100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh

So like many stories here this did not happen today but about 8 years ago. If you are looking for another naughty tifu, sorry to disappoint, nothing spicy here. Not even sure if there is a lesson to be learned... Also - english not first language, formating mobile, yada yada...
So this all started with a joke where I created a false identity meeting a few new friends who did not know me before over a weekend for shits and giggles. So the old friends were in it and just called me by a different name and the new ones got to know me by this new name - funny stuff and by the end of the weekend I even reacted to my new fake name on reflex just like my actual name. Coming home I started to change my internet persona to this fake name - facebook, whatsapp, etc and thought well that's good for my privacy, since my friends surely knew who it was and no need to give real name to Mr. Zuckerberg and friends. Since then every internet-login which did not really require my real name got this fake-persona which does really help with identifying spam (LPT right here). Of course over time this persona did get his own address, birthday etc - so even if I forgot my password on a random site I could restore it with ease. Everything went fine - people on facebook would congratulate on the wrong day of course but who cares. My closer friends who knew my real birthday would congratulate with things like "happy Tuesday" or similar enjoying the inside joke. Fast forward to the Tifu: 2 years later, I still have my internet-persona, thinking nothing about it when...well... It is my personas birthday and there is a Business-Dinner pre Christmas on my workplace. So I arrive there and the whole staff is sitting in a circle waiting for me - and starts singing happy birthday led by my coworker as soon as I enter "Yeah, I saw you have birthday on Facebook, surprise!". I'm just standing there, stopped dead in my tracks and realising what the fuck ist happening. My brain is on damage prevention mode trying to find a way out while they start to sing the second verse. There is no way I'm going to tell all those singing people that in fact I do not have birthday today - or so I think - well just play along and get this over with. They will be happy to have made me happy with the surprise and I do not have to tell them that they just fell for a 2y old joke... Spoiler: Not the best decision... So they sing their song, I say thank you and can we please start with the food but every damn one of the staff now decides they absolutely want to personally congratulate and hug. Well now it's obviously too late and surely I thank everyone for their best wishes. This took what felt like ages and there only where two or three people left when everything went absolutely downhill as our personal management lady entered and realized what was going on. She is the one responsible for all the birthday present/card stuff in the office and was shocked to seemingly having forgotten my birthday. I'm just standing there like a deer looking into the headlights of impeding doom. "But O. I thought your birthday was in 3 months? Let me check my calendar" - Silence in the whole room - Everybody is looking at me with something between confusion and disgust while I finally admit not having birthday and telling about my fake internet-birthday. Worst christmas dinner ever followed...
TLDR; Had fake birthday on FB, co-workers sang and congratulated, decided to play along and got exposed, followed by a silent and awkward business-christmas-dinner.

hello, cdrama. i discovered this subreddit today and have been on here all day, instead of doing what i'm supposed to (online classes ) this is a long analysis, be warned. i have seen a lot of love for three lives, three worlds, the pillowbook (also known as eternal love of dream) and three lives, three worlds, ten miles of peach blossoms (eternal love)
this post is a discussion/analysis on the relationship between vengo gao and dilraba (who, out of habit, i will refer to as gwg and dlrb). i looked at the sub description beforehand and it said that i could post this bc it's about my favourite actors and it's a discussion. sort of. :)
i'm pretty sure that most here know who i'm talking about, the actors who played feng jiu and dong hua in peach blossoms and the pillowbook. gwg and dlrb have a very interesting and intertwined relationship, that's for sure. i became obsessed with them when i watched peach blossoms and i don't think i'm getting out anytime soon.
i'm going to divide this analysis by "eras".
the early years: 2013-2015
dlrb and gwg met when they were both signed into jaywalk studios, yang mi's studio. they played a couple for their first drama together, V-Love (Ying Dong and Amber) (the drama is available on YT)
they became very good friends, often commenting/reposting on the other's weibo posts. during the years between 2013-2015, the posts were often somewhat flirtatious.
