Top 5 Poker Chip Tricks For You To Master, Explained by ...

First, consider this a template you can adjust to your needs. I knew the type of players in the group and what they were capable of, so I tailored the encounter to them.
Second, this fight is stupidly complex by normal 5e standards. I'm heavily influenced by MMOs, so I like crazy intricate boss fights. This is designed based on the assumption that the players will know everything she can do, so the puzzle is just executing rather than discovering how things work. I had a trusted lieutenant who'd been playing both sides for a long time, so he was my narrative excuse to give the players all the information.
Third, the environment was an enclosed tower, 45 feet across by 75 feet long by 80 feet tall. Four pillars stretched from ground to ceiling with torches of white flame on each, facing the center of the room. Torches were also spread evenly along the tower walls with flames of six different colors, two of each color. Here's a picture for reference (ignore the poker chips, we were just using them to track elevation): https://imgur.com/a/TJrSJoP. The use of these will be explained in the Lair Action section below. You can use whatever colors you want, but I used red, yellow, orange, pink, green, and blue.
The boss herself was Zariel, but I deviated quite a bit from canon lore. In my version, she was a mortal warrior who ascended to being a celestial before falling to become Archduchess of Avernus. As a result, she wavered back and forth between her forms, following a pattern of Devil, Mortal, Angel, Mortal, and then repeat. She has different abilities based on what form she is currently in, and the transformation takes place at the beginning of each of her turns. Rather than deal with minions to balance action economy, I just gave her four turns, one after each of the players.
Without further ado, here she is.

Stats
Size: Large
HP: 400
AC: 21
Speed: 90 feet (flying)
Primary Stats: Str +8, Dex +6, Con +10, Int +8, Wis +8, Cha +10
Senses: True Sight
Immunities: Devil form - fire, poison, necrotic. Angel form - radiant, poison. Mortal form - cold.

Passive Abilities
Note - When I say "round" in the descriptions, I mean a full set of turns, regardless of whether that is, for example, round 2 of combat or the second half of round 2 and the first half of round 3.
Regeneration: Zariel heals for 10 HP at the beginning of her turn unless she is at 0 HP or her healing has been disrupted. When Zariel takes on her Angel form, she will not heal if she has received necrotic damage in the last round of combat. When Zariel takes on her Devil form, she will not heal if she has received radiant damage in the last round of combat. When Zariel takes on her Mortal form, she will not heal if she has received force damage in the last round of combat.
Ascendant Rage: When Zariel takes damage, she gains one stack of Rage. She can only gain one stack per source of damage. (Not sure how to word this, but like Scorching Ray = 3 stacks, multiattack = 2 stacks, but attack + smite from a paladin = 1 stack. Generally, multiple rolls = multiple stacks.) Each stack makes Zariel deal 1 additional damage to any creature she damages and makes Zariel take 1 less damage from any source of damage. Zariel loses all stacks of Ascended Rage if she does not take damage from a hostile creature for a full round of combat.
Incapacitation Resistance: Zariel has advantage on any saving throws for which a failure would cause her to be incapacitated. (I did this to avoid her getting locked down too easily, but I didn't want full magical resistance to deny casters doing good damage.)
Legendary Resistance: The standard three uses.

Lair Action
Zariel expends the energy in one of the torches around the room, causing the torch to go dark and empowering Zariel in some way. The effect of each is as follows:

Red: When Zariel is damaged by a melee attack, she can use her reaction to counterattack with Corrupt Soul, Soul Judgment, or Whack, as appropriate for her form at the time. (edited after someone pointed out I forgot to mention the reaction cost)
Yellow: Zariel's AC is increased by 7.
Orange: Zariel's attacks automatically hit the target, regardless of her roll (even a nat 1). She can still roll to try to crit.
Pink: On a successful attack, Zariel's target must make a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw. On a failure, the target experiences the effects of the Confusion spell and can attempt the saving throw again at the end of each of their turns.
Green: On a successful attack, Zariel's target suffers a -5 penalty to their attack rolls and spell save DC until the end of their next turn. This effect does not stack with itself if the same target is hit multiple times.
Blue: Zariel casts the spell Sleet Storm, but she is not affected by the spell.

The effect can be dismissed by picking up the other torch of the same color and using it to color the 4 white flame torches in the center.* If successfully dismissed in this way, the colored torch the players were using goes dark, the white flames return to the center torches, and Zariel cannot use that effect again. If Zariel uses a subsequent lair action to change effects rather than having it forcibly dismissed, the power returns to the initial torch and it regains its colored flame.

