IF YOU’RE LOOKING for a place where misadventure could begin, you can’t go past Mbargo. The nightclub’s streetfront is painted a purple so bright you’ll see it in your dreams. Strings of giant sequins shimmer in the breeze. Its phonically inventive name is spelt in silver letters that climb its three-storey terrace facade. Inside are strips of burning neon, a few booths, floorboards so marinated in drink that they have an ingredients list. Bristol is a student city on England’s south coast crowded with music and nightlife and street art. This is Banksy’s home town, and the tourism board suggests in rather strong terms that ‘you would be a fool not to see his amazing work firsthand’. The same organisation describes Mbargo as ‘intimate’, which is fair for a place where you can catch an STI standing up. Students cram into its modest dimensions while people with names like DJ Klaud battle for billing with £1.50 drink deals over seven sloppy nights a week. To get a sense of the story about to come, consider that it’s the kind of place open until two o’clock on a Monday morning, and that at two o’clock on a Monday morning, Ben Stokes still thought it had closed too early.
The Ashes of 2017–18 had disciplinary bookends. It was after that series that Australia’s two leaders went off the rails in South Africa. It was a few weeks before that Ashes tour that England’s biggest star windmilled his way into his own disaster.
In the early hours of 25 September 2017, Stokes and teammate Alex Hales were barred from re-entering Mbargo after a night out on the piss. A Sunday thrashing of an abject West Indies in an ignored series at the fag-end of the season apparently required ample celebration. After arguing with the bouncer and hanging about at the door for a while, they wandered off to find a casino in the hope of more drinking. They’d barely made it around the corner before getting in the middle of a conflict between four locals. As is said on the internet, it escalated quickly.
The 26 September reporting was bloodless. Withholding names, police stated that a man ‘was arrested on suspicion of causing actual bodily harm’ while another went to hospital with facial injuries. England’s director of cricket Andrew Strauss separately confirmed that Stokes was the arrestee, adding that he had been released without charge and that Hales had gamely offered to ‘help police with their enquiries’. Administrators had a good chance of hiding behind that investigation, and the next day Stokes was named in the upcoming Ashes squad as expected. But that night the video emerged.
Bristol student Max Wilson had shot it on his phone, then offered it to The Sun. What he thought was playing hardball was actually lowball: his opening price of £3000 was snapped up by a tabloid that would have paid ten times that. The Sun went on to make a mint by syndicating the rights worldwide. From a window above the fray, the vision showed six men on the street below performing the muddled choreography of a melee. One was right at the centre of it. One was waving a bottle, one dipped in and out, one tried to calm it. Two others floated around the edges. The central figure was unmistakable: red hair burning even in the streetlight as he launched into a series of blows against two of the men, falling to grapple with them on the ground, then following both across the street, swinging punches the whole way. Hales trailed behind, repeatedly and impotently shouting ‘Stokes! Stop! Stokes! Enough!’ The ECB could fudge issues that existed only in thickets of legalese, but not those captured in moving colour. Stokes was stood down from the next West Indies match, then suspended indefinitely. It emerged that he had broken his hand during the fight, something he’d done twice before while punching objects in dressing rooms.
The response in Australia was fierce: Stokes was a thug, a lowlife, a selection that would disgrace England. It was not entirely coincidental that a ban for England’s best player would be handy for the Aussie team, but there was also a cultural split. In England, plenty of people still minimise pub fights as lads letting off steam. In Australia, heavy media coverage as a succession of young men were killed had inverted that tolerance. The discourse now saw any punch as potentially deadly and accordingly reckless. This was more poignant in a cricket context given that David Hookes, the dashing Test batsman and state coach, was killed in 2004 by a pub bouncer’s fist.
The PR situation was bad for Stokes as details emerged of the injuries to the men he’d hit, and that one was a young war veteran and father. Stokes wasn’t officially removed from the Ashes squad through October but stayed behind when his teammates left, hoping for police to dismiss the matter in time for a late dash to Australia. His annual contract was renewed on the due date in case that came to pass. Then 29 October brought a twist in the tale.
‘Ben Stokes praised by gay couple after defending them from homophobic thugs,’ ran the headline. Kai Barry and Billy O’Connell had emerged. Not entirely out of nowhere: while Stokes had made no public comment, this story in his defence had initially been leaked to TV host Piers Morgan after the fight, as soon as the video appeared. Police body-camera footage played in court would later show that Stokes had given the same story to the arresting officer on the night. But no-one knew the identities of the fifth and sixth men in the video, and police appeals had turned up nothing.
It was The Sun again with the breakthrough. Kai and Billy were perfect for a readership not keen on nuance. ‘We couldn’t believe it when we found out they were famous cricketers. I just thought Ben and Alex were quite hot, fit guys,’ said Kai, who was memorably described as a ‘former House of Fraser sales assistant’. The paper had the pair do a full photo shoot: layering the fake tan, showing off chest waxes, mixing Ralph Lauren and Louis Vuitton into a range of outfits. Their best shot had them standing back to back, heads turned to the camera, in a mirror-image Zoolander moment.
Suddenly The Sun was the England team’s best friend. ‘Their claims could lead to the all-rounder being cleared over the punch-up and freed to play in the First Test in Australia next month,’ it gushed, then gave a tasting platter of quotes: ‘We were so grateful to Ben for stepping in to help. He was a real hero.’ ‘If Ben hadn’t intervened it could have been a lot worse for us.’ ‘We could’ve been in real trouble. Ben was a real gentleman.’ Would it be known forever as Kai and Billy’s Ashes? No. While the Bristol boys provided spin for Stokes’ reputation they didn’t influence the police. With charges still pending there was little choice – not given Strauss had previously sacked Kevin Pietersen for being annoying. Stokes remained suspended through the Ashes and a one-day series in Australia, and lost the vice-captaincy. It was January 2018 before the Crown Prosecution Service laid a charge.
That charge surprisingly came in as affray, a crime that can carry prison time but is classified as ‘a breach of the peace as a result of disorderly conduct’. The men he had punched, Ryan Ali and Ryan Hale, faced the same count, charged as equal participants in a fight rather than Stokes being charged with assaulting them. Alex Hales was not charged, despite being seen in the video to aim several kicks when Ryan Ali was lying on the ground. Given the underwhelming standing of the offence, Stokes was cleared by the ECB to tour New Zealand, and kept playing until his trial in August 2018, which he missed a Test to attend. None of the three defendants would be convicted.
The reasoning behind the charges was never released and was attributed vaguely to ‘CPS lawyers’. The service gave the case to Alison Morgan, a prosecutor of a class known as Treasury Counsel who usually handle serious criminal matters. Morgan had a scheduling clash and never ended up court for the case, but in 2018 and 2019 she would go on to win damages and admissions of libel from The Daily Mail, The Times and The Daily Telegraph variously for incorrectly reporting that she had been responsible for the inadequate and inconsistent charging decisions.
Morgan’s successor on the case was Nicholas Corsellis QC, who on the first day of trial was permitted by the CPS to request two assault charges be added against Stokes. ‘Upon further review,’ claimed a CPS statement, ‘we considered that additional assault charges would also be appropriate.’ This was patent nonsense from the service that eight months earlier had chosen the lesser charge. Any lawyer knows that no judge will allow new charges once a trial has begun, because the defence hasn’t had time to prepare. But such a request could deflect criticism of the prosecution service by technically making the judge the one who disallows the charge.
Working through the story from the trial and the tape is complicated. You had a Ryan and a Ryan, a Hale and a Hales, a Billy and a Barry and a Ben. You had several versions of events as to who knew whom, who was drinking with whom, who had insulted whom and who had merely engaged in ‘banter’, a word that in modern Britain has to do an unconscionable amount of lifting. The reporting had constantly mixed up the Ryans as to who had which injury, who was in hospital, who had played which part in the fight, and whose mum had which stern words to say about it.
Let’s agree that from now Ryan Ali is Ryan One, the firefighter who ended up with a fractured eye socket and a cracked tooth. Ryan Two can be Ryan Hale, the soldier who scored concussion and facial lacerations. Mr Barry and Mr O’Connell are best known per The Sun as Kai and Billy. In scorecard parlance we’ll leave the cricketers as Stokes and Hales.
Amid the confusion, Stokes and his lawyers built his case in a straightforward way. The UK legal definition of affray is ‘if a person threatens or uses unlawful violence or force towards another person, which causes another person of reasonable firmness present at the scene to fear for their safety’. That means it doesn’t account for violence that harms a target, but violence that might frighten a theoretical bystander. The wiggle room for Stokes was with ‘unlawful’, because the charge excuses violence in defending oneself or others.
This interpretation hinged on the beginning of the video, where Ryan One waves a beer bottle about and takes a swing at Kai. The version from Stokes was that he was minding his own business walking down the street when he heard homophobic abuse. He intervened verbally and was threatened verbally by Ryan One – something that Ryan One denied but that couldn’t be proved or disproved. In fear for his safety Stokes had to nullify that threat by bashing Ryan One before it went the other way. He registered Ryan Two in his peripheral vision as another possible threat, and again had only one recourse.
Stokes also had to convince the jury to disregard testimony from Mbargo’s bouncer that he had been looking for a fight. A solid lump of a man, Andrew Cunningham had not enjoyed his patron’s attempts to get back into the club after the bouncer declined an offer of a bribe. ‘He got a bit verbally abusive towards myself. He mentioned my gold teeth and he said I looked like a cunt and I replied, “Thank you very much.” He just looked at me and told me my tattoos were shit and to look at my job.’ Cunningham described these words as coming in ‘a spiteful tone, quite an angry tone’, and said that Stokes still seemed angry as he walked away.
These were details the doorman had nothing to gain by inventing, but each of them Stokes denied. By his own accounting he had drunk a beer at the game and three pints at his hotel, then ‘potentially had some Jägerbombs’ along with half a dozen vodkas at the club. He insisted that after all of this he was not drunk.
If I may take a moment here to call upon the wisdom of experience – a person who cannot definitively say whether they have had any Jägerbombs has definitely had some Jägerbombs. A Jägerbomb is an experience that does not pass one by. Further to that, a person who says they have ‘potentially’ done something has definitely done that thing and doesn’t want to admit it. A person who has had between 15 and 24 standard drinks in one evening is shitfaced. A person who tries to bribe a bouncer £300 – three hundred quid! – to get into Mbargo – Mbargo! – is beyond shitfaced.
If Stokes admitted that he was drunk then the prosecution could say he was out of control. He claimed clear recall of assessing a threat, feeling fear and deciding to protect himself with force. He confidently denied details from the bouncer’s testimony, like using the word ‘cunt’ or mentioning gold teeth. Yet on other details he claimed a ‘significant memory blackout’. He didn’t remember the punch that saw Ryan One taken away by ambulance. He didn’t remember what the Ryans had said to Kai and Billy, only that those words were homophobic. With no head injury, as one of the few people who hadn’t been hit, he had supposedly suffered this memory loss despite being sober.
The version from Kai and Billy was compatible but vague: they had been walking along, they ‘heard … shouts’ of abuse from an unspecified source, then Stokes ‘stepped in’ and thus they avoided possible harm. They claimed to have been bought a drink by Stokes at Mbargo, although CCTV showed them meeting outside. The overall implication from both accounts was that the cricketers had been pals with Kai and Billy, while the Ryans as per The Sun’s headline were a roving band of thugs.
The reality though is that the Ryans were the ones hanging out with Kai and Billy at Mbargo. Police discussed CCTV from inside the club in questioning and at trial. On that footage the four Bristolians bought drinks for one another, danced together, and Kai was noted to have variously touched Ryan Two’s crotch and Ryan One’s buttock. Ryan One told police that all of this was taken lightheartedly and wasn’t a problem. Indeed, when the Ryans called it a night the other two left with them.
This much is clear from footage out the front of Mbargo, which shows Kai and Billy exit the club and start talking with a subdued Hales and a demonstrative Stokes, who are stuck outside. The vision was played in court to determine whether Stokes was antagonistic towards Kai and Billy, as he appears to impersonate them and to throw a lit cigarette their way. More interesting is that after a few minutes the Ryans emerge, and all six actors in the fight video briefly form a prequel in the one frame.
Ryan Two pats Billy on the chest in friendly fashion with his right hand before clapping him on the back with his left. He moves past and does the same to Kai before leaving the shot. Ryan One stops to speak to Kai. They lean in for a moment, talking, then Kai turns and they walk out of frame together. Billy hangs around for a few seconds at the door and then looks after them and races to catch up. Stokes and Hales remain outside the club to remonstrate further with the bouncers. Whatever discord develops around the corner is between four men who left amicably together minutes earlier.