some examples: gwg posting a couple pictures of himself, rb commenting "uncle, you're pretty hot" (2014) (please forgive my poor translations)
drama weibo account posting a bts picture of gwg and rb, gwg saying "she is always by the side, laughing" and rb replies, "because i'm the woman behind your back" (2013)，
on a drama post where they were in together (not as a couple) V-Love drama account posted a picture of them sitting next to eat other making cute faces and gwg comments "classmate amber, for the pilaf tonight, i will fight to the death with you", rb replies "i will try to give you a little bit, just a little bit" (2013) ,
on the occasion where gwg jokes that some hu ge fans misrecognized him as hu ge, rb comments "you are so pitiful, next time, before you take photos, reveal your identity to the fans please", gwg replies "you also look like hu ge" (2013)
gwg makes a joke to li xirui (used to be signed w/ jaywalk) and rb replies "uncle, you dug the hole and jumped in it, is it fun down there?". gwg replies "you should jump down with me! there is still room, it suits you, pang di (dlrb nickname, means fat di)" (2015)
gwg replies to rb regarding inside joke ab drama "in fact, the first time you gave me that, i rejected you" (2015)
on 05/20/15, rb reposts a video of gwg being "flirty" (haha that's a joke ) w his male costar saying "i should be under the car, not inside the car, so i don't see how cute you guys are" gwg replies, "such a special day, is that all you say to me? girlfriend! " (context: May 20th in chinese sounds like "i love you" so it's used as a day to tell your crush you like them) (2015)
gwg reposts a selfie of him and dlrb (that she originally posted) and captions it "post kill" (homophone w sofa) , rb replies "what are you doing? trying to act cool like the city people - o -" gwg replies "countryside people wouldn't get it - o -" (2015)
YT link: sword of legends press conference video <-- dlrb sticks to gwg like a magnet
it is well known that rb likes chibi Maruko-chan and gwg posts a selfie titled "classmate hua lun" (he is the love interest of the main character) (2013)
gwg petting her hands & touching her back during V-Love press conference (2014)
awards show: gwg posting a picture of himself in a hotel room in the background a pair of very, very tall heels were seen (rb was the only one who's shoes were not seen in pictures out of their studio, she was also much taller than normal) (2014)
airport photos: gwg captions some airport candids of him and rb "... the question is, reba, when did you go from pang di (fat di) to a goddess?" (2014)
YT link to press conference of Mr. Pride vs Ms. Prejudice (w/ english subtitles) there's shorter videos, but those don't have english subtitles. for those who don't watch it, the way rb acts, it's like gwg is the male lead and not zhang yunlong (leon zhang).
an interview was filmed w/ the two of them called "Revealing the Drama Truth", jaywalk promoted it, and there were promo photos of them in the room, but even after the promo, it was very soon deleted off the face of the earth, never to see light again. people who saw it says that rb says "let's become public [their relationship]" to gwg. articles have been written about those lines, but are very quickly deleted. very very suspicious...
i could go on for "the early years" but i'm tired ( there's so more)
con.: the chinese weibo community has a slight general consensus that they became official around 04/17/13 bc of matching weibo posts about being happy on the same date and a weird post from gwg ab flowers (captions flowers "looking at it, she really is beautiful" flowers' pronoun is not she) generally, during these years, they were still little, and dlrb wasn't popular at all (not to even mention gwg) so they were sweet and cute.