* I allowed this to happen for free as long as they were adjacent to the white torch they wanted to color. This way, the players were only limited by their movement rather than action economy. Feel free to adjust depending on how much of a stickler you are for the rules.

Actions
Devil form

Multiattack: Zariel can attack twice with Exploit the Defenseless, twice with Corrupt Soul, or once with each.
Exploit the Defenseless: +12 to hit, 3d6+6 necrotic damage. This ability automatically crits if the target is Defenseless (see Angel form below).
Corrupt Soul: +12 to hit, 2d12+8 necrotic damage. On a hit, the target becomes Corrupted. Corruption can be cleansed by splashing the character with holy water or any other means the DM feels like allowing.
Wall of Fire: Just the standard spell.
Immolating Gaze: 120 foot range, 4d6 fire damage and ignited (1d10 fire damage at start of turn until fire is put out), DC 18 Wisdom save for half damage.

Angel form

Soul Judgment: +12 to hit, 3d8+6 radiant damage. This ability automatically crits if the target is Corrupted (see Devil form above).
Safe and Secure: Zariel removes any temporary afflictions or conditions ailing her and teleports to an unoccupied location of her choice within 30 feet.
Stupor: The target must make a DC 20 Charisma saving throw. On a failure, the target is charmed by Zariel, falls prone, and begins worshiping her. They are considered Defenseless. The charm and Defenseless conditions can be removed by speaking to the target and reminding them of an important moment, as an aid for them to recall their true self. (This was put in as a way to make my players remember stuff the other people had done during the campaign for the sake of reminiscing. It seemed fitting for the final session.)
Master of the Skies: Bolts of lightning arc out from Zariel toward all other creatures in flight. Targets must make a DC 20 Dexterity saving throw or be knocked to the ground, taking 2d10 lightning damage plus any applicable falling damage. On a success, a target takes only half the lightning damage and is able to remain airborne.

Mortal form

Multiattack: Zariel can use Whack three times, plus one additional time for each 100 HP she is missing.
Whack: +12 to hit, 1d12+8 whatever damage matches the weapon you want her to have.
Intimidation: Creatures within 20 feet of Zariel must make a DC 20 Wisdom saving throw. On a failure, the creature had disadvantage on all attacks made on Zariel, and Zariel has advantage on all attacks against the creature. Creatures who fail this saving throw can attempt it again at the end of each of their turns.
Imposed Bloodlust: The target must make a DC 18 Wisdom saving throw. On a failure, the target flies into a blinding rage, losing concentration and the ability to cast spells. The target immediately assesses the situation and locks on to the nearest living creature. The target must use its next turn attempting to do as much damage as possible to the target it locked onto.
Seismic Slam: Zariel flies down and strikes the ground with incredible force. Creatures within 15 feet of her impact position take 1d8 bludgeoning damage for every 10 feet Zariel descended (e.g., 5d8 if she flew down from 50 feet above the ground) and must make a DC 20 Strength saving throw or be knocked prone.

I think that covers everything, so let me know what you think or if you have any questions. Just wanted to share what turned out to be a fun fight for my group.

[Inception] The ending explained and what it means for Cobb.

Stories from 12 years of Casino Industry

I was asked to make a post about some stories within the Casino grounds so I thought I'd share. I have many so I'll do my best to pick the better ones.
Some back information: I've been a Casino Dealer for 11 years, I've been a supervisor for five years, and I've been a Surveillance Operator for one year. I've worked at three properties, none of which are connected or owned by the same company. I've worked on : Government/Private/Native American owned casinos.

From Hero to Zero.