There’s no way to know what caused that friction. If Ryan One did use homophobic slurs, he might have been drunkenly obnoxious for no reason. He might have had an insecure macho response to some extra flirtation. He might have thought unkindness was funny – ‘banter’ once again. Or he might have said something that was misunderstood, as both Ryans insisted in court that they had not used nor had the impulse to use any abusive language.
What clearly didn’t happen was an attack by bigots on random passers-by. This kind of crime is regular enough that an audience understands the horror of it, and this is what was evoked by the public accounts of Stokes, Billy and Kai. All we know is that there was some verbal dispute among the Bristol locals, and that Stokes came along behind them and put himself in the middle of it. Ryan One responded to the interference aggressively and away they went. There are plenty of reasons to look sideways at the idea that Stokes was a saviour. Foremost, neither Kai nor Billy was called upon as witnesses in court. You’d think it would be ideal to have Stokes’ story backed up by those who benefited from his selflessness. But his defence team had developed the impression that the pair had shown a changeable recall of events amid a hard-partying lifestyle, and would be dismantled by the prosecution on the stand.
That raises the question of whether The Sun coached their quotes for the 2017 interview. Despite missing court, Kai and Billy clearly enjoyed the attention. In 2018 after the trial they did a follow-up spread in the same paper about how poor Ben had been mistreated. They got a television spot on Good Morning Britain and glowed about his heroism. In 2019 The Sun wheeled them out once more to say that Stokes should get a knighthood. In 2017 they had ‘never watched cricket’ but by 2019 were supposedly volunteering sentences like, ‘He saved us, now he’s saved the Ashes.’ Whether they were paid for these appearances is not known, but the chance to be famous for a day can be lure enough.
If you find this cynical, consider that on the night in question, the Bristol boys were so deeply moved and thankful for Ben’s intervention that they left him to be arrested and never attempted to find out who he was. Seconds after the video ended, an off-duty policeman reached the scene. You might think that someone grateful to a saviour would speak on his behalf. Instead, said Kai, ‘it all got a bit scary so we walked off. It was too much for me and we went to Quigley’s takeaway for chicken burgers and cheesy chips.’ They didn’t give their hero a thought for over a month while police issued multiple appeals for witnesses.
As for Stokes, he told his arresting officer that ‘his friends’ had been attacked. After three minutes of chat outside a nightclub, these friends were so dear to him that he has never contacted them again: not after the newspaper piece, not after the verdict. He didn’t want to see how they were or thank them for their support. He didn’t mention them by name in his solicitor’s statement after the trial.
The Stokes defence rested on Ryan One’s bottle, which he had carried out of Mbargo to finish a beer, not to use in a Sharks versus Jets amateur production. But once he turned it over to hold it by the neck it became a weapon. Intent and interpretation can change the material nature of things. Part of Stokes’ justification in court was that the bottle implied that the two Ryans might have ‘other weapons’ hidden away. You can understand how a jury could decide that created doubt.
Not being convicted, though, doesn’t give the contents of the video a big green tick. It does not, as his lawyer claimed, vindicate Stokes. Looking in detail, Ryan One is belligerent but his movements telegraph a bluff. Hales is the person he’s gesturing at, but they’re several metres apart when Ryan One cocks his arm ostentatiously, showing off the bottle rather than bracing to swing. He skips forward but Hales skips back and Ryan One doesn’t follow. Kai stretches out an arm to impede Ryan One, who has a drunken stumble, nearly eats pavement, then staggers towards Kai and hits him in the back. That hand is still holding the bottle, but his strike is a side-arm cuff on a soft part of the body. It’s all pretty tame.
This is where Stokes gets involved. Having moved across to protect Hales, he now takes three large steps to run around Kai and booms his first punch at Ryan One. They fall to the ground and the bottle clinks away. Stokes gets to his feet to punch down at the fallen man, while Hales arrives to kick him ineffectively then runs off across the street for some unknown reason. Ice-cream van? Stokes is soon back in the grapple having his shirt pulled up to show off his Durham tan. Ryan Two steps in for the first time to pull Stokes away, prompting a couple more random punches at this new target, then Stokes trips backwards over Ryan One and sprawls in the street. Hales chooses this moment to return and aim some solid kicks at the head of the man on the ground. Nothing so far is a triumph of moral philosophy or the pugilistic arts. But if it all stopped here, perhaps you could say it was somewhere approaching fair. Ryan One has behaved like a turnip and it’s not an entirely unjust world that would give him a whack across the chops. The antagonists have disentangled, Stokes has some distance, it’s time to dust off and go home. Ryan Two steps forward for this purpose with his palm raised in conciliatory style and says, ‘Settle down, stop.’
So Stokes punches him.
It’s roughly his fifth punch overall, and he really winds up into this one. He misses so hard that he stumbles away into the shadows of the shop awnings along the road.
Hales starts shouting for him to stop. Ryan Two backs into the street, still holding his palm up. Stokes closes on him from about five metres away, six large steps, to where Ryan Two is standing on his own. Stokes pushes him a couple of times, as Ryan Two keeps trying to placate him and saying ‘Stop.’ Stokes throws his sixth punch, largely missing as his target ducks.
Ryan Two keeps pulling away and reversing, into the middle of the street now. Stokes follows him, grabbing his sleeve to drag him back. By this point Ryan One has found his feet and walked around behind his friend. Both of them are in the same line of sight for Stokes, and both are backing away. Stokes aims his seventh and his eighth punches, which Ryan Two tries to deflect, as Hales walks up behind Stokes to grab him.
Stokes yanks away from his friend and switches to Ryan One instead, taking seven paces to grab him before throwing his ninth punch of the night. He grabs again; Ryan One blocks that arm and pushes himself back away from Stokes. Ryan Two again intercedes, putting himself between the two with his palms up and his arm extended.
Stokes throws his tenth punch, a right-hander at the face of Ryan Two, then shoves him backwards. Ryan Two backs away once more, four paces. Stokes follows, steadies, lines up, then launches his strongest punch yet, his eleventh, a proper right hook from a solid base, one that cracks across the man’s head and gives him concussion. Ryan Two ends up flat on his back in the middle of the street, his hands still outstretched for a moment in useless protest until they twitch and drop to the blacktop.
Stokes isn’t done. He once more shoves away the restraining Hales and follows Ryan One, who keeps backing away saying, ‘Alright, alright, alright.’ Five more paces from Stokes before another blow at the man’s head. Kai and Billy are now standing over the poleaxed Ryan Two. The video ends, but seconds later Stokes will punch Ryan One hard enough to knock him out too, before off-duty cop Andrew Spure arrives on the scene to bring down the curtain. When the body-camera footage kicks in some minutes later, Stokes is in handcuffs but Ryan One is still laid out in the street. Ryan Two has regained consciousness, folded his shirt under his friend’s head and is asking police for an ambulance.
‘At this point, I felt vulnerable and frightened. I was concerned for myself and others.’ This was how Stokes described that sequence to the court. An elite athlete with years of gym work and training to snap a bat through the line of a ball with astounding power and precision, swinging fists as hard as he can at men with none of those advantages. Punching so hard that he breaks his hand, and repeatedly shoving away a friend so he can punch some more. Frightened and threatened by two targets shouting ‘Get back!’ and ‘Stop!’
The off-duty officer testified that Stokes ‘seemed to be the main aggressor or was progressing forward trying to get to’ Ryan One, who was ‘trying to back away or get away from the situation’. The student who filmed the video can be heard on the tape at one stage exclaiming ‘Fuck!’ and testified that it was because ‘I felt a little bit sorry about the lad that had been punched and it looked like he had his hands up’. That tallied with the prosecutor’s depiction of ‘a sustained episode of significant violence that left onlookers shocked at what was taking place’.
The defendant stuck to his strategy. ‘No, my sole focus was to protect myself.’ All up, in the 33 seconds of footage after he falls over, Stokes takes 35 steps forward to keep hitting two men who keep trying to get away. Not once is he hit back.
After the verdict, Stokes’ solicitor positioned him as the victim. It had been ‘an eleven-month ordeal for Ben … The jury’s decision fairly reflects the truth of what happened that night … He was minding his own business … It was only when others came under threat that Ben became physically engaged. The steps that he took were solely aimed at ensuring the safety of himself and the others present …’ The statement was impossibly self-righteous and self-absorbed.
If there was anyone to feel sorry for it was Ryan Hale, the second of our two Ryans. He’s the one who emerged from the club with a friendly arm around the shoulder for Kai and Billy. He’s the one who interposed himself to end the fight, then kept putting himself back in the firing line, trying to calm an intimidating stranger while dodging blows. For his show of restraint he got laid out regardless, concussed in the street, then was issued a criminal charge equal to that of the man who hit him, and described in national media as a violent bigot in an untested story to support that man’s defence.
Lawyers for Ryan Two made a more convincing post-trial statement, noting that Kai and Billy, ‘neither of whom were relied upon by the prosecution or the defence team for Mr Stokes, have taken the opportunity to speak with various media outlets about the alleged homophobic abuse that they received in the early hours of September 25. Mr Hale has passionately denied this allegation throughout the course of this case,’ it continued.
‘It is upsetting to Mr Hale that although he was acquitted, the accusation that he was the author of such abuse remains. Both Mr Hale and Mr Ali were knocked unconscious by Mr Stokes, and although Mr Stokes has been acquitted of an affray, Mr Hale struggles with the reasons why the Crown Prosecution Service did not treat him as a victim of an unlawful assault.’Good question. Avon and Somerset police were the investigating force, and they were frustrated by the decision. Ryan Two was filmed clearly not hurting anyone, but police were instructed by the CPS to proceed with a charge. Hales (the cricketer) was filmed fighting but ‘a decision was made at a senior level of the CPS’ not to proceed. Police expected Stokes to be charged with assault but the CPS declined. It doesn’t take a wild cynic to think that placing the same lukewarm charge on three men for vastly divergent behaviour might ensure that none would be convicted, even as the trial would maintain the pretence that a defendant of influential standing had not been given a free pass.
A couple of years down the line, the original interview with Kai and Billy has disappeared. All traces have been scrubbed from The Sun website, its social media history, and even from the Wayback Machine internet archive. Given its headline of ‘homophobic thugs’ and text that names Ryan Two but not Ryan One, the libel liability isn’t hard to spot. Later interviews with Kai and Billy take the passive voice – they ‘suffered homophobic slurs outside a Bristol nightclub’.
The article that was once claimed to exonerate brave Ben Stokes now links only to a missing content page, with a picture of a dropped ice-cream cone and the phrase ‘legal removal’ inserted into the web URL. In terms of consequences, Stokes missed one tour. When he resumed his career in January 2018, the Australians hadn’t yet ruined theirs. Their year-long bans looked much more stringent. But the Stokes case dragged on in other ways. With no criminal liability, the Australians confessed promptly enough for the sporting world to give them the full length of the lash. Their situation was ugly but there was closure. Stokes got stuck in legal stasis, unable to be fully backed or condemned. Instead his issue was always present, a browser full of open tabs that the ECB swore they would read any day now.
Through 2018 Stokes was back but he wasn’t back, in the sunglasses and finger-guns sense. In his return one-day series he nearly cost England a match with 39 from 73 balls in Wellington. His first Test hit was a duck as England got rolled in Auckland for 58. At Trent Bridge while Stokes was injured, England posted a world record 481 against Australia. With Stokes three weeks later at the same ground they made 268. He crawled to 50 from 103, the second-slowest any Englishman had reached that milestone in 20 years. That span covered Alastair Cook’s whole career. It was apologetic batting, acting out responsibility via the scorecard. Stokes was creeping back into the team like he’d been kicked out in a blazing row and was hoping to tip-toe to the sofa.
It was December 2018 before the ECB disciplinary committee ruled on him and Hales. In a ‘remarkable coincidence’, wrote Simon Heffer in The Telegraph, ‘the punishment both players faced in terms of bans from playing at international level was covered by the amount of games they had already missed when dropped by England’s selectors, in the furore that followed the incident’. The verdict compounded the omissions around the case by not addressing the violence at its heart. Nor did Stokes, apologising only ‘to my team-mates, coaches and support staff’, and then ‘to England supporters and to the public for bringing the game into disrepute’.
The implicit next step was to rebuild that reputation. It might have been easier had his court defence not meant that he wasn’t game to admit any fault at all. It might have been easier if he or his advisers had been willing to change tack once the trial was done. Imagine a world where Stokes had stood outside court and apologised for overreacting, for the injuries he’d caused, and for the time and energy he had sucked out of other people’s lives. That would have been a show of responsibility beyond a scorecard. When the time came around to assess forgiveness, it might have meant forgiveness was deserved.