the era of peach blossoms: 2016-2017
much less weibo activity: dlrb becomes much more famous during peach blossoms
rb posts a meme describing how the longer she stays at taichen palace, the more debts she has to repay dijun, and captions it "changed a way of chasing him." gwg replies "today, we add another [debt]" rb replies, "the heartless gao weiguang" (2017)
gwg posts scene of fengjiu saying "when i woke up, there were a pair of eyes looking at me, so affectionate that you could squeeze water out of them." (remember when they were in the mortal realm and she saved dijun from drowning? ) and the third picture is of him in fengjiu's arms with the line beneath it changed to "because i am the affectionate gao weiguang" (reference to his weibo name , the affectionate gao weiguang) and captions it "no problems seen here". (2017)
peach blossom promo post: rb captions a drawing of fengjiu with "i will be in the peach blossom forest and turn into fengjiu, disregarding three lives, doesn't matter which three worlds, all only for you." (2017)
on february 13th, rb takes a selfie with YSL perfume, captioning it "fengjiu truly likes dijun like no other, with this "lose soul fruit", i don't believe that this 10,000 year old metal tree won't flower"on february 14th, gwg takes a picture of him looking at the same exact YSL perfume, captions it "since it is the day of lovers, i would like to see how powerful this "lose soul fruit" is" maybe rb gave it to gwg? (2017)
january 9th, 2017: reba livestreams-- comments ask if she's eaten, she says "wei (weiguang)- I have already ordered takeaway" (the chinese word for "I" is wo (我) ), later, you can hear a male voice say "seafood noodles" and at various times you can hear the male voice again. during the livestream, she also cues gwg, saying "your guang uncle (nickname for gwg), weiguang, gao tiantian (another nickname), i also bully him" laughs...
press conference for peach blossoms <-- interesting unable to open water bottle and hands it conveniently over zhang binbin to gwg, other cute onstage moments ( :( no english subs) (2017)
YT link to when they were on happy camp together <-- at 2:46, gwg says "i do" to rb, and her eyes are teary. (this is where i started shipping them!!!11!!) (reminiscent of wedding vows much?) (2017)
i couldn't find one video where all the bts for peach blossoms is posted, but if you watch all the bts for peach blossoms you will find that they are really very cute. (ex. piggy back riding rb, rb fixing his hair while he carries her, them playing little hand games (very similar to zhao liying and feng shaofeng bts from the monkey king 3) , various teasing rb times, saying to rb in english, "hey yo what's up baby" (the subtitles only wrote "hey yo what's up" but if you read his lips, he says "baby". (tmpb was filmed in 2016)
peach blossoms cast interviews: gwg says that rb often steals his phone while he's playing video games and only hands it back when his phone is out of battery, in a diff. interview rb says she will often go into his wechat (chinese whatsapp) and send random texts to his friends, leaving gwg to explain what happened (this interview is on paper) (2017)
rb is asked "do you think that any sparks flew while you and gao weiguang were filming?" she says "gao weiguang and i have no sparks." and laughs sheepishly for a long time. (we like to compare this interview question to where dijun asks fengjiu "what is the relationship between your aunt and kunlun xu?" and fengjiu replies "my aunt and kunlun xu are not related in any way" (2017)
rb is asked what is the most sexy thing a man can do and she says "watching you" she is also asked what the most sexy thing a woman can do and she says "winking". gwg is asked the latter question and he also says "winking". (2017? )
okay there's much more for this but this is a pretty good amount of the stuff for the peach blossom years~ con: from the bts, still pretty clear that they have something going on...
the era of drought: 2018-2019
during the years of 2018-2019, dlrb was massively hated on for two reasons: ludi cp & golden eagle goddess award. ludi cp is the shipping of luhan (EXO) and reba because of a variety show that she participated in, running man. when luhan made his relationship public w/ guan xiaotong, reba started getting massive amounts of hate. reba also won the golden eagle award which also garnered hate as she was up against yang zi and people thought she didn't deserve it.
dlrb did not have any dramas air in 2019. generally, both of them stayed on the down-low.
pillowbook was filmed in 2018.
one cute moment gwg went on an interview show (very quiet distance) with jing li, who had filmed a clip of reba describing him and then asked him to describe reba. YT link to said part of interview
link to gwg wishing dlrb a happy birthday ← rb hosts a birthday party with her fans and has a video of various celebrity friends wishing her happy birthday
link to douyin video ← reba copies gwg’s douyin (tiktok) to wish a happy new year (2019)
link to pillowbook press conference ← they’ve become less obvious, haven’t they?
i don’t remember there being that much during these two years, which is why it’s called the drought.