At my first Casino, I was one of the first group of people who were trained to deal Roulette . After 4 weeks of working 6PM-3AM then doing roulette training from 3AM-8AM (Not paid) , I actually really enjoyed the game and after about six months I became extremely quick at the number game and the pace of the action was steady with very low margin of errors. Young man walks in, cashes in for $500. He buys in for $2 chips and just loads the board. After a few spins and pretty decent hits, he then changes his chips from $2 to 5$ then to $10 and racks his winnings up to $10,000. It was then, five spins in a row, he loaded the board with some pretty gross bets, and every spin I would hit the ONE number with either NO CHIPS on it, or maybe 1 chip , He lost all $10,000 in a matter of minutes. He leaves , and I go on break. After my break I was going back to the same table and wouldn't you know it, the same young man walks in and cashes in another $500. He tells me he just sold his car outside and this is all that he had left. So we do the same deal, buys in for $2 chips, then slowly starts betting $5 chips, $10, $25...and he makes $10,000 AGAIN. Within the next 25 minutes it was straight agony. Every spin, same thing, he would bet $2500 in chips, and win only $250, $400, and after about a half hour he lost it all . Never saw the guy again.
2) Man down
At this property, we are 24 hours for table games. It's currently 5AM , and I'm dealing some $25 Blackjack to this guy. He's probably early thirties , heavy guy. He's sober as can be, but right away I can tell he's been losing. We know how much you've bought in for, how much your down, or up, and I could see he was down $2000+. After about twenty minutes of pure losing, his temper starts to flare.At this point I now have two other guests at my table. Drinking coffee, not saying a word, just losing their money. After losing hand, after hand, this guy looks me straight in the eye, seized up, starts shaking, he can't move. He tries to punch towards me and smashes his stack of chips all over the place and falls backwards to the floor. I call for security, we cannot touch him due to liability . I can't move from my table because, well, liability / casino cash property, all I can do is try to talk to him. As I'm doing so, these other two woman who are sitting at my table just look at me and one says "OK, dealer, cmon lets go " as she taps the table telling me to start dealing and forget about the guy having a stroke on the floor. As security takes him to the ambulance out front, I had to stay behind for a couple minutes and give a statement. I go on break. I come back, and 45 minutes later, he comes right back in with a oxygen tank and keeps gambling for the remainder of the morning.
3) You get a dildo, and YOU get a dildo!
On a late summer Saturday night, we had a large event for these massive muscle guys/strongman competition type thing. After their show, I'm at the roulette table , and five of these boys come over to play. They were absolutely hilarious. They were feeling pretty good, cashed in somewhat large amounts and I could tell this was going to be a fun time. After about a hour of dealing to these guys, it's almost midnight, everybody is pretty hammered , I spin the ball, and all five of these guys take out these god damn (what I can only tell was) two feet purple dildos from inside their pants, and wiping them around in the air. The ladies were just loving it, one of the dildos landed in the roulette wheel and we had to shut the table down to re-calibrate the wheel to make sure nothing had been changed. I just remember that night was so much damn fun, I couldn't believe what I was seeing and I would never forget it.
4) Full Moon
On this day, I was actually training dealers / supervising them on small games like Three Card poker. We opened the table at 10AM, and this older man came and sat down . He played all day. The jackpot was $21,000 and that was pretty high for this table. He played, and played and played. He's one of the players where you know he's wearing a diaper because he's been drinking coffee/pop all day and hasn't moved in eight hours. As the day went on, this man never moved from his chair. Getting closer to midnight, he was aggravated and said "I need to go have a smoke, I'm getting killed in here". He left, and the very next hand, the lady beside him was dealt the jackpot . He didn't say much, but you could just tell he just hated life at that very moment because had he not gotten up, it would of been his hand. The man calmly took his cane , his hat, jacket, coffee, and left. The next morning I found out when he did leave he drove his car straight through his bank and was arrested.
5) Slick Robber
I actually give props to people who can actually pull this off. This story may confuse you so I'll try and explain things as best as possible. A lot of casinos have machines as soon as you walk through the front doors. A man walks up to one of these machines and sticks in HIS $100 bill. He doesn't gamble it, instead he hits the cash out button and gets a $100 TITO ticket where he then takes the ticket to the ATM machine to get his $100. Now remember, his Original $100 is in the slot machine. He then takes the $100 from the ATM and goes back to the same machine, and repeats this process over a hundred times. Essentially he's taking money from the ATM, and loading up the Slot Machine . Now he knows he can't do it too much because if the slot machine gets full of money, the machine will shut down and the slow attendant will have to take all the cash out. So he deposits over $10,000 , then has a small crowbar, he cracks the machine open and makes a run out the front door. To my knowledge he was never caught . But damn, that was pretty smart .
EDIT:
6) Mental Health is a thing.
10PM man walks in to play some high limit BlackJack. This guy knows the game and played well. Dressed nice, drank juice/tea , a little bit of a attitude, cashed in over $10,000. When this man was half way down his buy in, he said something a long the lines of "If I don't win here tonight, I'm going to go set myself on fire." I wasn't sure if he was serious because when people are down, they tend to say a lot of nonsense. I actually left early that night, and from a third party was told he did exactly that in the parking lot. The next day it was clear something terrible had gone wrong in the parking lot .
EDIT:
7) Nothing good happens after midnight
After a busy Saturday night, I was dealing a mix of games, and during this story I was in the middle of Blackjack. I had one young kid (probably 19) sitting in the middle, one older male probably in his later 40's sitting beside him on his right, and I had a really nice couple in their 20's sitting together at the other side. This young kid wasn't playing just sort of watching, and ever time the old man won he would give this young guy some of his winnings. The older man, was a wine drinker, and he had black between all of his teeth, I'll never forget. He's a little drunk but nothing terrible. As the night goes on, the older man goes and uses the washroom, at which point the couple asked the young guy "Oh was that your dad?" and the young guy says "Hah, no I wish!". The couple and I just looked at each other. This old guy, was in complete control over this kid. Absolutely disgusting. The night ends, and I find out the couple called a few of their friends, and they all waited outside by this old mans truck and beat the living hell out of him. 40 years old, sleeping with a 19 year old, completely brain washed . Very weird.
8) That one co-worker where you just wish they would quit.
One of our co-workers, nice guy but had a very big ego and we as employees just sorta left him alone. One day he had enough of the atmosphere and quit. Now usually when you quit, you cannot come back until you paperwork is finalized. How ever, HR was in that day, and he was given the paperwork the very next day. He came in, cashed in $1000, and made $50,000 in about a hour at the Baccarat table. My manager, was extremely annoyed, because now this guy is just mocking the casino and having the time of his life (Thanks for the big tip by the way :) ) and so he decides to call it quits. He wants to ban himself and he wants $50,000 in cash. The casino says Nope, we are going to give you a cheque. Now here's the thing, most business people will take the cheque, how ever you CANT CASH the cheque until the following monday because it's on that day where the funds are available. The casino on the other hand will cash their own check in anytime , because they want you to play. So this guy pretty much said go to hell I want my cash, and he called the police. Police show up, and management promptly gave him the cash.I though it was absolutely hilarious .