Ok, forgive the formatting. This was originally a greentext post for all the /b/tards at 4chan. It's also a long read but if you can get past that then it is actually a quite interesting story that happened to me years ago.
be 22 active duty air force assigned to Nellis in Las Vegas not disclosing job, but no stranger to weapons and tactics get pulled in to supervisor's office one day told I've just been "voluntold" to participate in a training exercise with DOD no other information given other than reporting instructions pretty much any question I asked was answered with "I have no fucking idea " report to conference room at base hotel next morning per instruction see about 12 other guys from my unit also voluntold to be there five guys enter room in civilian clothes introduce themselves as the "WHITEBOX" Group Assume it's an acronym for something, but never explained told we will be upgrading our security clearances hours of paperwork, only told we are participating in a force on force exercise released back to our unit crack jokes about how the exercise is a lie and we will be experimented on return to regular job and time passes eventually assume that it was canceled and forget the whole thing
about 2 months later supervisor pulls me aside and tells me that I need to report to a briefing the next day says it’s about "some WHITEBOX exercise" has no idea what it is and doesn't seem to care. once again report to base hotel with the other 12 guys WHITEBOX guys show up and pick us up in a van driven off base to some random office building and escorted into the offices of the Department of Energy, WTF? mystery only deepens, what the fuck is happening? what if this actually is some evil experimental shit more hours of paperwork and security/safety briefings by random suits had to fill out and sign a non-disclosure agreement and that threatened arrest if violated required to turn in cell phones and any other electronic devices in our possession our cell phones get locked in a cabinet while the office phone in the room gets unplugged WHITEBOX guys finally return and fire up a power point briefing first slide just titled WHITBOX Exercise 0X slide also labeled in bold red letters "CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET / NOFORN / ORCON this is really starting to feel serious
WHITEBOX Exercise finally explained told that for the next two weeks we will be role playing as OPFOR (opposing forces) we will try to attack and penetrate a DOD facility and carry out a simulated act of sabotage facility is protected by a contracted privately owned security force security group is required by the DOD to carry out this exercise in order to audit their protection every couple of years if we succeed, security company fails the audit and looses the contract the exercise is the conclusion of a two week inspection of the security contractors and their procedures every exercise a random military unit is chosen as OPFOR "reminded that we are silent professionals and that this isn’t something we should be advertising shaving wavers granted and civilian attire only FUCKYEAH.jpg power point scrolls to a page with a google earth screenshot on it instantly recognize the picture it's Area 51 holyfuckingshit.exe are we are being told to break into Area 51? can't be real random unit bro pipes up out of nowhere "Is that fucking Area 51?" we are all fucking stoked later told not to call it Area 51 as that just makes you a total chode Groom Lake, Paradise Ranch, or Homey Airbase are the acceptable names many insiders simply refer to it as “The Base” also reminded of the possible legal action via UCMJ if we go around telling everyone about it One of the WHITEBOX guys is now our designated "insider threat" exercise is designed to simulate that someone inside has been comprised by a foreign government he will provide any information that we ask for that he has knowledge of or access to other WHITEBOX guys handle will handle exercise logistics they will provide any weapons or equipment that we request to carry out mission "within reason" told this is not a COD loadout screen
ground rules established... will only be provided with weapons that we are certified to carry weapons will be armed with blank rounds or completely empty also no vehicles will be utilized by us within the DOD property landmarkers simulating road chases are not authorized our insertion is simulated so we will already be escorted/processed through various checkpoints and dropped off near the base no impractical equipment requests, so no tanks, helos, surveillance drones, or scud missiles, lol any explosives we intend to simulate will be assessed by WHITEBOX so if we want to blow the perimeter fences we will tell them before hand, they will calculate the weight of the bang we would need, it would be simulated by rocks, and then someone would need to hump the weight number 1 rule established and stressed with a very serious tone we will be escorted by WHITEBOX evaluators at all times within the DOD landmarkers at no point are any of us authorized to be alone in the facility actual security is not laxed because of the exercise, nor is this a free pass to roam security personnel can still use real force in the event that we deviate from the established protocols shown various pictures within the airbase that most will never get to see a specific hangar is designated as our target building. we will need to gain access to that hangar and carry out an act of sabotage for our sabotage we will need to ///REDACTED/// obviously we won't be doing it for real so we will actually need complete a random task inside the hangar task will be designed to be as complex and time consuming as the real thing all while being hunted by the security force insider threat briefing continues, various elements of the base security procedures and day to day operations explained however, get the impression that the chosen source is someone with a generic admin position and is not actually involved with security we are also encouraged to do our own research and scour the interwebz for info about the base told to supply the URLs to WHITEBOX if we find anything of interest. sorry if we got your Alex Jones or Art Bell conspiracy blogs taken offline briefing finally concludes, we are reminded of our non-disclosure policy and taken back to Nellis and dismissed for the day
next day we all meet at Creech Air Force Base in Indian Springs, Nevada we will be using this location to build our plan of attack and do rehearsals/dry runs it's actually pretty cool because it's on us to plan our op, just a bunch of random Airmen periodically grill our insider with questions and start asking our other WHITEBOX guys for gear we tried to have our insider take pictures of the interior of our target hangar, but he got caught IRL he would be arrested and interrogated by the feds, and the whole op would be dead instead though the guys that caught him received kudos from the inspectors, and he just tells us nope have to rely on a whiteboard sketch of the inside decide to keep it simple, M4 riffles only however I am certified on the Barret M82 .50 cal. we decide that I will carry that heavy mother fucker as well as an M4 and provide overwatch from the distance kind of bummed out because im not going inside it will be on me to neutralize certain security positions that we have previous identified we remind our WHITEBOX guys that the M82 is an anti-material weapon with the ability to disable vehicles they tell us that I will just need to call my shots to the evaluator that I will be partnered with he will radio to the vehicles that they are destroyed and will need to stop driving guess I should mention that is also part of the disadvantage we have we will all be paired with WHITEBOX evaluators who will sort of act as referees during this simulated battle however they will all be wearing bright orange reflective vest identifying them as exercise officials that really fucks our ability to stay hidden and stealthy, but it is what it is also should mention that this is a daytime raid despite our objections sounds like they are setting us up for failure, but they remind us not to think of it like that this is all being done just so the evaluators can get a good look at the security's incident response procedures it's not an unannounced drill, the military doesn't really like to do that kind of thing especially with large scale exercises such as this everyone on the base know we are coming, there's no element of surprise here except with what kind of attack we prep it would be a real hot clusterfuck if the security contractors failed the audit heads would roll, people would get fired, and numerous officers would be relieved of command I still get to attack Area 51 so don't care as this is the coolest thing I've done in the military
our plan is starting to come together over the days decide to sacrifice one of us in a suicide bomb attack figure out which of us is the most "FNG" or lowest ranking and make him do it he will approach one of the ECPs (entry points to the base) on foot wearing a rucksack loaded with rocks (make-believe explosives) he will be wearing a uniform and will identify himself as Air Force and will franticly yell that he needs help we don't anticipate that he will make it that far or that the security will actually swallow this ruse however his goal is to get as close as he can to the ECP and yell allah ackbar and release his dead man's switch and try to take out what he can his evaluatoescort will drop a GBS (ground burst simulator) when he detonates GBS is a little miniature explosive device that just makes a really loud boom anyone who’s been through any type of military training is familiar with them, they are used to add stress and create excitement we are hoping this will be a distraction and will get as much security as possible to converge on that location the rest of us will assault from the other side of the base and try to breach the perimeter several of us will also be rucking explosive rocks for the breach chose a breach point that will have us crossing only a minimal portion of the flightline (place where aircraft operate) if we successfully simulate breaching the perimeter the exercise will be paused and we will be inprocessed through the ECP and brought into the base exercise will resume and we will continue to assault towards the target hangar I will stay outside in my sniper position and try to smoke what I can inside the hangar the team will cover the doors with simulated claymores and take up cover two guys will carry out the simulated sabotage act while the rest cover the doors WHITEBOX doesn't have any inert claymores to provide so the will be simulated with small weighted ammo cans the weight is really starting to become problematic so we abandon the claymores and decide to just cover the doors with firepower would really help if we had a vehicle, but not happening to be fair, vehicles wouldn't make it that close to the base if they tried to attack IRL armored or not
week one down, plan looking solid considering how much of our attack is simulated two weeks of planning is actually excessive not complaining though cause two weeks of hanging out and smoking and joking compared to normal work at Nellis only downside is the hour drive back and forth each day to Creech AFB casino right outside that base with awesome steak and eggs so not too bad though one of the WHITEBOX guys tells us he's actually employed by the Department of Energy he doesn't actually work at Groom Lake, he works at the Nevada Test Range the massive amount of Nevada landscape that is restricted and owned by the feds is actually impressive contrary to popular myth there is road access to Groom Lake via the adjacent test range, but not too many people actually make that drive. the 737 shuttle from McCarran Airport is how everyone gets there since the drive is long as fuck the main paved road through Rachel Nevada that all the tourist flock to doesn't really have any operational use anymore allegedly we will be driving there through the test range via a convoluted series of paved and dirt roads route is CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET, not kidding
DOE dude gives us a tour of the test range one day load cases of water in back of van drive to Mercury Nevada and stop at checkpoint inprocessed inside, get pictures taken and issued escorted visitor passes also required to wear radiation badges once inside get to see all that shit from The Hills Have Eyes, fake towns that were blown up with atomic bombs not as intact as they are portrayed in films though, they are pretty rekt or deconstructed show us a massive crater called the Sedan Crater in the 50's they experimented with using atomic bombs for mass excavation projects hoping they could just nuke the ground and build shit instead of fucking around with bulldozers pretty stupid and impractical but they didn't know any better back then they buried an atomic bomb a half a mile underground and blew it up Sedan Crater left behind as a result and the fucking thing is huge. they allegedly herded cattle down to the bottom of the crater afterwards to test the post fallout effects pretty fuckin savage, and it was actually stunning to look at two hour drive to Groom Lake though endless desert roads now see why we loaded the water, we’d be pretty fucked if the van broke down or got stuck get first distant look at the base without having to enter their checkpoints holyshit.mp4 very few people get to actually see what we are seeing to be honest though, looks like any other air force base I've ever seen except smaller besides the obvious fact that it is in the middle of bum fuck nowhere and its main runway is long as fuck also realize one of the reasons they didn't want us operating vehicles most roads are dirt and the entire lake bed is surrounded by "moon dust" everywhere moon dust is the ultra-fine sand found in certain parts of the desert with the consistency of flour it's also a total bitch to drive in and the security patrols getting stuck is a somewhat frequent occurrence told that they even have some of the AAFES fast food joints there that you find on any other base imagine working at a Burger King that you need a Top Secret security clearance for, how the fuck does that work??? noticed that despite being authorized to be here, we are still being watched by distant security patrols wonder if they know we are the bad guys that are going to be attacking the joint make some minor adjustments to the plan since the google earth pictures lack some detail conclude tour and take the 3 to 4 hour drive back home, most of us slept in the van
arrive at Creech next day and see that more WHITEBOX guys have been added to the mix, now there's like 20 of them for the past two weeks they have been inspecting the security contractors and its procedures you can tell a lot of them are ex-military based off of language and the people that are dipping and spiting in empty water bottles the mood is light, all of the exercise planning is finished, nothing to do the last two days we managed to borrow an empty hangar at Creech and used it as a mockup of our target hangar to run rehearsals no longer asking our insider questions about security, instead start asking completely ridiculous questions about conspiracies for lulz accuse some of them of being reptilians to see how they react, some of them get legit uncomfortable before you go sounding off, doubt they are hiding anything, some folks just don’t get military humor one does, however, and shows us a velcro patch that he wears on his rucksack it's one of those standard patches you spot on a pilot’s flight suit that has the name, rank, branch, and blood type his blood type seriously says reptilian it's obvious that they embrace and poke fun at the reputation this base has, in fact they thrive off of it
the day finally fucking arrives, time to attack this bitch wake up at 0400 and drive an hour to Creech dressed to kill decide to wear DCU "desert combat uniform" pants and a sand t shirt with my personally owned Blackhawk tactical vest to carry spare M4 mags sometimes the military issues some real shitty gear so our unit is somewhat lax and allows us to personally buy our own better equipment if it has command approved use and doesn't break SOPs also wear my empty gas mask pouch attached to my hip and use it to carry spare M82 .50 cal mags also wear a black turban for lulz that I bought off an ANA (Afghani Northern Alliance) dude downrange used to have a guile suite but it got lost on a deployment so that's a no go unfortunately arm up with an M4 with M68 red dot sight and attach a BFA "blank firing adapter" to the muzzle, and load six mags of .556 blanks also provided with my trusty Barret .50 M82 and five mags there is no BFA for the Barret that I'm familiar with so carry that with empty mags, guess I get to cheat with the weight load up in the vans with WHITEBOX team and drive another hour to Mercury get inprosscessed through security checkpoint and receive visitor badges for the test range drive another 2 hour on random roads passing more checkpoints /// REDACTED /// forced to surrender cell phones, personally owned electronic devices and CAC cards (military ID cards) again receive our escorted visitor passes for Groom Lake and now continue down some of the most forbidden roads in American history start unloading as close to our start point as the terrain allows and hump the rest of the distance on foot with our escorts suicide attack bro hangs back in the van with other escorts and is driven to his start point the terrain is favorable and allows us to set up out of sight hence why we chose the spot I break off and try to set up my nest at my chosen OP "observation point" as discreetly as possible not really stealthy cause I'm being followed by a guy wearing an orange reflective vest that says STAN EVAL and he's just casually walking he tells me to set up the Barret, but just simulate your shots by firing the M4 blanks now in a spot where I can observe base activity and provide cover fire for the breach, but I am also the most easy to spot sniper ever now wait for confirmation that our distraction on the other side has happened, taking a real long fucking time
my escort's radio chimes to life and starts talking "attention all WHITEBOX, we now have proper authentication via CASTLE ROCK for initiation of a detachment level exercise" voice on radio proceeds to spit out a long winded exercise safety briefing realize it's been about 40 minutes and we are just now fucking starting another 10 minutes and finally get word that suicide bro is approaching his target escorts all inform us that the security force is responding to reports of an explosion outside of the ECP later find out that suicide bro was stopped and challenged at gun point about 50 meters outside of ECP by a mounted patrol he then just fuck it and started sprinting towards the ECP until they opened fire with blanks and his escort set off the GBS he actually managed to take out the vehicle that stopped him and create several casualties (we gave him the heaviest explosive rocks loadout) overall our distraction was pretty fucking successful give it a another minute or two and finally start shooting and calling my shots to my escort/evaluator he's talking on his radio and relaying my simulated violence, "inform Merc-17 that they are dead from sniper fire" etc... I have predetermined targets to engage based off of what poses the biggest threat to the breach team I actually do some damage and get confirmation of casualties from my escort it's about a 600 meter run to the base perimeter in the open desert so it's on me to try and clear their path as much as I can the plan is to try to lure some security vehicles to our position then eliminate them with the Barret while they are en route the dead vehicles can then serve as points of cover for the breach team as they assault towards the base breach team was also aiming to see if they could snag any security radios from the dead patrols so we can monitor their comms didn't really work out that way however, in the end we simply didn't have all the info about the anticipated security response without giving away too many sensitive details, we all got ambushed by the security from unexpected locations forced to abandon my nest and the Barret to start moving towards another location to back up the breach team that was under fire trade some shots with security until my escort finally announces "ok dude, you're dead. go ahead and lay down" that's it, game over
play dead for about 20 minutes while security cleans up the area breach team gets rekt, we managed to get within 100 meters of the perimeter couple of security dudes approach me and perform a dead combatant body search on me it's a specific type of search designed to search a dead body while also checking for possible explosive booby traps pretend to be dead and let security dudes run my pockets finally one of the evaluators shouts "PauseEx" (pause exercise) we got fucking annihilated, no chance this attack was going to be successful our evaluators tell us that everyone did a great job, HOWEVER.... we are going to continue the exercise because they didn't get the chance to observe much of the internal security components we are going to resume the exercise assuming that we were actually able to get inside that target hangar this will give the evaluators the opportunity to observe the security's recap and recov procedures (re-capture and recovery) we all get magically resurrected from the dead I realize that I am actually going inside Groom Lake! Fucking Awesome...
spend about 15 minutes policing up the area for brass which means wandering around and picking up spent cartridges board vans and get driven around to ECP. realize that only half of the security force is playing in this exercise the rest are still armed with live weapons and are still performing regular protection duties forced to show our visitor passes, names and badge numbers are compared against a master list that the security has /// REDACTED /// /// REDACTED /// notice a homemade sign hanging on the wall at the security center it’s got a picture of an alien with a red X through it that says "no extraterrestrial entities or relics beyond this point" like I said earlier, everyone enjoys the reputation this base has drive to our target hangar, holy fuck! I am now inside Area 51 use of blanks not authorized indoors, everyone is told to clear out weapons rest of the exercise will use simulated firing, the equivalent of pointing your empty weapon at someone and yelling bang sadly not the first time I trained like this, military does it all the time it’s ridiculous and awkward every time, looks like a bunch of kids playing backyard soldiers with sticks security has already reset its posture, they know we are attacking but doesn't know the building we are hitting we all enter the hangar, get the impression that it doesn't actually get used IRL anymore reeks of mildew and no power inside, dust everywhere in the center there is a pickup truck covered with a tarp and roped off with red rope and stanchions, signs posted identifying it as a controlled area told that this is a simulated military asset and this is what we are sabotaging WHITEBOX evaluator pulls a box out of the bed of the truck remember when I said we will have to do a complex and time consuming task to simulate our act of sabotage? it’s a fucking Star Wars Lego kit! I shit you not! evaluators tell us we will need start building it and reach page 12 in the instructions without errors or mistakes kind of wish we went with our earlier plan and brought claymores cause I spotted some sweet chokepoints outside the building to set them up also wish we had the idea of bringing padlocks and chains so we could lock down the hangar and make life more difficult for the security force set up our spots to cover the doors, we are well versed with building clearing tactics so we know what spots to cover to make it hard
WHITEBOX evaluator authenticates over the radio with someone by passing letters and numbers back and forth, process known as sign/countersign voice on radio announces that the detachment level WHITEBOX exercise has resumed showtime! Two unit bros start opening the Lego kit and sorting parts me and the suicide bro weren't supposed to be in this hangar or even on the base to begin with so we don't have points to cover inside come up with idea and ask one of the escorts if we can go out the back on to the flightline plan to walk to two separate buildings in opposite directions and see if we can create distractions evaluators approve the plan, but tell us we can't approach or enter other buildings, nor approach any parked aircraft decide to leave firearms and my tac vest behind for clever reasons if we are unarmed the security will most likely apprehend us, and search us this is more time consuming than just shooting us and will keep them away from the hangar longer exit the back of the hangar on to the flightline and just start casually walking down the tarmac with my escort eventually hear the sound of police sirens in the distance getting louder, hear they come! get the urge to start sprinting but decide not to since it would most likely result in me being tackled on the pavement, fuck that later realize distant sirens are actually responding to hangar after reports of a silent alarm being received so much for the distraction plan
decide not to return to hangar since there is not much I can do unarmed, and continue walking down flightline all the parked aircraft I see are just normal military aircraft, although some do seem to have “enhancements” or cosmetic features that I haven’t seen before ask my escort where they keep all the flying saucers, he smirks and just replies "underground" wonder if there are actually any subterranean levels to this base, suppose a lot of these buildings could support that ask my escort if there are really underground levels, he facetiously says “who knows” white pickup truck with police lights approaching fast pretend not to notice and keep walking voice starts barking at me over a loudspeaker "stop right there! do not move! get your hands up! security mercs climbing out of vehicle with rifles drawn, don't see magazines in the riffles, they are part of the drill they actually try to challenge both of us, escort has to remind them that he is out of play security goons bark at me, "face away from me NOW! keep your hands up!" they are actually pretty intimidating, I comply proceed to have me lay on the ground face down with my arms and legs stretched out yell at me to put my hands in the small of my back, palms together, fingers up big black guy approaches me and actually puts his knee on my neck George Floyd style "don't fight me, don't resist me, or you are gonna get hurt" he says puts me in zip ties and picks me up, see other guards still have weapons drawn on me overall whole thing similar to a gangbanger getting rolled up by the cops black guy puts me in some weird and uncomfortable arm hold tells me to start walking while he steers my body with the arm hold and walks me off the flightline taken to a grassy area, get put back on the ground and searched and questioned /// REDACTED /// I try to bluff and say that the hangar will blow if anyone goes inside, see if that stalls them he tries to question me about it, but I can tell he’s not biting, I decide to tone it down and stay quiet cause the dude really looks like he’s going to fuck me up actually overhear his partner talking on the radio, he’s telling others to exercise caution and beware of possible explosive booby traps lights out, realize that someone put a bag over my head evaluator calls out "EndEX" (end exercise) all portions of the exercise are terminated, it's all over
black security guy cuts my zip ties, takes off the hood and sets me loose later find out that security retook the hangar with no problems my guys inside struggled with the Legos since it was so dark and hard to see instead of immediately going in, security tossed inert CS gas canisters inside none of us brought gas mask since it was something our insider failed to mention evaluator let us build legos for another 30 seconds then yelled “GAS, GAS, GAS” unit bros in the hangar were told to lay on the ground and pretend to be incapacitated security swarmed the place with gas mask and guns, kicked away weapons they got a similar treatment to what I received on the flightline and got hauled out of there we all regroup at the base's main visitor center for the AAR (after action review) overall security responded quite well, only some points were critiqued, nothing failing smoke cigarettes and crack jokes back and forth with the security dudes, finally get to see the human side of the guy who snagged me on the flightline tell him he’s one scary mofo, he smiles and we shake hands security dudes leave, head to base theater for full debrief WHITEBOX guys thank us for our participation, time to head home wait a sec, let’s see some fucking aliens WHITEBOX guy smirks and says he’ll give us the dollar tour another day drive back to Mercury knowing full well that we are not going to hear back from them, especially about a tour return radiation badges to the Mercury office told that if we never hear back from them that it’s a good sign told that if they do call us then our Tricare (military health coverage) will get put to good use whole experience was cool as fuck one of the evaluators hands out business cards for ///REDACTED/// and tells us to look them up when we separate from the military starting pay for the security force is pretty fucking dope and only certain military backgrounds are considered for it return to Indian Springs and hit up the casino for drinks with the original 5 WHITEBOX guys ask if any of the prior OPFOR units actually pulled it off and broke in told that a group of CCT guys from the 24th STS was the closest anyone’s ever gotten but even they still failed makes sense, I’ve heard that those dudes are legit operators tell war stories and get drunk actually receive a letter of appreciation from the Air Force Test Center Detachment 3 from Edwards Air Force Base, California about a month later it thanks me for my participation in an exercise but makes no mention of Groom Lake my participation in a vaguely worded “DOD exercise” actually gets mentioned as a bullet in my annual performance report mfw I attacked Area 51
tldr - me and my coworkers "broke" into Area 51 with automatic weapons so we could put together an X-wing starfighter out of Legos
Thanks for reading. I should mention that I have intentionally withheld a lot of details and even altered a few. I'm not trying to blow up anyone’s spot and compromise shit. Just wanted to share a true story about some cool shit I got to do in my youth. For example WHITEBOX is a completely fabricated name while the whole operation actually went under another random weird name. It still ranks as some of the most cloak and dagger shit I got to do in the military. I actually don’t really tell too many people because it is no one’s business and no one would believe me anyways. I finally figured that enough time has passed and like I said, I have specially tailored this story to avoid leaking any sensitive shit. Overall the base was actually kind of underwhelming. I didn’t really see any earth shattering secrets there. All of the alien and reptilian conspiracy theories were openly mocked and made fun of there. It’s really just a base that gets an extra layer of discreetness and physical security for more sensitive assets and projects to be kept there. The CIA, JSOC and other intel gangs from Washington even have offices out there because it’s just a quiet tucked away place to do business. I will say that their security is no joke and that they have some truly fascinating techniques to detect and deny intruders. Hope you enjoyed.