the era of the pillowbook: 2019-2020
technically speaking, 2018 sort of counts, but we didn’t actually get the content until 2020. around 12/19, the broadcasting date for the pillowbook was confirmed. it started airing on 01/22/20.
tencent filmed “four lives four worlds” as reactions and little skits for promo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx0rU9ZbJjg (reaction)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39OXGY3Vuvo (reaction)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZKiRvfXSHo (reaction)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qm02_7gJ1ks (reaction)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQ9NhgsgOWU (reaction)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7aLJAAYH30 (skit)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNFSMo6tk_g (skit)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zKuAHnT4QY (skit)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebp3gLHmF68 (skit)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YyBEkAaBiI (skit)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX2U9lzuaIY (skit)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6tjBtn_IfI (skit)
there’s not a lot of bts of these two together (we’ll discuss), but the ones that exist are also on YT for you to watch.
when the drama aired its final episode, both gwg and dlrb posted farewell videos.
dlrb’s:
”今天晚上，我们的《三生三世枕上书》就已经大结局了。可以说心里的石头放下了吧，因为从16年认识到小九，到18年再次去把她更加饱满的呈现在观众朋友面前。
从我16年演凤九开始去做一些，小动物的一些功课，再到后面18年再次去演枕上书里的凤九，我觉得她其实已经是在这两年，像一个成长线一样，和我本人是一起成长的那种。。。
希望在她的世界里，可以有对她永远偏爱，可以永远有人一直宠爱她。其实，从一开始，我就觉得东华喜欢凤九，所以从一开始他们相遇，再到中间一堆的事件，矛盾，冲突，再到后来，两个人有了滚滚，我觉得这都是一个像一种人生的一个阶段一样。
现在想要对东华说，希望，在未来，你可以永远把她当作自己的小狐狸，永远宠爱她，然后如果小九有什么，就是，呃，淘气的地方（突然感觉把自己女儿交给别人）淘气的地方，希望你可以永远都摸摸她的鼻子，跟她说，没关系，我会在。然后，呃，还有一点点就是希望你能够去，跟其他女人保持距离（笑）因为，因为小九她是一个很爱吃醋然后又很，很有性格的女孩儿。所以我希望东华可以对小九永远偏爱，一直宠爱她，无限的坦诚。就比如说像之前姬衡那么久的事情，希望你早点说是不是？就是有什么话当下把这事就给解决了，好吧？这就是对东华说的，希望你可以永远爱凤九。(the actual words for chinese readers)
“tonight, our “three lives, three worlds, the pillowbook” will air its final episode. it can be said that all the rocks in the heart have been let go, as from 2016 when i first met xiao jiu, to 2018, when i could more completely portray her to the audience.
from 2016 when i first portrayed fengjiu, i did some homework on animal like movements, and to the next time i portrayed her in 2018, i feel that she had a lot of character development, like a character development arc, like myself… (talks ab her development)
i hope that in her world, [he] can forever favour her, forever dote on her. in fact, from the beginning, i believed that donghua liked fengjiu, so from their first meeting, to all the things between, to when they have gungun, i think this is similar to the stages in a person’s life.
now i want to say to donghua, i hope that in the future, you will forever cherish her as your little fox, forever favour her, forever dote on her. and if xiao jiu has any, um, naughty/troublemaking tendencies, you will always pet her nose and tell her, “it’s okay, i am always here.”. and also, uh, hope you can keep your distance with other girls (laughs), because, because, uh, xiao jiu really likes to be jealous, and is also, has a very specific type of personality. so i hope that donghua will always favour xiao jiu and always dote on her. and also be limitlessly truthful. like for example that whole thing with ji heng? i wish that you had said something sooner. like, if there’s anything you have, solve it better sooner than later, okay? this is what i have to say to donghua, i hope you will love fengjiu forever.” (trans. i did my best forgive me ;( )
gwg’s:
“对凤九，我想说的是，虽然之前有很多误会，但是我们有一颗彼此相爱的心，我们会长长久久的走下去，还有就是，不用吃醋了，我只爱你一个人，我从一开始就只爱你。
那些，我的情敌们，虽然你们没有什么竞争力，小燕，叶青缇，萌少，沉晔，沉晔是我自己，不要了，当然还有一个最没有竞争力的司命，你们各自珍重。”
“to fengjiu, i want to say, even though we had a lot of misunderstandings, but we had a heart that loved each other. we will last through the ages… and, also, don’t be jealous anymore, i only love you, from the start, i’ve only loved you.