9) No good deed goes un punished
I was dealing Three Card Poker, and the jackpot was around $17,000. This old man (a regular) was sitting there all day grinding it out. Super nice guy, always a pleasure to deal to. Well, after hours of playing, he stands up and says "Hey john!, can you come here for a minute?" so his buddy John comes over. He says to John "I need to go take a piss real quick, can you play my card until I get back?" John agrees . John takes the chips and I stop him and explain he can't play his friends chips, he needs to cash in and play his own. And he does. Welp, second hand out and bam, doesn't he win it. The old man comes back and is so happy, he can't believe it. John, took his $17,000, didn't say a word to his "buddy" and walked away. I never felt so much hatred in all my life. Didn't give him a dollar, not a thank you, nothing. The old man sits back down again, the progressive resets to $2500, and he sat there grinding away again.
10) The Top Knot
I had this player , young guy, who was born into a fortune. One of his relatives passed away and left him a pretty big sizable amount of money, so he played poker every single day for the rest of his days. I will add, he IS a good player. I did not enjoy his company just because of the "Know-it-All" attitude, but he was good. We'll call him John. John is 5'10, and well build, with muscle. John also decided today was the day to show off his Top Knot. (google top knot if you're not sure what I mean) So he sits down, and he's absolutely KILLING the table. Every hand, after hand, after hand. And because he's in such a good mood, he's playing any two cards, calling any $500 bet, and he's just dominating. This one guy at the table decided he had enough. He got up, without saying a word and left. A moment later, he comes back in, walks behind John, and takes a pair of scissors , and cuts off his Top Knot. I for one couldn't believe it, dying laughing inside, and it just turned into one big brawl. That was a good day.
11) That one bad seed
One of my best friends who I haven't seen in YEARS ended up being part of the crew. Was kind of nice to catch up. We never really got along as we grew up because he has a very high picture of himself . He wanted that 10/10 woman. A mansion, and a new Corvette. So every month or so we would all go up to the other casino to play. I myself would bring no more than $500, but I couldn't understand how this guy (we'll call him Kyle) was spending THOUSANDS of dollars at the tables. So this wen on for a few months. Well, one day, as we're closing the casino, he and I are in the High Limit room and we're getting ready to close the tables. We are told to take the chips out, count them, put them back, sign this piece of paper and that's it. Well as the supervisor was locking the tray, the piece of paper fell to the floor, so she asked Kyle to grab the piece of paper. As he bends over, a great big $500 chip falls right out of his sock. Kyle was fired immediately , but it all made sense. They offered Kyle a deal where if he replaced all the stolen chips they would not make it public. Not sure how that turned out.
12) If I ever decide to write a book, this will be the last chapter: <3
After working at my first Casino for five years, I met a Indian woman who was visiting from another part of the country. During this time I was explaining a game to her, which honestly I don't think she even cared. She explained she was visiting and sight seeing , and that was that.Well, two years later I ended up moving to the other side of the country and transferred casinos, and low and behold she worked there as a Dealer. We got married , and it's been 5 years.
13) The Tip
One of our tables that we've had for a couple years had a progressive jackpot that had reached $100,000. The dealer at the table was sitting pretty lonely. Nobody really played the game because people knew it was extremely difficult to win the jackpot. My memory is a tad foggy, but you somehow needed to flop the royal flush. This young guy sits down and says to the dealer, we'll call him John. "John, if you pay me that jackpot, I will tip you $10,000" Well John started dealing, and about a half hour into his shift, he F*cking did it. He dealt him the royal. And you know something?This young lad, kept his word, and he made sure there was a audience, and he tipped exactly $10,000. That was a moment right there. That pay cheque was real nice. I think we all got about $500 more than usual. The moment that jackpot was awarded they got rid of the table because the money it was making was not near what the casino wanted. I'm sure there have been bigger tips at other casinos, but that was something special .
14) The Lawsuit
Now this story I'm going to have to beat around the bush a bit due to the nature of what happened. I can't won't answer any questions that you may have on this topic other than what I have to say because it had a lot of publicity . The waitresses at this casino had to wear very thin sexy clothes. Not borderline legal, but it was noticed. One day they called all the waitresses to come in and explained they were changing their outfit to something even more sexier. Now these new dresses were very very borderline legal . The staff said No way. We're not wearing that.So , friday night comes, and the staff work their whole shift, then at the end of their shift were called into a meeting and were all fired. Welp, one of those ladies father was a pretty big time lawyer. Brough the casino to court and won. They won big. Good for them. We had no waitresses for a couple days haha.
Thanks for reading along, I have many more I can add as the day goes on, those were just some off the top of my head. Feel free to ask any questions of the Casino industry. I don't really have many stories about the surveillance department because that's the one area where I can't really say a whole lot due to its privacy and contracts I was and still am under.