Your 11-minute Tuesday report in 2562 words.

gas prices could rise due to currency fluctuations

Russian gas price (at the border) had increased from $150 to $165 per 1000m³ in 2019. Although the Russian currency Ruble was devaluing against the Dollar, Armenia was/is paying for gas with Dollars.
Since 2019, the Pashinyan administration has been trying to convince Russia to implement a different gas payment mechanism within the EAEU trade bloc. Making payments in Rubles instead of Dollars was one of the priorities:
"We are constantly talking about high dollarization within the EAEU, but we still pay for Russian gas in dollars. Our proposal was that it would be more correct if we paid for gas in rubles, because I think it is more logical, also within the EAEU," said Pashinyan in early 2020.
This idea was also shared by Vladimir Putin's personal adviser back in October 2018. It appears the EAEU has been working towards this goal lately.
But meanwhile, Armenia has to pay for Russian gas in Dollars. With Armenian Dram devaluing against the Dollar, the pricing for consumers will likely be revised. Consumers pay 139 Drams per cubic meter. This was calculated in 2020 when $1 was 480 Drams. Today $1 = 520 Drams.
Large consumers pay in Dollars and have their rates adjusted periodically, while small consumers (general public) pays in Drams.
Armenia imports 2.2 billion m³ gas from Russia annually, at the price of $165 per 1000m^3. 0.7 billion of it is consumed by the general public.
Dram was devalued by 6.6% since November. This could prompt the internal gas company to raise the prices, including for the general public.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039886.html
http://www.armbanks.am/en/2020/04/07/128024/
https://neftegaz.ru/en/news/energy/406887-armenia-should-pay-for-russian-gas-in-rubles/

Public Council meets drone and robotics industry

The Public Council (linked to PM's office) held a meeting with engineers from the drone, robotics, AI, and nano-tech industries. They discussed ways to help the state to develop the military-industrial complex, drone production, aviation, and to bring their quality to international standards.
https://factor.am/327477.html

former PACE MP sentenced to 4 years for taking bribes from Azerbaijan

An Italian court has concluded that Italian PACE representative Luca Volonte, who is the former head of the European People's Party, took €2.4 million in bribes from the Aliyev regime in 2012-2013.
The bribe was handed over by Azerbaijan's PACE delegation leader Suleymanov. The scheme was coordinated by an Azeri lobbying firm based in Brussels. In return, the MP gave Azerbaijan favors during PACE and Italian Parliament sessions.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039927.html
Tags: #caviar

POWs and searches

The search crews in Artsakh discovered bodies of 10 soldiers and 1 civilian in Jabrayil, Hadrut, and Sgnakh regions. The civilian has already been identified by his relatives. The cause of death is being investigated.
Many bodies under the possession of the Armenian side are yet to be identified, while more bodies will likely be found during daily searches for the foreseeable future. Overall, 575 calls have been made by families who are looking for missing relatives, says the Russian humanitarian envoy in Artsakh.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039900.html , https://www.panarmenian.net/arm/news/289293/
Human Rights Ombudsman Tatoyan once again criticized Azerbaijan for intentionally politicizing and delaying the POW swap mission. "It is against international laws to file felony cases and arrest POWs because that's a form of a prohibited punishment. Azerbaijan is also hiding the true number of POWs."
The Ombudsman has noted that Armenian residents in Tegh, Vorotan, and several other bordering villages have lost access to 2500 hectares of farming lands due to border changes. (some lands that were internationally recognized as part of Azerbaijan were given to Azerbaijan after the war).
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039933.html , https://factor.am/327226.html , https://www.armtimes.com/hy/article/204175

POW discussions: general prosecutor meets Azeri counterpart

Chief prosecutor Arthur Davtyan and his Azeri counterpart were invited to Russia. The three sides held a conversation about the establishment of future contacts in the field of international law and other related topics. Prosecutor Davtyan mentioned the importance of implementing the November 9th statement about the return of POWs, "which will serve as an assurance for implementation of other [trade unblocking] issues."
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039953.html , https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039972.html

how much will a new railway network cost?

Azeri economists believe it will cost around $430 million to build a railway network connecting Kars(TR)-Nakhijevan(AZ)-Meghri(AM)-Zangelan(AZ)-Baku(AZ). Overall, if you add Gyumri between Kars and Nakhijevan, it could cost about $434 million.
Economists believe Armenia can use this network to connect with Russia via two directions: Gyumri-Nakhijevan-Meghri-Baku (southern trip), or Ijevan-Ghazakh-Baku (northern trip).
https://www.panarmenian.net/arm/news/289313/

rumors & rebuttals: traitors are not selling Azeri juice in Armenia

Telegram channel Mediaport circulated rumors that "Azeri Sandora juice is being sold in Armenia". The misinformation was picked up by several outlets and caused confusion among the buyers.
Fact-checkers contacted Sandora's local importer who said the producer is a Ukrainian company that sells its product in multiple post-Soviet republics, so they have one unified tag that contains information both in Armenian and Azeri languages.
https://fip.am/14469

4 Dutch MPs receive medals for friendship

Among them is ethnic Kurdish MP Sadet Karabulutu, who publicly criticized the Turkish-Azeri aggression during the war.
https://www.armtimes.com/hy/article/204216

food prices in Artsakh

Pricing for 43 commonly-consumed items was examined by the consumer protection agency in Artsakh. 12 became more expensive, 5 cheaper, 26 remained the same.
Onion +25%, cottege cheese +6%, milk +6%, gloves +5%, ..., pear -12%, rice -1%, eggs -1%, butter -1%.
Several dairy product prices went up, and since Artsakh has dairy companies that own dominant market share, the consumer agency will launch an investigation to see if there was price-fixing.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039946.html

seismic resistance assessment for old buildings

A significant portion of Armenia's large apartment complex buildings were built half a century ago. They may not be seismically safe, considering Armenia's geolocation. After the 1988 earthquake, some buildings remain populated despite being deemed highly unsafe. Many other buildings have safety irregularities.
It is necessary to assess the situation, so the Urban Development Committee has drafted a bill "Methodology for assessing the priority of increasing the seismic resistance of buildings and structures".
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039887.html

IRS will closely monitor gambling industry / RFID chips & servers

IRS press release: gambling facilities and online betting services will be more closely monitored. We worked with international experts to digitize the gambling industry and bring it on par with international standards.
All gambling machines and platforms operating in Armenia will be connected to one server which will be connected to a monitoring Center. All betting and winning transactions will be recorded.
The Center will also install RFID microchips in casinos to monitor the movement of chips, the chips purchased or won by players, in real-time.
The government's Digital Council has approved the bill, which is yet to be discussed and voted in the Parliament. The goal is to be able to monitor the financial flows in this sector and to estimate the actual revenues. It will combat money laundering. (BHK skipping a Parliament session due to "COVID" in 3, 2, 1, ... /joke)
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039915.html

new "public council" will advise Nature Ministry

Nature Minister Romanos met several environmental organizations and environmentalists and discussed the creation of a new Council, which will advise him on nature protection issues, help draft bills and roadmaps, work with other environmental organizations and NGOs. The Council is accepting applications.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039896.html

large quantities of illegally-cut trees were busted

... by Ijevan policemen during a routine patrol on Sunday. Three cargo trucks were filled with wood.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039960.html

rammed through the gates

The police have arrested the father of a missing soldier who used his Vaz 21 vehicle to ram through the Defense Ministry's entrance gate before smashing it into a building on Sunday.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039957.html , https://www.panarmenian.net/arm/news/289315/

"turn off the camera"

Context: An incident happened last week between parents of drafted soldiers and military officials at a military unit. The parents wanted assurances that their sons would be safe after being deployed on Artsakh borders. The parents wanted to know why Armenian soldiers are still being sent to Artsakh "despite the November 9th statement saying Armenians should withdraw from Artsakh."
During the confrontation, an incident happened between a military official and a journalist. The official struck the camera and instructed it to be turned off. Several media outlets released a message condemning the officer for hindering the journalist's work.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039973.html

infrastructure upgrades

Four settlements in Kotayk province (Yeghvard, Nor Gegh, Aragel, Zovuni) have a newly renovated irrigation pipeline as part of a govt subsidy program.
https://www.armtimes.com/hy/article/204202

today in history

1932: First Yerevan tramway began operating in Yerevan
1951: The UN Convention on the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide was implemented.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039885.html

get your free colonoscopy today

The National Center for Oncology has purchased the latest generation tools and will perform a free and enjoyable colonoscopy for residents over the age of 45, for the next 6 months.
The goal is to detect suspicious growths at an early stage. It's the third most common cancer among adults in the world. It has become more common in Armenia in the past decade. When detected early, it can be fully treated.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039911.html

COVID stats

+1885 tested. +355 infected. +729 healed. +5 deaths. 8393 active.
The death rate has been 1.8%. The infection reproduction rate was 0.84 in the past two weeks, down from 1.43.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039906.html , https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039943.html

COVID numbers have declined, so what do we do?