also, my rivals in love, even though you guys didn’t have much considerable competitive strength, xiao yan, ye qingti, meng shao, chen ye (wait, chen ye is myself, never mind), and of course the least competitive si ming, take care of yourselves.”
(dis. i’ve cut both farewell messages for the more important parts) even though they were posted on the same day, from the outfits they were wearing, you can tell that dlrb filmed hers while she filmed four lives four worlds (around october 2019) and gwg filmed his the same day of his livestream (march 2020)
did you notice something? rb’s was filmed first, and gwg’s was a “reply” of sorts. (“don’t be jealous”, “i’ve only ever loved you”) another thing to mention: fengjiu is notoriously known for not being jealous, (anyone who’s read the book knows), she wasn’t jealous of ji heng, she was just sad that dijun chose ji heng. however, dlrb has said in interviews that she is a jealous girlfriend. also, while rb’s is said in the format of reba telling donghua this and that, gwg directly used the pronouns “I” and “you”.
weibo posts: on lvzhou, rb posts a picture of a manga show where the main character is eating crab legs, captions it “suddenly i really want to eat [crab legs]!!! but i myself am only brave enough to eat crab leg meat” the same day, gwg posts a picture of himself in a hotel room in a position (to me) that looks like a crab, captions “what should i eat for a late night snack?” also to be mentioned: gwg is dressed in the same outfit he wore when he had a promo event (not for pillowbook) with reba (confirmed same day with a specific flyaway hair (yes i know we’re slightly crazy) ) (03/24/2020)
lvzhou: rb posts another manga show screenshot of a character going to eat hotpot, gwg posts a picture of hotpot seasoning (same day ish), rb captions the picture “the hand is so cute!”, 5 days before she posted that, gwg had posted a picture of a plastic paw, captioning it “cute” (04/02/2020)
bts bits: we’ll analyze more later, but here’s specific moments from the very little bts they’ve given us: ng-ing during a kiss scene, holding hands underwater during the water scene, singing together, gwg makes a cute face at rb while they walk through a scene, rb stumbles while they listen to the director and gwg pulls her into his arms (originally i thought they were walking through the scene, but then you can tell that the worker next to reba moves to catch her so she did actually fall)
analysis time:
okay i’ve given a general timeline and all that’s involved within the different eras (of course we could go deeper within the specific eras, but then i would most definitely go over the word limit and procrastinate my online classes even more), so it’s some time for analysis.
the general guangre (that’s the ship name of gwg & dlrb, it means light-heat) fan consensus is that they started dating around 2013-2014, and are still together now.
from “the early years” body language, it’s pretty clear that they both like each other, and i do believe that they were together by the time gwg calls her “girlfriend” on 05/20/2015. they really were so adorable in their fetus years.
they were the most obvious (on camera) during the peach blossom era. the numerous flirtatious games, teasing, piggyback rides, staring at rb during variety shows, and my personal favourite, where they make their “vows” to accompany each other during happy camp and reba smiles at him like he’s her entire world and her eyes have tears in them-- you cannot deny that they were dating/in love at that time.
during the “drought”, 2018/2019, i personally believe that they were still together. they filmed pillowbook during 2018 and both reba and gwg said that 2018 was a meaningful year for them, and the bts shows that they’re still sweet and cute. now, many have made the argument that they are not as sweet as they were in the peach blossoms bts, which i do think is true, but you also have to consider another factor at play here: jaywalk. (remember this. this is important.)