I combined my meta currency and progression systems and I'd like to get your feedback.

JoJo's Bizarre OC Tournament #4 - Round 3 Match 4 - Cabernet Sauvignon and Inch Nine vs Byte and Fira B

The results are in for Match 2.
Jade had been building, and building, managing to shrug past the bullets sent their way and just eating the chips in their quite literal armor, able to easily replenish it with yet more mud. The mud had stopped Dread from chasing them, and she had gone off and burned the place to scare the people off. Whatever. It complemented what it was they had desired…
All it would take now was this finishing touch, this last gesture of nonaggression towards Sentient Oona, who they were certain simply wished not to be bothered, did not care for any of this commodification of its very existence.
It was crass. It was sickening. It drove Jade, who just wished to live their own life, mad to think about, and now, nobody would follow, soon as they were a short swim through the basin away. The shrine itself would be a sinking island of concrete silk soon. All that would be left then was to use the cover of the dirtying water to avoid the bullets of the fan club, the last guard unit perched within the shrine.
Yet bullets never came, and above them, Jade felt instead a terrible heat, noted the appearance of spiked rubber on their mud-caked back. Something with an exoskeleton like an insect’s stood above them, they careened their head to see who was above them. It was Dread, barely swerving her body past dragonflies which had caught on to her malicious intent and meant to fry her.
“You again… I said fall down… Off.” They spoke with guttural contempt. “How did… You even…”
“You ruined my new boots, Antlerhead, but I am afraid that as much as the ground by which we did our battle had been soiled… You miscalculated in, I think, a fateful way, to utilize that ghastly terminology.” Briefly, indicatively, she looked to her side, and Jade understood as their opponent continued. “You didn’t destroy the bridge first. All I needed to do was walk across, watch your movements… And hop on.”
“You... still talk… too much.” Jade grunted, then, and spat at her, putting on their strongest face.
Then they saw so many dragonflies, flying towards both of them as fell bladed arms raised and descended.
The winner is Dread, with a score of 73 to Jade’s 71!