... we lift some of the restrictions!
"Aye, aye, Captain!"
"I can't hear you!"
"The rule that limits attendance to non-commercial gatherings to no more than 60 people has been removed. All other safety requirements remain in place," said a Healthcare official. "You can enter Armenia via air or land by presenting negative COVID test results that were taken within the past 3 days. If you don't, you will be tested at the airport and will need to self-isolate until the results arrive."
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039931.html

Armenia will soon import COVID vaccines

Healthcare Ministry: we are negotiating with multiple entities. The first batch of vaccines will arrive between late-January and mid-February. We are negotiating with producers whose vaccines have passed the necessary tests: Sputnik V, Pfizer, Moderna, and AstraZeneca. In the first phase, the vaccines will be given to the most vulnerable 10% of the population.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039921.html

Sputnik V vaccine has already been tested in Armenia

Healthcare Ministry: no complications were reported by the 15 patients, including Minister Torosyan. The often-discussed "skin redness" in the injection area has not been observed, either.
The first injection gave a 91.4% efficiency. The second increased it to 94%. Even if the vaccine doesn't fully prevent the infection, it can save the patient's life by making the case mild (is that right??).
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039925.html

the new COVID strain: good news, bad news

Doctor Davit Melik-Nubaryan: the version of COVID that mutated in the UK will eventually reach Armenia. Preliminary data shows that those who have already been infected and gained immunity from the original COVID will be immune to this new strain. It is believed that the immunity will last 6-12 months for the majority.
The good news is that the new strain isn't more deadly and doesn't result in heavier cases. The bad news is that it spreads a lot faster. The Healthcare system could be overloaded again.
The vaccines against the original strain will likely work against the new one. Pharmaceutical companies may have to modify the vaccines, but it will only take weeks.
Closing borders with the UK won't be helpful to prevent it. We may already have the new strain. We need to develop a new strategy from the ground up.
Viruses mutate all the time. It's part of the evolution. Sometimes they cause more severe symptoms, sometimes lesser. From the evolutionary and survival standpoint, viruses want to cause less severe symptoms for the host so they can have a chance to spread wider.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039856.html

Armenian scientists will study the COVID strain

CDC chief Bakunts: Armenia will have the ability to study the genetic mutations of the coronavirus. Active work is underway to invest in research resources. Meanwhile, we can submit a virus sample to a WHO laboratory to conduct a study for us.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039962.html

families with newborn children receive mortgage subsidy

450 families have so far taken advantage of a government subsidy program that helps with purchasing apartments. ֏526 million will be paid as part of this 2020-2023 program. It is part of a recent initiative to boost the birthrate.
Two other aid programs went into effect in mid-2020. Provincial families received a downpayment subsidy equalling 5% of the total price. Another one subsidizes insurance payments.
The same family can apply for all three programs, and there is no age limit for parents.
https://factor.am/327385.html

diaspora-government cooperation expands: iGorts

iGorts is a program that recently recruited 48 highly skilled diasporan Armenians to visit Armenia and work at 19 various government agencies. Three more volunteers have arrived today to begin their work: Shila Palyan from Canada, Zaven Ayvazyan from Russia, and Anahit Mikaelyan from Cyprus.
https://www.armtimes.com/hy/article/204211

Yerevan to install 32 more elevators in apartment complexes

Arabkir district is the next recipient. Hundreds of units were installed in 2020. They replace the decades-old elevators that have become dangerous and poopy. The new elevators come equipped with running water and flush so you can drain your crap /s.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039954.html

have you been buying stuff right and left lately?

...because trade turnover increased by +34%, and the number of printed receipts by +7%, during this year's New Year's holidays.
֏91 billion was spent between December 29-31, which is ֏23 billion more.
https://www.armtimes.com/hy/article/204195

would your majesty be pleased to take a salt bath?

Nerqin Getashen will have a halotherapy "salt bath" center to help alleviate certain conditions. It's the first in Gegharquniq province. There will also be rooms for aromatherapy (oils), ogyxenotherapy (oxygen cocktails), and massage.
The owner claims it helps boost immunity and alleviates breathing, allergy, and insomnia issues (take the claim with a bath of salt).
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039974.html

first Yezidi theater to open in Armenia

"шəp' y əBин" or "war and love" will be the first performance in a newly opened Yezidi theater in Ejmiatsin. It's part of a «Եզդիների կողքին» cultural initiative. The crew had planned a major performance about Yezidi national legend but the 44-day war began and some were drafted.
The crew ended up performing the "шəp' y əBин" during the war. It's about the importance of Yezidis in Armenia, and their love for the country. The January 17th performance will be dedicated to Yezidis who died fighting.
The performers aren't professional actors but they received acting training on-the-fly. "It seems to work because their enthusiasm is great. A very good team has been formed," said the producer.
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039941.html

Aram Khachaturian House-Museum will resume "Musical Thursdays"

This year's first classical concert is dedicated to Ruben Babayan, "the BFF of Armenian musicians."
https://armenpress.am/arm/news/1039916.html

Netherlands college will donate large quantities of school supplies

Several thousands of desks, chairs, furniture pieces, computers, lockers, etc. are being loaded in containers to be shipped to Armenia.
The Hermann Wesselink college is renovating its building with new items so they decided to donate the old stuff to Armenian kids. This will be enough to equip 15 provincial schools.
https://factor.am/327135.html

donations to Artsakh & recovering soldiers

www.1000plus.am (recovering soldiers & their families)
www.HimnaDram.org (for Artsakh & Armenia)
www.ArmeniaFund.org (U.S. tax-deductible)

archive of older posts

Armeniapedia's archive of my daily news threads:
http://www.armeniapedia.org/wiki/Daily_Anti-Corruption_Reports

disclaimer

All the accused are considered innocent unless proven guilty in the court of law, even if they "sound" or "appear" guilty.

Hello all,
I am here with my plan for my subreddit Reddit Nation
If you are interested in joining a (hopefully) newly formed island nation then this is the place to be.
I have prepared a plan that explains how we will go about doing such a task. More detailed elaborations for each component of the plan will be given at request.
Obviously the first question is where we would have our island. I have identified places of interest. One place of interest is the Nation of Belize. Belize is a small nation with a low GDP of 2 Billion and they are selling off most of their island. Islands with 50-100 acres can be acquired for around 500,000; give or take 50,000. From the people (Government Officials) I have contacted, they are perfectly okay with this plan.
Now here is a 5 step proposal of how this will come to fruition (I will expand on how we will finance this)

1. Acquire the island
2. Set up the initial infrastructure
   
   1. Form of Government that I propose is a constitutional monarchy
      1. Country will be run as a democracy (two chamber form of parliament)
      2. Noble titles such as Duke, Earl, Count, Lord, Baron etc will be sold off to help initially finance the island.
   2. Establishment of the Government Building
      1. For now this is where the government will convene until more infrastructure is added and the island is improved.
      2. People will be made citizens at this location
   3. Establishment of Civil Services
      1. Waste collection, Police, Social Services
   4. Establishment of a Port
      1. This will allow supplies to enter the island.
      2. This will allow for the island to participate with the rest of the world economically(I will expand on this later).
      3. The port will function as the entrance point and exit until the runway can be constructed.
   5. Establishment of Resident Housing
      1. This temporary housing will be until the island can be developed and more permanent buildings can be put up.
      2. Resident Housing and the Government building will be set up near the port until island development is completed
   6. Set up a massive solar powered crypto mining operation to help finance further development of the island
      1. A partnership with big mining companies can be brokered to have this set up
3. Make the Island a desirable location
   
   1. Set up the island as a luxury city
      1. Free housing for citizens
      2. Free healthcare for citizens
      3. Free schooling and university for citizens
   2. Build resorts and legalize gambling on the island
      1. The revenue generated from such activities will help finance further development of the island
      2. With the revenue generated from this, the island will be able to provide for the residents a luxury city
      3. The gambling industry investments will help to finance the island as well
   3. Make the island a banking haven
      1. Set up a bank on the island
      2. No KYC laws will be enforced on the island
      3. This will attract forgien investment into the island
   4. Allow cryptocurrency companies to conduct business without oversight and for miners to set up large scale operations using solar powered energy
   5. No income tax,sales tax, capital gains tax or corporate on the island
      1. Commercial businesses such as casinos, resorts, and banks will just pay slightly inflated property taxes
      2. This will help attract a lot more forgien investment as well
      3. Will attract companies to set up offices here and thus bring jobs to the island.
4. Expand on the island infrastructure
   
   1. Build an airport. The islands have enough space to accommodate runways for planes even up to jumbo jets
   2. Build more free luxury housing for residents
   3. Establish schools and universities
   4. Establish libraries
   5. Establish Museums
   6. Establish a healthcare system
5. Enjoy the luxury haven of an Island that we have built
   

Now for the question of how much this island will cost and how we will get the funding
According to my calculations (you can look at them below) it will cost us $2,600,000

• The Island itself
  
  • 500,000
• The Port
  
  • 200,000 to build
    • This will benefit us later when we receive forgien investments
  • 500,000 for 250 passenger ferry
    • We will budget around 100,000 for operating costs
• Initial Buildings
  
  • 1,000,000
    • These buildings will be permanently built but occupied until the island is built and then will be sold off to recoup the investment.
    • Buildings include
• Civil Services
  
  • Around 50,000 to purchase initial equipment and medical supplies
  • Another 100,000 to purchase ATVs
  • Another 100,000 to purchase off roading vehicles
• Bitcoin mining operation
  
  • We will get the money for the operation by partnering with a large company
• Water Purification
  
  • 50,000
• Food Supply
  
  • We will purchase MRE’s and other preserved food products for the island
  • An exact count of this cannot be made until we move further into the plan
• Further development of the island
  
  • This will be financed by the forgien investments in regards to banking, gambling and tourism along with money raised from property taxes

Now in regards to how we will raise that sum

• We will sell off noble titles (this is why we will set up a constitutional monarchy)
  
  • While no price has been established yet, the titles for sale can include
    • Duke, Duchess.
    • Marquess, Marchioness.
    • Earl, Countess.
    • Viscount, Viscountess.
    • Baron, Baroness.
• A small percentage of the island (less than 25%) will be earmarked for sale immediately. The part earmarked for sale will be part of the planned downtown district/capital and developers of this land will be allowed to build whatever structures they want and won't have the problem of jumping through hoops like zoning laws.
  
  • On a 60 acre island, 15 acres would be marked for sale
    • The acres on this haven of an island will be sold for 250,000 each so the island would raise 4.5 million and the sale of said acres will help kickstart the massive infrastructure of the island and provide the island with adequate funding.
• Once the island is set up, the island will continue to profit from digital activities which will allow it to not have to charge an income tax or corporate tax
  
  • Digital activities include the solar powered bitcoin mining operation
    • We will partner with an existing bitcoin company for this
  • Solar powered web hosting
• People can become citizens for a fee of $10 which will mainly go to the printing of their ID and filing in the government archives but the island will profit a few dollars off of this
  

If you have made it this far, please join the subreddit for this plan
More information to come soon, thank you.

Magic items. Objects imbued with magic in order to make them better, or even gain a completely different function. But apparently the only places they exist are in monster hoards and adventurers' backpacks.
Realistically however, everyone wants things that are better at what they do. And eventually, people get what they want.
Today i will go over some objects that are useful outside of the context of adventuring, as well as how they might change the world around them. I will not mention artifacts, since those are one-of-a-kind objects with pre-established locations, usage, etc.
While the topic has always existed, Tasha's Cauldron has added a few interesting toys to our proverbial tool box, which makes this as good a time as any to take a look and
Much like in the Spells and Society post, the rarer an item the more amazingly powerful it must be to be worthy of mention. Actually i recommend reading that post before this one. Since a lot of magic items just allow you to cast spells for free, knowing which spells alter the world gives a good idea of which items can do the same.

Uncommon

+1 tools.
That's right, +1 tools. Not +1 weapons.
Consider a guard. How much of his time is actually spent fighting? A minute every other day? That's not getting a lot of use out of his sword. Even a soldier spends weeks marching, or months guarding a fort, and then only fights for a few minutes or hours. Even if a guard has a superb weapon that doubles his combat effectiveness, it only makes him 1% or 2% better at being a guard[1]. Given a choice of uncommon item, any guard and most soldiers would rather have a Weapon of Warning to prevent being backstabbed, ambushed or caught off-guard.
Now consider a lumberjack or miner. They spend several hours a day hitting trees and rocks. An enchanted axe, saw or pickaxe would see continuous use in their hands. Not only that, magic items are also described as being "at least as durable as a nonmagical item of its kind. Most magic items, other than potions and scrolls, have resistance to all damage". This means the +1 pickaxe would be far, far more resilient to wear and tear than a mundane one, potentially being passed down for generations. And with your miners and lumberjacks being more efficient, you need less of them. Which in turn means you get to have more guards.
Another noteworthy thing here is adamantine items. They deal automatic critical damage to objects and are much harder to destroy. In other words, they're great at chopping trees and ores, bending hot metal, cutting cloth, plowing a field, etc. All while having a fraction of the wear and tear.
​
Bags of Holding, Handy Haversacks and Portable Holes.
AKA your transporty boyes.
The bag of holding is an old favorite among players, and the reason is obvious: it has a million uses.
Most adventurers use it for carrying all their junk. The bad guys in the original Baldurs Gate game used bags of holding to smuggle whole shipments to and from their iron mine base with just one guy. One of my players once put a huge boulder in it, then flew up and dropped the boulder on an enemy transport ship. And let us not forget the classic Arrowhead of Total Destruction.
All of these are perfectly valid uses. Smuggling a small object is easier than smuggling a large object. Dropping huge objects from a high place turns anything that flies into a siege weapon. And the Arrowhead, while expensive, can deal with very large threats that could level a city.
But honestly, every merchant is a smuggler at heart. After all, as long as brigands roam the roads, there will always be a need to hide your valuables in an extraplanar space small enough to fit any orifice. Not only that, the bag allows you to dump a cart entirely and just ride to your destination much faster (and therefore, more safely).
Of course not every merchant can afford a bag of holding, so this brings about an interesting topic of inequality in your campaign. Some merchants can go from A to B faster and more safely on a horse, while the majority must go with a bull-drawn cart that is slow and vulnerable. And bags of holding don't even require attunement, so once you have one and your income soars you can get another, and another... Its a serious rich-get-richer situation, and you risk running all the mundane merchants out of business.
​
Broom of Flying.
I'm gonna start this one with saying that brooms of flying and carpets of flying are overpowered. They are consistently better than items of similar rarity that provide the same benefit, like boots and wings of flying. The reason here is, in my humble opinion, the same reason why Fireball deals more damage than any 3rd level spell and most 5th level ones: its iconic.
As for the item itself, its pretty much a permanent flying speed of 50 while carrying up to 200lbs, or 30ft. speed while carrying 201-400lbs. Its a deliveryboy's dream... except not.
You see, the broom of flying isn't just a hoverbike, its also a drone. You say the command word, and it flies up to a mile a way. Say it again, it comes back. In other words, the crazy wizard in his tower can just tie some money and a note on the broom and send it to a shop, then call it back once the shopkeeper has tied the groceries to it. Poor delivery boy just lost his job.
But wait, there's more! If the broom can fly on its own, can it plow a field? Can it spin an "animal" traction mill? The answer is: yes. But there's no reason to use magic where a common animal would do, unless its a crazy high magic setting or something.
​
Decanter of Endless Water
I think anyone can see how infinite water is broken as fuck[2]. But that's not all. By speaking the command word and pulling the lid, you can cause 30 gallons (136.4 litres) of water to pour out with enough force to push a 200 pound object 15 feet. This action can be repeated every turn (6 seconds), since a decanter of endless water has no limit on how often it can be used.
So a decanter is not just infinite water, but also infinite energy provided you have enough technology to build a mill. Even more energy if you activate the decanter in a high place and use gravity to give those 30 gallons even more potential.
Do keep in mind however that in 5e there must be someone using their action to activate it every turn. In previous editions however one could leave the decanter open and it would pour water constantly.
​
Hat of Disguise
This wee cap is not game-breaking for its great usefulness, but rather for its ability to fuck the world up. Any charlatan with a Hat of Disguise can walk into a bank, guild, ship, etc. and pretend to be anyone. Sure it doesn't happen often, but when it happens the crime spree is enormous. And while there are ways to work around disguised criminals, the fact people have to work around it is an issue in and of itself.
Societies based on trust pretty much can't function. Does everyone sign everything? Do people start using IDs? Do organizations start using items or employing animals that can see through illusions? Is there an industry for door frames that detect illusions?
Even without the hat, Disguise Self is still a 1st level spell. Yet somehow the sourcebooks have no mention of how the world might adapt to the idea that you can't trust people to be who they seem to be. And if anyone with access to 1st-level spells can walk up to the king without difficulties, you wont have kings for long.
​
Ring of Mind Shielding
A great item, if you're an asshole. Keeps people from sensing your evil alignment, keeps them from reading your evil thoughts, keeps pesky zones of truth from sensing your lies, and it even makes itself invisible so nobody can notice you're wearing the "i am evil" ring. It even keeps your immortal soul from going into eternal damnation!
One thing i always think of soul-trapping items is that they're a good way for evil people to avoid the afterlife. If you're good, you want to go to Celestia, Elysium, Arborea or Ysgard. Yet if you're evil, being stuck in a ring and talking to its wearer might be better than Baator, Carceri or the Abyss.
​
Sending Stones
Another classic, unfortunately the stones were nerfed and now can only Send to each other once a day.
Still, long range communication is nothing to scoff at. And while hiring someone to Send for you is cheaper, the stones provide more privacy and can be sent to far off corners of the world where you can't afford to station a caster full time.
Expect each mayor or baron to have one of these, while someone in the capital answers their "calls". Something of a royal secretary if you will. While magic items are expensive, shaving days off of your disaster response time can be the difference between having a kingdom and having ruins.