four lives four worlds was filmed during the end of 2019, and we have cute moments such as reba turning back to squeeze gwg’s sweater, reba complaining to gwg that he left her at their wedding when he said “boyfriend level max” when he handed the ring to her, the interesting fact that rb turned around to look directly at gwg when they kissed onscreen. and the most ground evidence we have for 2020 are the farewell messages.
i think that i have proved my point about their relationship up to this point. now to some interesting treatment of them.
jaywalk, you suck:
jaywalk studios is the studio that both dlrb, gwg, yang mi, zhang binbin, zhang yunlong, liu ruilin, etc. are signed to. jaywalk did not promote dlrb until she unexpectedly became famous after diamond lovers and peach blossoms. jaywalk did not promote gwg (to the point that they didn’t give him a male lead role until he auditioned for candle in the tomb himself and fans petitioned for him for pillowbook, and he wasn’t even set to play donghua dijun in peach blossoms, it was the director that changed it) and still does a pretty sucky job at promoting him even though he’s become much more popular within the last 3 months of pillowbook airing.
even though they’ve starred together in 7 products, there’s only three where they are a couple (the first they worked on, V-Love, and peach blossoms & pillowbook-- and 1 movie where he’s the second lead)
jaywalk is notorious for what we call 炒cp (gossip/argue couple) which means to promote the shipping of the two celebrities for more fame( they did it for zhang yunlong & rb (v awkward), zhang binbin & rb, and luhan & rb (where she got numerous hate)) however, a very interesting point to point out is that they have never, ever promoted the shipping of rb & gwg. even when dongfeng (donghua dijun & fengjiu) cp was at its peak during peach blossom airing, they did not say a word, instead, they made a fake video of gwg at a hotel with a double and made it seem like he was in a relationship w/ a mystery girl) (03/2017) (this video can be found on YT)
then, next march, they send another picture of a liya (love interest in candle of the tomb) “coming out of where he lives”, saying he was dating her. {double standard: when he had a kiss scene w/ her and she started laughing, he hit her. when dlrb started laughing, he holds her and asks softly, “what’s wrong?”} (03/2018)
then, next next march, he was filming a drama w/ ma yili. ma yili was recently divorced and a great target. they didn’t even have any pictures this time, they just said that gwg was ma yili’s new boyfriend. (03/2019)
we have a running joke in our shipping community that 每逢三月，送女友 (every march, they gift a new girlfriend)
during the drought era, they had two promo brand events where it was only them two. jaywalk only posted seperate photos and seperate posts of them, not even of them being on the same stage. this is the beginning of the end. mark this, si ming.
the battle of the alices:
as i have mentioned, dilireba’s fans are called alices (爱丽丝, ai li si) (ai= love, li= dilireba, si= fan) most of them are quite obsessive, and all of them hate it when rb is grouped with another man (i’m pretty sure they’ve attacked huang jingyu a bit)
it’s not like they don’t have a good reason, as i have said, rb was massively hated for the ludi shipping. however, they seem to really, really hate gao weiguang.
when jaywalk posted pictures of gwg & rb (si ming?) the alices marched into the comment section of gwg’s pictures and started attacking him. mentioned topics included “he’s not good enough for her” & “he’s an old man” & other not nice things) this was the start of a war that hasn’t ended.
when pillowbook started airing, they said “omg he’s so ugly” “he doesn’t deserve to be costars w/ her” “he’s so old”, “he’s already married & has children”.
when they found out that there was a large following shipping them, they became worse. they dug out old (2012 and before) photos of gwg with his ex girlfriend, they found pictures of him w/ models next to him (still v old photos), as well as a post where someone had posted a picture of baby shoes and tagged him.
it is guangre consensus that we have one confirmed ex-girlfriend, yang yinyin. they broke up before he was an actor. the baby shoes were a satirical jab at the tabloid articles saying he had children from a friend, and we can see from bts w/ the gungun actor that he doesn’t know how to act around children.
occasionally, we have a couple jump into our weibo community and start commenting, but they get blocked quickly. they spread rumours ab him, that he’s married and has children.
dis: i’m not saying that all alices are like this, but the vast majority do not like him and attack him. thankfully, gwg does have his own fanbase (that has an average speaking, older age) called donuts, who are not as childish and do not attack rb.
conclusion:
wow. i spent an off and on six ish hours doing this instead of my homework. good job me. i want to know what this subreddit thinks of them/my analysis/research on them!
also i know that generally in american pop culture it is much less popular to ship real people, but i think that if you have the evidence that they’re dating and you don’t actively try and bother the actors (it’s a rule in the weibo community that we can’t use full names or @ their accounts) and stay on the downlow then it’s our own personal opinion free to have.
what do you think of the guangre ship? do you think they’re cute?
