch, why do foreign players then even bother coming here?
 
After all Sadio Mane put up with this, Naby Keita put up with this, Mario Kempes, Antonin Panenka, Trifon Ivanov and Maradona.
Yes THE Maradona graced the league for a little while. At least genetically speaking in form of his brother Hugo.
Even Keisuke Honda is invested in Austrian football. He bought 2rd division side SV Horn, probably with limited success. (I say probably, I tried searching for the table on their website, it says "The requested page could not be found") I've heard the locals aren't too fond of the sushi either.
 
Is it the thrill of playing in front of packed stadiums?
 
The average attendance is 6-7000, skewed by heavyweights Rapid. As many as seven teams are below 5000 (an eighth just above 5k), the lowest: SV Mattersburg with 2039. And this is the average attendance we're talking about, 530 people turned up to their first cup game.
 
At least the facilities should be good right? I mean it's a top division in Europe.
 
Imagine you're playing for TSV Prolactal Hartberg.
Your home ground is the 4500 seat Profertil Arena you need to endure 11 times a season. 6000 people live in that town. Profertil by the way, their slogan is "Speed for Sperm", widely displayed on their kits.
 
What is it then, why does this shitshow exist?
 
The thing is, no matter where you are, no matter how shit the match is, you're still watching football. It's an intrinsic part of our lives. Nothing beats getting plastered and watching a game with your mates. My friends and I have a soft spot for Mattersburg because they're known for paticularly shit football (and that says something) and the fact that their main supporter stand literally is a grassy knoll. It's great fun to pretend like you're ultras there, next to two bewildered natives and the opposition goalkeeper who you are screaming obscenities at for 45 minutes straight.
Probably the only thing world class in Austria is the support of a handful of clubs. Visiting Rapid Vienna's ground, a friend from Frankfurt who came along first described it as a children's birthday party compared to them but still left feeling impressed. We were in the ultra sector for this game https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVTv7S7oqgw
Cheap tickets, safe standing, singing all game, you can stand wherever you want, people all around you drinking beer, smoking cigarettes and weed, pyro – a far cry from the sanitised environment of the Premier League. As a supporter I go to the ground wanting to influence the game as much as possible. And there I get the feeling this is what I want Liverpool to have.
 
Maybe the league isn't so bad after all.
Hope you enjoyed my ramble about this strange place. I see a lot of anti-ultra sentiment on this sub ("they're just hooligans" that sort of thing), which especially from an English perspective I can understand. But if you ever find yourself on the continent take a peek at what it looks like first hand. I've been to Anfield so it's not like I'm completely in the dark about what English stadiums are like.

Paderborn Vs Dusseldorf Betting Preview The best home team in the division is host to the fifth worst team in the division. Paderborn is currently located on the third place on the table and fight for entry into higher rankings. At home have a ratio of: 8-3-2 and are the best host team in league. Dusseldorf is currently on the 14th place at the table, 7 points above relegation. On away turf have a ratio of: 3-6-5. Paderborn Vs Dusseldorf Betting Odds At Bet365 Paderborn 1.70, Draw 3.60, Dusseldorf 5.00 Paderborn Vs Dusseldorf Betting Tips Paderborn continues to play in a good form, as the promotion dream still continues for them as they even now challenge Greuther Furth for the second position having same number of points, but also six points more than fourth placed side. They won 3:1 away from home against Frankfurt last weekend. They went very aggressive into the game, were able to come easy to the goalscoring chances and used the opponent's goalkeeper errors, to score the first two goals easily. Run of undefeated game continues to four games now, while their atmosphere can't be much better with the side having unique chance to claim the promotion. Wemmer (defender; 22/0; three goals) and Hartherz (defender; 10/1) are injured in Paderborn. Fortuna Dusseldorf, on the other side, comes from a goalless draw at home against Ingolstadt last weekend. They had initiative during the game, have created dangerous situation, but mostly in last fifteen minutes of the match. If any of the teams were entitled to more, that surely were the hosts. A victory would give them the stability in next weeks, while the major problems remains with scoring goals and creating good opportunities. They are without a victory in last five games, having scored only two times. For Fortuna Bellinghausen (midfielder; 9/1; one goal), Latka (defender; 17/0; two goals), Bomheuer (defender; 11/1), Bolly (striker; 8/3), Balogun (defender; 8/3), Schmidtgal (midfielder; 4/6), Lambertz (midfielder; 20/1), Bebou (striker; 0/1) and Erat (midfielder; 12/0; two goals) are injured. Kay Facts Paderborn have won their last five home matches in 2.Bundesliga Paderborn have won their last three matches against Fortuna Dusseldorf Prediction Everything except sixth straight victory for the home side would be a huge surprise as the visitors struggle to score, but also come without few important players, plus surely lack some quality in comparison to hot promotional candidates from Paderborn.
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