Rare

Bag of Beans
An often overlooked item, the BoB is crazy powerful. It has 3d4 beans, each of which can trigger a random effect. Notably they have a 10% chance of creating a random potion that lasts 30 days, a 10% chance of creating 1d4+3 eggs that can permanently raise an attribute by 1[3], a 9% chance of spawning a full on pyramid with a mummy lord and appropriate loot[4], and a 1% chance of leading anywhere.
Why bother with tomes when you can get twice as many stats from a bag of beans?
​
Helm of Teleportation.
1d3 castings of Teleport every day, plain and simple. That means 9 people can travel about 14 times in a week[5].
That's a lot of potential trading to be had for sure, but why stop there?
Say your kingdom spent tons of time and money training and equipping an elite unit. You wouldn't want them to spend 80% of their time on the road and 20% solving issues right? One rare item can make your 9-men unit five times more efficient.
Adventurers are in much the same boat: small group, lots of capital invested into their gear and training, yet they somehow spend most of their time going back and forth between adventures (until level 9 if they have a bard, sorcerer or wizard in the party, past 9 if they don't). It honestly amazes me that the Helm of Teleportation is not listed more often as a must-have party item.
​
Manuals/Tomes
For those unaware: there are 3 manuals and 3 tomes in the game, each increases an attribute by 2 when used and then loses its magic for 100 years.
The #1 item on any adventurer's to-get list, the existence of the tomes raises far more questions than answers. Who makes these? Why are they not mass produced? Can i get a magically accelerated demiplane, throw the books in and recharge them in a fraction of the time? Why do people not abuse the f*** out of them?
And when i mean abuse, i mean make smart use of them. Say a kingdom has, over the course of generations, acquired 5 or so tomes. Then the ruler reads them and becomes super smart/wise/popular. That sounds like the sort of thing that would make the whole realm prosper. Do it on an elven/dwarven kingdom and the ruler can read his tomes multiple times, granting him a godlike mind.
And that's without considering the idea of immortals. Or even high level druids. Any lich or vampire could become insanely powerful, not only from being able to use each tome a dozen times, but also from having eons to look for more or even craft them[6].
One thing i really like about tomes is watching the party decide what to do with them after spending the magic. Do they auction the books? Trade with some elf for favors? Give it to a friendly vampire?

Very rare

Candle of Invocation
For 4 hours clerics and druid of the proper alignment within 30ft can cast 1st level spells without using spell slots. In other words, crazy amounts of healing. Pop one after a battle and in a few minutes your whole army will be ready for more. Or pop it during a battle, and have the Healing Word the crap out of your troops from a safe-ish distance.
​
Carpet of flying, Peregrine Mask
Carpets of flying function much like brooms of flying, except they are faster or carry more weight (depending on size). They would be a strict upgrade, except they lack the drone function the broom has.
A peregrine mask provides a flying speed of 60, but has no carrying capacity. That means if you have a Powerful Build or a similar feature it can actually carry more than the carpets.
​
Cauldron of Rebirth
If there's one thing Tasha's Cauldron has brought us, its this cauldron.
It has some minor uses for scrying making potions, but here's the deal breaker: you put a corpse in the cauldron, fill it with 10gp worth of salt (200lbs.) and it casts Raise Dead on the creature.
Resurrection normally costs 500gp. worth of diamonds. With the cauldron it costs 10gp worth of salt. Sure there's a one week cooldown, but who cares? I see two scenarios here: either a resurrection every week is more than the local demand, or less than the local demand.
If its more than the demand, that means everyone who dies of unnatural causes and has 10gp to spare gets resurrected.
If its less than the demand, that means you're raising one person every 7 days. Depending on how high the demand is you could be making as much as 500gp a week, or 26k a year. Considering that the DMG says a Very Rare magic item costs 10.000-50.000 gold, the cauldron can pay for itself in under two years. Even if the math is way off for some reason, it is still crazy strong.
Honestly, this should be an artifact. Or at least have some heavy downside. The idea that someone over at Wizards of the Coast read this and said "Ah yes, 10gp resurrection, perfectly fine" simply boggles the mind.
​
Crystalline Chronicle
Speaking of items that make things cheap, 1d3 times a day this spellbook allows you to cast a wizard spell without material components of up to 100gp.
That means two spells on average, so let's take a look at a few good options: Continual Flame[7], Magic Circle (exactly 100!), Stoneskin (100!), Teleportation Circle and Astral Projection.
The ones that stand out here are Continual Flame and Teleportation Circle. Both cost 50 and have a huge demand in the world. Where a permanent TP circle would normally consume 18.250gp worth of materials over a year, it will now cost nothing[8].

Legendary

Staff of the Magi
This is, i think, the most powerful item in the game.
Has a bunch of charges, yadda yadda, here's the important part:

1. When someone else casts a spell on you, you can use a reaction to absorb the spell. The staff then gains charges equal to the level of the spell it just ate.
   
2. It can cast Plane Shift for 7 charges.
   

This means on an average day you get 16 charges, or two Plane Shifts, from the natural charge generation. But what if you could have someone cast spells on you without spending spell slots?
There are several monsters who can cast spells at will, too many to list. But there are also a few ways for players to do it. The first that comes to mind is the level 18 Wizard feature Spell Mastery, allowing any 2nd level spell. There's also the level 15 invocation Shroud of Shadow that allows infinite casts of Invisibility. Either case allows a duo to have infinite Plane Shifts a day, which is really powerful.
As usual, trade comes to mind. But with infinite charges you might as well start a tourism agency or a hotel and/or casino that brings in people from all planes. Yet what few people realize is that Plane Shift can be used offensively in order to permanently banish anyone to any plane. Infinite save-or-die effects.
You could also just settle for a fuckton of Shifts instead of infinite, and use a warlock or four-elements monk to convert their short rest resources into charges for the staff.
Now think of the possibilities and plot hooks. Mad king banishing dissidents, Red Queen style. Alternative death sentence. A high level wizard/warlock stranded somewhere because the guy who was attuned to the staff died or got separated from him. Random archdemon bringing an army to the Material Plane a couple demons a minute.

Notable mentions

These are items i left out, but which i will get yelled at in the comments if i "forget" about them.
​
Anything that creates energy
The truth is that a lot of magic items can do that. Fire for heating things, wind or water for pushing things, etc. For an energy source to be noteworthy it has to provide a considerable amount of continuous energy, without charges or daily limitations. Otherwise you might as well just use a regular water mill or a bull.
​
Alchemy Jug (uncommon)
It creates an amount of a liquid (beer, honey, etc) every day. It does nothing that cannot be done by an amount of workers, and for it to be world-altering we'd have to go into a lengthy math argument of how many labor hours of a bee farmer are needed to make a gallon of honey, and how that compares to the initial investment of hiring a wizard to make the item.
As a general rule, if something can be done mundanely it will be done mundanely. Let the casters focus on stuff where they have an infinite comparative advantage, like flying stuff, teleportation, resurrection, etc.
​
Cap of Water Breathing (uncommon)
It allows you to breathe underwater indefinitely. Can be great if you have important stuff to do underwater, and might enable interaction with sentient water folk. But in and of itself, not a world-altering item.
​
Horseshoes of Speed (rare)
Essentially +30 speed for hooved creatures, without requiring attunement. Honestly this item does not really fit this list, but i just thought the idea of pegasi flying real fast with these was worth mentioning. Sure a helm of teleportation outclasses it entirely for travel, but that's not useful in combat.
And i really want to play a centaur monk with these some day. Unfortunately the item description specifically says you have to have four equipped to benefit, so don't even think about it you satyrs and tieflings out there.
​
Lyre of Building (rare)
At a glance this looks like a regular magic items, with nothing too weird about it. Until you look at its spell selection and notice you can cast them as an action.
Mending normally takes a minute to cast, with the lyre its an action, and you can do it at will even without knowing the spell.
Fabricate takes ten minutes to cast, with the lyre its an action. That means once a day you can turn the ground under an enemy into a spiky cage, his sword into sword parts, etc. Until the lyre came about the only way to instantly cast fabricate was with a Wish, and that is a pretty good combat use of the 9th level spell.

Conclusion

To be quite frank, a lot of these item uses are a little niche and wont work in every setting. Then again, that that is never the goal with these posts. I hope i have provided you with at least a few interesting plot hooks and other crazy ideas, whether to amaze your players or ruin your DM's plans.

Notes

[1] There is a notable exception however. If your kingdom has a group dedicated to fighting monsters, some of which are resistant to nonmagic damage, then those guys should be prioritized. Not only does the +1 weapon double their damage output in this scenario, it also prevents your kingdom from losing special soldiers that are very expensive to train and replace.
[2] Stuff like constant abuse of Decanters of Endless Water are why in my setting there is a doomsayer cult that believes the world will be flooded some day. As they say it, every time someone activates a decanter, magically creates water, creates food and water, opens a portal to the Plane of Water, etc; the amount of water in the world rises just a bit. Given enough time, everything will be flooded by it. Unless someone like, puts a Sphere of Annihilation by the shore or something. But nobody said the cult has to be right.
[3] The bag has 3d4 beans. Each bean has a 10% chance of spawning 1d4+3 eggs. That means 7.5*0.1*5.5 = 4.125 raised stats, on average. Sure I'm assuming you'll pass the DC20 save every time, but with proper preparation its quite doable. Be near a paladin, get bardicly inspired, have someone cast Resistance, find ways to reroll a failed save, etc. Since the eggs last forever, you have all the time in the world to stack the saving throw in your favor. Or just use Portents.
[4] The mummy lord could have anything, even another bag of beans!
[5] Someone will say "but what about the chance of going off target? What if nobody has teleportation circles?" To that person i say: associated object. Get a pebble every time you're in a region, and you wont need a circle. Buy a bit of silk and you can teleport to any place along the silk road. Buy a used horseshoe and you can go all over the country. Now I'm just imagining this badass-looking special-ops soldier, clad in the finest plate, wielding a blazing blade, his cloak cackling thunder... and with a rusty-ass horseshoe tied to his helmet.
[6] And thus is born the legend of Swolomon the Buff. He was once a base vampire, who got stuck in a tomb for 4000 years with nothing but a Manual of Bodily Health and a Manual of Gainly Exercise. Now he's... selling supplements or something.
[7] See On Spells and Society linked at the top for why there's a near infinite demand for Continual Flame.
[8] You can even make two circles at a time, but there's some math about it. You have 3 charges, use 2, so you should always be with one to spare. Until you roll a 1 on the d3, and then its gone. After that whenever you roll a 1 without first rolling a 3 you'll have to pay the 50gp or let the circle go to waste. In other words, you'd be paying roughly 1/6 of the regular cost.

Hello all,
I am here with my plan for my subreddit Reddit Nation
If you are interested in joining a (hopefully) newly formed island nation then this is the place to be.
I have prepared a plan that explains how we will go about doing such a task. More detailed elaborations for each component of the plan will be given at request.
Obviously the first question is where we would have our island. I have identified places of interest. One place of interest is the Nation of Belize. Belize is a small nation with a low GDP of 2 Billion and they are selling off most of their island. Islands with 50-100 acres can be acquired for around 500,000; give or take 50,000. From the people (Government Officials) I have contacted, they are perfectly okay with this plan.
Now here is a 5 step proposal of how this will come to fruition (I will expand on how we will finance this)

1. Acquire the island
2. Set up the initial infrastructure
   
   1. Form of Government that I propose is a constitutional monarchy
      1. Country will be run as a democracy (two chamber form of parliament)
      2. Noble titles such as Duke, Earl, Count, Lord, Baron etc will be sold off to help initially finance the island.
   2. Establishment of the Government Building
      1. For now this is where the government will convene until more infrastructure is added and the island is improved.
      2. People will be made citizens at this location
   3. Establishment of Civil Services
      1. Waste collection, Police, Social Services
   4. Establishment of a Port
      1. This will allow supplies to enter the island.
      2. This will allow for the island to participate with the rest of the world economically(I will expand on this later).
      3. The port will function as the entrance point and exit until the runway can be constructed.
   5. Establishment of Resident Housing
      1. This temporary housing will be until the island can be developed and more permanent buildings can be put up.
      2. Resident Housing and the Government building will be set up near the port until island development is completed
   6. Set up a massive solar powered crypto mining operation to help finance further development of the island
      1. A partnership with big mining companies can be brokered to have this set up
3. Make the Island a desirable location
   
   1. Set up the island as a luxury city
      1. Free housing for citizens
      2. Free healthcare for citizens
      3. Free schooling and university for citizens
   2. Build resorts and legalize gambling on the island
      1. The revenue generated from such activities will help finance further development of the island
      2. With the revenue generated from this, the island will be able to provide for the residents a luxury city
      3. The gambling industry investments will help to finance the island as well
   3. Make the island a banking haven
      1. Set up a bank on the island
      2. No KYC laws will be enforced on the island
      3. This will attract forgien investment into the island
   4. Allow cryptocurrency companies to conduct business without oversight and for miners to set up large scale operations using solar powered energy
   5. No income tax,sales tax, capital gains tax or corporate on the island
      1. Commercial businesses such as casinos, resorts, and banks will just pay slightly inflated property taxes
      2. This will help attract a lot more forgien investment as well
      3. Will attract companies to set up offices here and thus bring jobs to the island.
4. Expand on the island infrastructure
   
   1. Build an airport. The islands have enough space to accommodate runways for planes even up to jumbo jets
   2. Build more free luxury housing for residents
   3. Establish schools and universities
   4. Establish libraries
   5. Establish Museums
   6. Establish a healthcare system
5. Enjoy the luxury haven of an Island that we have built
   

Now for the question of how much this island will cost and how we will get the funding
According to my calculations (you can look at them below) it will cost us $2,600,000

• The Island itself
  
  • 500,000
• The Port
  
  • 200,000 to build
    • This will benefit us later when we receive forgien investments
  • 500,000 for 250 passenger ferry
    • We will budget around 100,000 for operating costs
• Initial Buildings
  
  • 1,000,000
    • These buildings will be permanently built but occupied until the island is built and then will be sold off to recoup the investment.
    • Buildings include
• Civil Services
  
  • Around 50,000 to purchase initial equipment and medical supplies
  • Another 100,000 to purchase ATVs
  • Another 100,000 to purchase off roading vehicles
• Bitcoin mining operation
  
  • We will get the money for the operation by partnering with a large company
• Water Purification
  
  • 50,000
• Food Supply
  
  • We will purchase MRE’s and other preserved food products for the island
  • An exact count of this cannot be made until we move further into the plan
• Further development of the island
  
  • This will be financed by the forgien investments in regards to banking, gambling and tourism along with money raised from property taxes

Now in regards to how we will raise that sum

• We will sell off noble titles (this is why we will set up a constitutional monarchy)
  
  • While no price has been established yet, the titles for sale can include
    • Duke, Duchess.
    • Marquess, Marchioness.
    • Earl, Countess.
    • Viscount, Viscountess.
    • Baron, Baroness.
• A small percentage of the island (less than 25%) will be earmarked for sale immediately. The part earmarked for sale will be part of the planned downtown district/capital and developers of this land will be allowed to build whatever structures they want and won't have the problem of jumping through hoops like zoning laws.
  