​
(edit for visiting photos & link)
hi i just remembered some totally huge thing--
when rb was filming sweet dreams w/ deng lun, we saw leaked photos & videos of gwg on set. he knocked on rb's RV. this is the most solid evidence we've gotten. she filmed sweet dreams sometime near the end of 2017, beginning of 2018.
rb fans logic was that he was there to see the director. in what world do you knock on rb's RV if you want to see the director??
link to pictures
( all in chinese, but you don't need to understand the language to look at pictures)
​
(edit 04/21/20)
it has come to my attention that this post has reached corners away from just this subreddit, and has also been translated to different languages. that makes me really excited!!!
this is an ongoing ship, with ongoing situations and new things happening. one shipper linked me to a soompi forum, and i have since updated that forum with many new happenings of the guangre ship. this link directly links to where i start answering and posting more information (if you're curious)

This is my first time posting here, so I apologise if I’m doing anything wrong.
First of all I’d like to say that I don’t have anything against overweight people. To me, they’re just people and I treat them the same way I would treat any other person. The thing that I cannot stand however is when overweight people (or actually just people in general) become so self righteous and holier than thou that they start criticising other people’s habits and lifestyles while remaining utterly oblivious to their own shortcomings. Another thing I despise with a vengeance is nosy people, especially those who force their company on those who are not necessarily in want of it.
Meet Rosa. Rosa is – generally speaking – a kind hearted girl who is just a bit inept socially. Personally I think that she’s just never had that many friends to begin with so she desperately clings to what little she has. And having never had anyone tell her what she can and can’t do or say, she can be a bit... overwhelming. Her first question to me was whether I am transgender and this was before we had even exchanged first names mind you. Rosa is also rather heavy. Standing about 1.68 (5’51”) metres tall, I’d estimate her weight between 90 and 100 (198 – 220 pounds) kilograms – though I’m not good at guessing and sorry if the conversions are off, I used Google. Rosa is one of those people who do often push themselves onto others whether they want to spend time with her or not. And so with me she had found just the right person. I’m generally a nice person. I like being nice to people regardless of their background, appearance or whatever. But as is usually the case with such people, I suffer from chronic doormat syndrome.
And so I spent more time with Rosa than I actually wanted to, as was the case on this particular day. We had been shopping together and I have to say that it was actually a very nice day. Save for some of the usual occurrences - like her telling me that I look too bony in some jeans (I’m quite on the skinny side) or just commenting on my weight and diet in general – we had fun together and bought some lovely clothes. In her defence I have to say though that I do generally eat quite little. If it wasn’t for my cheat days and lax attitude towards exercise, I’d probably be underweight. Perhaps I already am, I don't know. So when we went to McDonalds she ordered a double cheeseburger and a regular one along with a strawberry milkshake and some chips while I just ordered some chips and water. Yeah, I know, it’s just that I really don’t like McDonalds and I’m a vegetarian anyway so that explains my rather meagre order.
So aside from her somewhat snide remarks (‘You should really eat more, Silver. Men like to have something to hold onto’) we had a fun time making further plans to shop and talk about tv series we like and fantasising about Benedict Cumberbatch.
Anyway we finally head over to my place. I live within walking distance from the city centre in a small room as I’m just a poor student who prefers buying things instead of moving to a slightly bigger flat. As we arrive on the third floor she’s huffing and puffing as if she has just run a marathon though in her defence I have to admit that the building was at some point actually four separate buildings that had been fused into one so it has a rather strange layout, especially in terms of stairs. Even I am often a bit out of breath after completing the climb which is not least of all due to the stuffy air.