  • On a 60 acre island, 15 acres would be marked for sale
    • The acres on this haven of an island will be sold for 250,000 each so the island would raise 4.5 million and the sale of said acres will help kickstart the massive infrastructure of the island and provide the island with adequate funding.
• Once the island is set up, the island will continue to profit from digital activities which will allow it to not have to charge an income tax or corporate tax
  
  • Digital activities include the solar powered bitcoin mining operation
    • We will partner with an existing bitcoin company for this
  • Solar powered web hosting
• People can become citizens for a fee of $10 which will mainly go to the printing of their ID and filing in the government archives but the island will profit a few dollars off of this
  

If you have made it this far, please join the subreddit for this plan
More information to come soon, thank you.

Would this country work? Any flaws that you see?

 GOVERNMENT 

1. Head of State and 18 representatives .A.Representatives There are 18 representatives of the people. 10 represent the 10 different income brackets and 8 that represent age brackets from those in their 20s to 90s. They are chosen randomly and their pay remains the same. They retain the position for 1 year in which they discuss their daily lives in order to create laws.
   
2. Head of State The Head of State formulates and execute all laws, but all adult citizens MUST vote . Laws require Head of State and 2/3 of popular vote to be passed/repealed.
   

3. Population: 10 Million or less 

4. Military/Police: Almost non-existent since everyone is happy, safe and has an excellent quality of life. UNIVERSAL RIGHTS 

5. Free Excellent Healthcare (including dental, orthodoncy and vision) A. One doctodentist/2 nurses per 500 people B. Top hospital maintenance and equipment C. Maximum ER wait times 10 min
   

6.  Freedom of Speech, Assembly and Right to Bear Arms 

7.  Compulsory annual vote on ALL laws ( which require 2/3 popular vote to approve/repeal) A. Every adult must vote via internet within 12 Hours 

8. Free Excellent Education 

A. All teachers must have PHD. And 90% gpa
B. Class size 5-10 students
C. Top school maintenance and resources
D. International Standard tests every 3 month, students must have 85% average or higher to pass.
E. Live recording of all classes, accessible to parents and school administration
F. Short school-day 6 hours, free tutoring
G. Students 15 and up receive tax-free UBI
H. Free Higher Education and adult student income

1. Free Housing, no rent/mortgage( State owns all land)

A. Each family is assigned 3 homes And meant for successive generationS

1.  Free and sufficient unprepared organic food 

2.  Free clean water and electricity (powered by renewable energy) 

3.  Free internet access 

4.  Universal Basic Income of U$1,000 ($800 with tax)Work is optional for all 

5.  Free funeral /cremation service 

6.  Private Business employees receive equal share 1/2 of total profits earned. ( Except Vice Industries 

7.  Retirement at age 60 for those who worked 20 years or more. 

8.  Free museums 

9.  Interest-free personal loans of up to 10 times borrower's monthly wage. WORK 

10. Length of work week differs by AGE, not income bracket A. 20-30 year olds work 7 hours a day, 4 wk/vacation
    

B. 30-40 6 hours/day, 30 hours/week, 5 wk/vacation
C. 40-50 5 hours/day, 25 hours/week 6 wk/vacation
D.50-60 5 hours/day, 25 hours/week 7 wk/vacation
F. 60-70 4 hours/day, 20 hours/week MAX

1. Workers entitled to 10 sick days, 5 fully paid and other 5 1/2 paid by employer and 1/2 paid by hospital.After that Hospital must pay missed work until you are healed.
   

    INCOMES 

2. Social Strata/Tax rate goes from 20% -10%-15%-20%
   
3. UBI is taxed 20% to encourage work
   
4. There are 10 monthly wages possible by law based on :
   

occupation/amount /tax rate/after-tax amount
1.Universal Basic Income/ $1000 /20%/$800
2.University Student Income /$ 2000/10%/$1800
3.Single Parent $3000/10%/$2700
4.Entry level Office worker $4000/10%/$3600
5.Entry level manual worker $5000/10%/$4500/
6.Office manager$6000 /15%/$5100
7.Skilled manual worker $7000 /15%/$5950
8.General doctor, teacher $8000/15%/$6800
9.Specialized doctor, professor $9000/20/$7200
10.Governor, executives $10,000/20%/$8,000
(Entrepreneurs can earn up to 20,000 tax-free, after that 20% tax capped at 50,000)

 PENSIONS 

1. Pensions are life long for all once they turn 60 and have worked for 20 years or longer (UBI and adult students excluded)
   
2. Pensions are limited to Amount/minimum years worked/tax rate/after-tax
   

$4,000 /20 yrs/ 20% tax /$3200
$5,000 /30/yrs /20% tax/$4000
$6,000 40/yrs /20% tax/$4800
(Doctor and Teacher pensions have a 10% tax rate)

 FUNDING 

1. Income taxes ranging from 10-20% 

2.  All sales tax 20%(Except bikes,computers and books) 

3.  Pensions taxed at 20% 

   NOTE:. (Income, sales and pension taxes CANNOT be increased)
   

4.  Business taxes of up to 20% 

5.  Public Transportation being privately owned taxed at 35% 

6.  (Vice Industries) Casinos, brothels, marijuana shops, liquor stores are privately owned but taxed at 

   40%. (Workers do not receive 50% of profits)
   

7.  All savings of more than $5000 belong to government after death.$5000 and less go to closest living relative. 

Ideal Country would have the following characteristics:
Government 1. Constitutional monarchy with an elected prime minister and parliament (like U.K.) but monarch would have more power. 3. Republics are ..not my favorite but I suppose it could work. 4. Population: 10 Million or less 5. Economic system: 80% work for Private Sector, 20% public 5. Military/Police: Almost non-existent since everyone is happy, safe and has an excellent quality of life.
Universal Rights:

1. Free Excellent Healthcare (including dental, orthodoncy and vision) A. One doctodentist/2 nurses per 500 people B. Top hospital maintenance and equipment C. Maximum ER wait times 10 min
2. Freedom of Speech, Assembly and Right to Bear Arms
3. Compulsory annual vote on ALL laws ( which require 2/3 popular vote to approve/repeal) A. Every adult must vote via internet
4. Free Excellent Education A. All teachers must have PHD. And 90% gpa B. Class size 5-10 C. Top school maintenance and resources D. International Standard tests every 3 month, students must have 85% average or higher to pass. E. Live recording of all classes, accessible to parents and school administration F. Short school-day 6 hours, free tutoring G. Students 15 and up receive tax-free UBI H. Free Higher Education and adult student income
5. Free Housing, no rent/mortgage( State owns all land)
6. Free and sufficient unprepared organic food
7. Free clean water and electricity (powered by renewable energy)
8. Free internet access
9. Universal Basic Income of U$1,000 ($800 with tax)Work is optional for all
10. Free funeral /cremation service
11. Private Sector employees receive equal share 1/2 of total profits earned. ( Except Vice Industries)
12. Retirement at age 60 for those who worked 20 years or more.
13. Free museums
14. Interest-free personal loans of up to 10 times borrower's monthly wage.

Work 1. Work week differs by AGE, not income bracket 20-30 year olds work 7 hours a day, 4 wk/vacation 30-40 6 hours/day, 30 hours/week, 5 wk/vacation 40-50 5 hours/day, 25 hours/week 6 wk/vacation 50-60 5 hours/day, 25 hours/week 7 wk/vacation 60-70 4 hours/day, 20 hours/week MAX 2. Workers entitled to 10 sick days, 5 fully paid and other 5 1/2 paid by employer and 1/2 paid by hospital.After that Hospital must pay missed work until you are healed.
Pay structure 1. Social Strata/Tax rate goes from 20% -10%-15%-20% 2. UBI is taxed 20% to encourage work 3. 10 Possible monthly wages Universal Basic Income $1000 ($800) University Student Income $ 2000 ($1800) Single Parent $3000( $2700) Entry level Office worker $4000($3600) Entry level manual worker $5000($4500) Office manager$6000 ($5100) Skilled manual worker $7000 ($5950) General doctor, teacher $8000($6800) Specialized doctor, professor $9000($7200) Governor, CEO, Public official $10,000 ($8,000) (Entrepreneurs can earn up to 20,000 tax-free, after that 20% tax capped at 50,000)
Pensions 1. Pensions are life long for all once they turn 60 and worked for 20 years or longer (UBI and adult students excluded) 2. Pensions are limited to $4,000 20/yrs 20% tax ($3200) $5,000 30/yrs 20 % tax($4000) $6,000 40/yrs 20% tax($4800)
Funding 1. Income taxes ranging from 10-20% 2. All sales tax 20%(Except bikes and computers) 3. Pensions taxed at 20% NOTE:. (Income, sales and pension taxes CANNOT be increased) 4. Business taxes of up to 20% 5. Public Transportation being privately owned taxed at 35% 6. (Vice Industries) Casinos, brothels, marijuana shops, liquor stores being privately owned but taxed at 40%. 7. All savings of more than $5000 belong to government after death.$5000 and less go to closest living relative.

Hello all,
I am here with my plan for my subreddit Reddit Nation
If you are interested in joining a (hopefully) newly formed island nation then this is the place to be.
I have prepared a plan that explains how we will go about doing such a task. More detailed elaborations for each component of the plan will be given at request.
Obviously the first question is where we would have our island. I have identified places of interest. One place of interest is the Nation of Belize. Belize is a small nation with a low GDP of 2 Billion and they are selling off most of their island. Islands with 50-100 acres can be acquired for around 500,000; give or take 50,000. From the people (Government Officials) I have contacted, they are perfectly okay with this plan.
Now here is a 5 step proposal of how this will come to fruition (I will expand on how we will finance this)

1. Acquire the island
2. Set up the initial infrastructure
   
   1. Form of Government that I propose is a constitutional monarchy
      1. Country will be run as a democracy (two chamber form of parliament)
      2. Noble titles such as Duke, Earl, Count, Lord, Baron etc will be sold off to help initially finance the island.
   2. Establishment of the Government Building
      1. For now this is where the government will convene until more infrastructure is added and the island is improved.
      2. People will be made citizens at this location
   3. Establishment of Civil Services
      1. Waste collection, Police, Social Services
   4. Establishment of a Port
      1. This will allow supplies to enter the island.
      2. This will allow for the island to participate with the rest of the world economically(I will expand on this later).
      3. The port will function as the entrance point and exit until the runway can be constructed.
   5. Establishment of Resident Housing
      1. This temporary housing will be until the island can be developed and more permanent buildings can be put up.
      2. Resident Housing and the Government building will be set up near the port until island development is completed
   6. Set up a massive solar powered crypto mining operation to help finance further development of the island
      1. A partnership with big mining companies can be brokered to have this set up
3. Make the Island a desirable location
   
   1. Set up the island as a luxury city
      1. Free housing for citizens
      2. Free healthcare for citizens
      3. Free schooling and university for citizens
   2. Build resorts and legalize gambling on the island
      1. The revenue generated from such activities will help finance further development of the island
      2. With the revenue generated from this, the island will be able to provide for the residents a luxury city
      3. The gambling industry investments will help to finance the island as well
   3. Make the island a banking haven
      1. Set up a bank on the island
      2. No KYC laws will be enforced on the island
      3. This will attract forgien investment into the island
   4. Allow cryptocurrency companies to conduct business without oversight and for miners to set up large scale operations using solar powered energy
   5. No income tax,sales tax, capital gains tax or corporate on the island
      1. Commercial businesses such as casinos, resorts, and banks will just pay slightly inflated property taxes
      2. This will help attract a lot more forgien investment as well
      3. Will attract companies to set up offices here and thus bring jobs to the island.
4. Expand on the island infrastructure
   
   1. Build an airport. The islands have enough space to accommodate runways for planes even up to jumbo jets
   2. Build more free luxury housing for residents
   3. Establish schools and universities
   4. Establish libraries
   5. Establish Museums
   6. Establish a healthcare system
5. Enjoy the luxury haven of an Island that we have built
   

Now for the question of how much this island will cost and how we will get the funding
According to my calculations (you can look at them below) it will cost us $2,600,000

• The Island itself
  
  • 500,000
• The Port
  
  • 200,000 to build
    • This will benefit us later when we receive forgien investments
  • 500,000 for 250 passenger ferry
    • We will budget around 100,000 for operating costs
• Initial Buildings
  
  • 1,000,000
    • These buildings will be permanently built but occupied until the island is built and then will be sold off to recoup the investment.
    • Buildings include
• Civil Services
  
  • Around 50,000 to purchase initial equipment and medical supplies
  • Another 100,000 to purchase ATVs
  • Another 100,000 to purchase off roading vehicles
• Bitcoin mining operation
  
  • We will get the money for the operation by partnering with a large company
• Water Purification
  
  • 50,000
• Food Supply
  
  • We will purchase MRE’s and other preserved food products for the island
  • An exact count of this cannot be made until we move further into the plan
• Further development of the island
  
  • This will be financed by the forgien investments in regards to banking, gambling and tourism along with money raised from property taxes

Now in regards to how we will raise that sum

• We will sell off noble titles (this is why we will set up a constitutional monarchy)
  
  • While no price has been established yet, the titles for sale can include
    • Duke, Duchess.
    • Marquess, Marchioness.
    • Earl, Countess.
    • Viscount, Viscountess.
    • Baron, Baroness.
• A small percentage of the island (less than 25%) will be earmarked for sale immediately. The part earmarked for sale will be part of the planned downtown district/capital and developers of this land will be allowed to build whatever structures they want and won't have the problem of jumping through hoops like zoning laws.
  
  • On a 60 acre island, 15 acres would be marked for sale
    • The acres on this haven of an island will be sold for 250,000 each so the island would raise 4.5 million and the sale of said acres will help kickstart the massive infrastructure of the island and provide the island with adequate funding.
• Once the island is set up, the island will continue to profit from digital activities which will allow it to not have to charge an income tax or corporate tax
  
  • Digital activities include the solar powered bitcoin mining operation
    • We will partner with an existing bitcoin company for this
  • Solar powered web hosting
• People can become citizens for a fee of $10 which will mainly go to the printing of their ID and filing in the government archives but the island will profit a few dollars off of this
  

If you have made it this far, please join the subreddit for this plan
More information to come soon, thank you.

It would be named : Imperium Terrae(Earth Empire) And have an All-powerful Emperor Each continent would have a powerful but not absolute King.
All Subjects of the Emperor (people) would have Free Excellent Healthcare (including dental and vision) Freedom of Speech, Assembly and Right to Bear Arms Compulsory popular vote on all Kingdom laws Free Excellent Education Free Housing, no rent/mortgage( King owns all land) Free and unprepared organic food Free clean water and electricity (renewable energy) Free internet access Universal Basic Income of U$1,000 ($800 with tax) Free funerals Private Sector Employees would have an equal share of 50% of company profits( Except Vice Industries) Retirement at age 60 for those who worked 20 years or more.
Work and Income
Work week differs by AGE, not income bracket 20-30 year olds work 7 hours a day, 4 wk/vacation 30-40 6 hours/day, 30 hours/week, 5 wk/vacation 40-50 5 hours/day, 25 hours/week 6 wk/vacation 50-60 5 hours/day, 25 hours/week 7 wk/vacation Workers entitled to 10 sick days, 5 fully paid and other 5 1/2 paid by employer and 1/2 paid by hospital.after that Hospital must pay missed work until you are healed.
Pay structure Social Strata/Tax rate goes from 20% -10%-15%-20% UBI is taxed 20% to encourage work Universal Basic Income $1000 ($800) University Student Income $ 2000(($1800) Housewife/Widow with children $3000( $2700) Entry level Office worker $4000($3600) Entry level manual worker $5000($4500) Office manager$6000 ($5100) Skilled manual worker $7000 ($5950) General doctor, teacher top manager $8000($6800) Specialized doctor, professor $9000($7200) Governor, CEO, Public official $10,000 ($8,000) (Entrepreneurs can earn up to 20,000 tax-free, after that 20% tax capped at 50,000)
Pensions Pensions are life long for all once they turn 60 and worked for 20 years or longer (UBI and adult students excluded) Pensions are limited to $4,000 20/yrs 20% tax ($3200) $5,000 30/yrs 20 % tax($4000) $6,000 40/yrs 20% tax($4800)
Funding Income taxes ranging from 10-20% Pensions taxed at 20% Business taxes of up to 20% Public Transportation being privately owned taxed at 35% (Vice Industries) Casinos, brothels, marijuana shops, liquor stores being privately owned but taxed at 40%. All sales tax 20% All withdrawals limited to 80% of annual income for upper 50 percentile. All savings of more than $5000 belong to government after death.

My friends and I had some ideas for new locations, POI's and vehicles that we'd like to see in the upcoming seasons and game in general:
​

• LOCATIONS
  • A full town with grocery store, gas station, mall, school, etc.
  • A giant theme/amusement park in the center of the island (with rideable rollercoasters, Ferris wheels and bumper cars, along with carnival games where you can win better loot), Also during summer months, a water park
  • A giant Casino (that has the weapon vending machines all over the places, along with a bunch of ways to get metal)
  • A bank
  • A theater

​

• POIs
  • A beach area (Like Sweaty Sands, but with less buildings and more just beach homes)
  • 2 sections on opposite sides of the map: one that has giant buildings and the opposite having tiny buildings. (Think one section of the map is like Ant-Manor and the other is like all of the tiny island recreations in creative)
  • A mountainside laboratory (this could have different things from Chapter 1[Hop Rocks, bits and pieces of the rocket and the meteor and bits and pieces of the Chapter 2 island)
  • An Aquarium (Don't tap the glass! Holds all types of fish, including sharks[though their not rideable and are just for show])
  • A news station (Cameras and a green screen that can actually be used)
  • A travelling circus (You can get balloons and fiery items here)
  • A Train Station that takes you from one side of the island to another (all of the four cardinal directions + NE, NW, SE, SW)

​

• NEW VEHICLES
  • New Cars:
    • Police Car: Same speed as Taxi Cab, but can turn on siren to increase speed, however that could draw attention towards you (risk = reward type thing) (No siren-Taxi speed, w/Siren-Whiplash speed) (1000 HP)
    • Mail Van: Can store weapons, bullets, consumables, etc in the back, as well as players. Only two people can be in the front seat at a time (A bit faster than a Semi-truck, but still slow, also the back lift door can be broken with launches out all things inside, including players.) (1200 HP)
    • Minivan: Can carry up to 8 people (really good for larger team modes.) Unique feature is that, since the middle seat doors are slide doors, players can stand so that their entire body is outside the car (GTA style) (About the same speed as the Sedan, but is good with gas) (1000 HP)
    • School Bus: Can carry a maximum of 25 players! The School Bus is the slowest vehicle, slower than even the semi-truck. Though what it lacks in speed, it makes up for in durability, coming in at a total 2000 HP, the School Bus has the same size wheels as the Pickup Truck, though their more durable.
    • Agent's Car: The Agent's Car is unique, as it will be the first car to have attached weaponry. Akin to the Biplane's Gatling guns, the Agent's Car will have one of three different weapons. Two Assault Rifles on either side, One Gatling gun or One Rocket Launcher. All 3 have boosts and are the same speed as the Whiplash.
  • Revised Vehicles
    • Shopping Cart: When playing alone, can hold consumables (Medkits, Grenades, etc)
    • ATK: Can now hold one extra weapon
    • Quadcrasher: Boost refills a bit slower

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• Brand-New Vehicles
  • Motorcycle: Exactly as the name suggests, it's a motorbike, plain and simple. there will be four types of motorbikes: Sportbike, the Whiplash of the motorbikes. Offroad Bike, Fast on the road, easier to get over mountains and through forests compared to the rest of the vehicles. The Retro Bike, a classic bike, second-slowest out of the four, though it still has some zip. The final bike is the Scooter. The slowest of the bikes, but it can hold two players The Motorcycles can only hold one player (with the exception of the scooter), though players have the option to shoot while on the bikes. Each Bike has a total of 800 HP, though they are hard to hit. If a wheel is popped, it will completely wreck the bike. Same as the previous vehicles before it, The Motorcycle will spawn in multiple places around the map, most times in a cluster of 4... HOWEVER, in each game, regular motorcycle spawns will be replaced by...
  • The Pedal Bike!: This vehicle is the weakest in the game. There are three types of Pedal Bikes in the game: The BMX bike is the fastest and goes quickly while off-road. The Practice Bike is the slowest, as it still has training wheels, though it can hold consumables in it's bar basket. The final type of Pedal Bike is the Big Wheel, it's a tricycle. it's slow, it's weak, it can be stopped by anything, even though there's no real brakes. Pedal Bikes will always spawn in town areas (Salty Springs, Pleasant Park, Holly Hedges, etc)
  • The Attack Helicopter: This is, in essence, as fusion of the X-4 and Choppa. Holds up to 5 players, with one pilot, each of the other players mans a weapon of some sort. Gatling guns, Snipers, Rocket Launcher, etc. When a player decides to exit the Attack Choppa, they will have glider redeploy. There is also a hook on the bottom of the Attack Choppa that is raised/lowered with whatever the equivalent of left and right bumpers are on your specific platform (RB+LB, R1+L1, L+R, etc), this hook can be used to pick up other things on the map such as vehicles, walls, roofs, etc. The Attack Helicoptor has a total of 1800 HP
  • THE TANK: This is the big one. This is what's inside the Bunker. The Tank is a two person operated vehicle, just like the B.R.U.T.E. One player drives while the other shoots the guns (A stronger grenade launcher, a basic rocket launcher and a homing rocket launcheguided missile return). The Tank does not have destructable wheels, though they are a higher damage spot (like the choppa's rotors). The Tank has a total of 5000 HP. This may seem a touch overpowered, but as I said, it's very like the B.R.U.T.E. in the way that: Once the tank is taken and starts to move, it will appear on the map. The Tank has two weak points: The caterpillar wheels and the gun itself, if you can land a direct shot with and RPG or an explosive in general, then The Tank will take major damage! Once The Tank is down to 0 HP, it will start a 3-second-countdown before it blows for good and deals 250 damage to anyone, and anything in the surrounding area.
  • The Tractor: It's just a tractor, it spawns at farm areas. It's slow and doesn't have much health (I think we just need more silly things in the game like the balloons or the snowmen.)

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• NEW GAMEMODES:
  • Bicycle Race: A race from Point A - Point B using the Pedal Bike
  • Defeat the Horde: 5 players start as Husks, Zombies, whatever you want to call them, and the rest of the 50 person lobby needs to either outlast for 15 mins, or destroy the horde. Other players become horde members once attacked, there are three types of zombies (the ones that throw, the ones that slash and the walls)
  • Isle Defense: 8 players in Tanks must defeat Two Giants trying to destroy the island in any way they can (stomping, smashing, etc)
  • Tank Royale: Same basic idea as Air Royale, just with the Tank
  • Jewel Heist: A game mode where two opposing teams must steal 4 of the gem llamas from a building using C4, Grapplers, Smoke Grenades, etc and win by getting away without being caught by the opposing team, or by stealing the four gem llamas and eliminating everyone else.
  • Capture the Flag: 50 V 50, but each team has a Gem Llama and needs to get it to their side of the map before the other team. Best of 3, giant, indestructable wall divides the island and blocks the other team from seeing where they hid their llama. All vehicles (bar the Tank and B.R.U.T.E) are usable. The Gem Llama has the same properties as the Gas Can, minus the explosions.
  • Prop Hunt: It's just Prop Hunt
  • Escape Room: Get through 5, gradually more difficult challenge rooms before the other team.
  • The Toybox: A rapidly changing mode, kind of like Battle Lab, but you can use Creative exclusive items on the main island as well as true vaulted items (Zap-o-tron, Guided Missile) as well as choosing between the current Island, whatever changes to the Island after December 1st, as well as the Old, Chapter 1 Island. You will also be able to change the season of which island you're on (Ch1 Se4, Ch2 Se 3, Ch1 Se 8), it just won't have any sponsered/branded areas (no Gotham, Stark Industries, Pandora: However you can use the cel-shaded style.) You can also decide what you want on the Island before spawning in: You want 3 different volcanoes around the map? Go for it! You want every location to be replaced by Misty Meadows? Cool! You can do whatever you want and change the Island however you want. You can also choose to spawn in any Mythic items, they would just be name changed (Stark Rifle to Energy Rifle). You can choose if you want any AI bosses/henchmen around the map, and you can choose where to spawn them.
  • Bright Yellow: Solid Gold, but just with Mythic items
  • Truly Unvaulted: Unvaulted but there's also items like the Dart Trap, vaulted vehicles, the previously used Mythics, The Guided Missile, The Infinity Blade, the Zap-O-Tron.
  • Paint Ball: Just like Splatoon, two teams of [X] people will be armed with Paint Cannons that launch the Paint Grenades* in a contained area (Named Location/Larger POI)
  • Deathrace: 20 Players. 10 Teams. Traps, Ramps, Husks and Explosives everywhere. All in the Agent's Car. First one to finish wins......... Or the last team standing.

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• NEW WEAPONS
  • The Cannon (Epic): I know that cannons were in the game before, but if they brought back like a shoulder cannon that shoots 4 cannonballs.
  • *Paint Grenade (Common): A grenade that does minor damage (at most 50), but covers a medium-sized area in a bright color of paint (blue, pink, red, green, yellow, orange, etc, it's random), this includes players, builds and vehicles. The paint remains on any objects it hits until they coming in contact with water. Spawns in 4.
  • Water Balloon (Uncommon): Just a water balloon. It can be thrown and will explode on contact. Does minor, flinching damage (25 headshot at most), but can be used for game modes, and cleaning off paint.
  • Elemental Sword (Mythic): Spawns on top of a mountain. Can be thrown, swung and used to deflect bullets. Using Deflect + Left Bumper or Right Bumper can switch between the four elements. Water has the effect of launching an H2O blast that homes in on opponents, goes a maximum of 150 meters before dissipating, has the same effect as running into someone in a Whiplash: Major Damage + Large Knockback. (Cooldown is 35 seconds) Fire can be swung, dealing not only a large amount of damage, but also giving whoever it hits a burn affect (like being in a 1X1 cube shot by a flare gun). It can be shot, just like water, but causes the same effect as a stronger flare gun, goes 75 meters. and can be thrown having the same effect. (Cooldown for all effects is 35 seconds) Earth can only be swung, though it deals the most damage. When jumping you can do the Earthly Strike: a downwards strike that increases in strength, the farther you fall. When it reaches the ground it causes and Island wide earthquake the stuns all other players, this takes the most time to cooldown (120 seconds). The final element is Air: This element allows you to launch a chargeable tornado towards opponents, the longer you hold the charge, the stronger and further the tornado will launch. This form of the sword will also allow for something I call: "Tornado Travel" where you start rapidly spinning and it will raise and carry you into and through the air, this will last for 15 seconds before slowly descending. "Tornado Charge & Travel" have a simultaneous cooldown of 40 seconds. Element changes are instantaneous.
  • The Homing Droid (Legendary): A small droid that, when placed will roll around for 30 seconds before either exploding or teleport back to you. There are two modes to The Homing Droid: One where you control the droid in a remote location and another where the droid rolls about on it's own. If the droid senses that there is someone nearby, it will immediately disconnect from the remote and bolt towards the sensed opponent before either exploding or coming back to you(NOTE: By disconnect, I mean that you won't be able to control it anymore, rather it will go on it's own, but the camera will remain on.) The droid will lose focus however if you get far enough away from it. It will track down any opponents for roughly 300M, though if you get into a vehicle, or just get away fast enough, you won't be hunted. It will have a separate health bar, at a total of 65 HP.
  • The Burner (MYTHIC): It's a flamethrower, plain and simple. It doesn't take regular bullets, rather it takes gas. If you have a gas can in your inventory when you have The Burner, it will gradually deplete from the gas can. It will also take ammunition from a *Propane/Propain Tank. The Burner takes up two inventory slots
  • *Propane/Propain Tanks(Around The Island): It's basically just the "KA-BOOM" tanks that could be found at The Rig and are currently found around Weeping Woods. They are bigger, stronger and can be put into your inventory. You can stack up to 5 ProPain Tanks in your inventory at one time. However, when you have both ProPain Tanks and The Burner in your inventory, a ProPain Tank will leave your inventory and attach to The Burner. After emptying a ProPain Tank, it will drop and fade out of the game.

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I really hope you like my ideas and feel free to share your ideas in the comments! (just don't be mean if someone has a different opinion on the old island)
EDIT 1: I've added some more weapons and stuff.