In my room I’m surprised to find my boyfriend (let’s call him Copper) sitting on the desk by the window smoking a cigarette. I hadn’t expected him that day. Of course I’m happy to see him but I’m also a bit worried because I know he’s not one of Rosa’s biggest fans. Rosa can be a bit challenging as I’ve said and when it came to my boyfriend she was a bit too interested in our relationship. I guess one could compare her to one of those anime/yaoi fans who go bonkers when they meet an actual gay couple especially one where one of the guys is rather tall and broad (Copper) and the other is short and skinny, kind of like a seme/uke thing or something like that.
Anyhow, Rosa enters the room and dumps her shopping bags on my bed. As she lays eyes on Copper though all her huffing is forgotten and this exaggerated sweet smile comes on her lips. She starts making some small talk with him and her remarks start without delay. (‘Silver bought some cool clothes, but I think you will probably like them better on the bedroom floor, right? giggle’) Those are the kind of remarks that make my boyfriend avoid her at all costs. That and he sometimes gets a bit angry that I let her treat me like that etc. Personally I find that stuff a bit inappropriate as well, especially when I always have to tell her in excruciating detail about our dates. For the record our “dates” generally consist of snuggling on the sofa watching Netflix while one of us usually falls asleep, so not necessarily the interesting naughty times that would be worth talking about.
Rosa now wants to sit on the edge of my sofa nearer to Copper, though as I’ve said my flat is very small and at the narrowest point where there’s a coffee table in front of the sofa, even I have to walk sideways sometimes. Rosa tries this, though in the process knocks a tin of coffee beans off it with her buttocks. She laughs it off and I start laughing too though more because of unease. Copper is laughing as well but his face tells me that he’s not necessarily laughing with her.
Rosa makes some remarks to me how I should rearrange my room and that it’s not “visitor-friendly”, though she does this in our native language (Belgian French). Now Copper is a student who came to study here from Bulgaria. While he’s fluent in English, he has hardly picked up any French, but he can sometimes follow conversations by their tone and get the general essence of what’s being said. As Rosa continues to make some remarks I can see that he’s slowly getting irritated and when Rosa starts to talk to him again, his answers become shorter and shorter.
Finally she decides to get going. She lets out a deep sigh and says: ‘Now I have to walk down all those stairs again’ or something along those lines. Copper suddenly says in a very nonchalant voice: ‘You could jump out of the window. It would be faster.’ I turn my head towards him and see the slight smile on his face. He said it in a kind of joking voice but I can tell from his face that he’s dangerously close to being candid so I do what I always do when trying to ease the tension of an uncomfortable situation: I start laughing. Happily, Rosa starts laughing too and doesn’t seem to be picking up on the fact that his joke wasn’t as good-natured as she thought.
She then says: ‘Now that’s not a very good idea is it?’ or something like that and in the next moment – and I wish I was joking – Copper looks out the window down to the street, then looks Rosa directly in the eyes and drily says: ‘Nah, you’re right. You would just bounce back up.’ The silence afterwards was so deafening someone may as well have been screaming in both my ears. I look at Rosa carefully and see that the smile on her face is frozen and she doesn’t know what to say or do. Neither do I and thinking back now I’m quite sure my mouth must have been wide open the entire time.
‘I have to get going’ she then says, gets up and grabs her bags. I want to go after her but Copper is holding me back telling me to just let her go. Needless to say I had a major falling out with him afterwards. It’s been almost two weeks now and I still haven’t talked to her since. I don’t really know what to say and I feel bad about it. Though – and I hate to admit this – I feel much worse about the fact that I’m actually kind of enjoying the absence of her constant messages especially her Whatsapp messages during Copper & Me alone time filled with her innuendos that are not as subtle as she thinks they are.
I don’t really know what to do now. Anyone?
Sorry that this post has turned out this long, I get lost in details sometimes.