Category	Winner	Point Totals	Comments
Popularity	Tie	15-15	The first two matches in a row, up to the final moments, saw decent turnout while resulting in a tie by deadline.
Quality	Red Carpet Renaissance	24-21	Reasoning
JoJolity	Black Hill Estate	24-25	Reasoning
Conduct	Tie	10-10

After a few futile moments trying to commune with the alien, Dread stepped over that bridge once more, back onto land and stood over the lake where they had left Jade. After that final confrontation, the dragonflies had all dissipated, Sentient Oona either sated or exhausted after that final exchange of blows, and for a few days, slumbering.
Both of the fighters had been covered in blood, covered in gore, covered in wounds. The fire raged on even as the trapped god’s rage quelled, heat counteracted by the cool of the muddy, bloody lake, which Dread, feeling theatrical, turned herself away from.
“How quaint! A beast such as yourself thinking you had a chance beating a woman of my stature. Cute, really. Your malodorous challenge was something indeed, and I will admit that you… That you…”
Dread’s lip began to quiver. Her trip was RUINED!
She didn’t even get a single souvenir! Her train of thought lost, tears well in her eyes. Joywave fell, and she turned away from Jade, beginning to sob. She needed to go hug someone.
To this end, then, she ran and ran, tromping across the edge of the marsh towards the direction of the evacuating town she’d last seen her friend head, who surely would be not judgmental over such a platonic request as consolation. Mr. Jones was surely-
Ah. He’d already left, huh?
All he had left behind, then, was the Green Flying Man, clutching a massive gash in his flickering, transformed torso, hand feebly fumbling with a rotary phone in one of the few buildings not on fire yet.
“H… H-hello? Matilda? It’s… Nngh, it’s an emergency situation! The… The Estate is empty, and the closest member’s here with me in Sentient Oona and I’ll try and get back with them, but a guy cut his own leg off and died and everything’s on fire and Memory… He grabbed Memory Management, and said he knew how to kill her, that he would if she doesn’t-”
Click!
A fell claw hung the phone up, then severed the line, and Green collapsed, having been tripped and sent to the floor.
“Y-you! But if you’re here, th-that means-” Green whined. “No… No, no, no…”
“Do not irritate me with your whining!” The crying Dread, using Joywave, brought her hand down, then the other, then raised them, then brought each down again, and repeated this, and repeated this. “I! Am in! A very bad mood!”
The Green Flying Man was not long for the world anyway thanks to the distinctive sabre wound which had gouged him (a normal man would have been dead already), despite what he had said to assure whoever he was on the phone with, already fading from being, but he practically disintegrated seconds into Dread’s onslaught, and she hardly registered this until she stood, breathing heavily in the aftermath of her tantrum.
If… If what he said was true, then the reason Mr. Jones has left me here, messy and with no souvenirs to my name… Still sniffling pathetically, Dread quivered, trying to stiffen her posture. Then he, at least, had his success…
There’s only a few hours left, as of posting this match, to vote in its predecessor, a duel between a cactus-mancer and a clone-summoner in a clock tower.
Scenario:
Elephant Bones 2 - Afternoon
The empty former diner and tax shelter, adjacent to the legitimate restaurant to which it was a sequel, had constantly had people watching after it since the incident before, when ANVIL militia members had occupied it with the intention of using it to raid and capture the restaurant proper. For Fira B, the place made for a fine space to do paperwork and generally not be easily found when she wasn’t outright needed, also serving double duty in how it kept hooligans from their hooliganry.
“I raise you better dental. It’s a top-secret dental plan - people like us normally don’t get to know about it. But... you gotta risk 8% of the raise you earned so far.”
Byte, sitting at the table opposite her, pondered it over, not typically the type to end up in poker games, but having wanted a raise and found himself very easily swayed by Fira, basically, implying he was afraid to handle it this way, worried he would lose. Sure, Fira was probably blatantly cheating, but hey, so was he, and as it was, his pay was about to go up 10%.
Thanks to his Stand, he already had everything he needed to make a perfect game… All saved in spades, card-counted to hell for the perfect moment, and this forbidden dental plan for teeth beyond compare had been his ultimate goal this entire time.
“Alright, I’ll call.” The final hands were dealt and played to, then, tensely, before he declared, putting it all down on the table, “royal flush, all spades! Those secret teeth are as good as-”
Fira, grinning, displayed her own hand, then, having prepared her own forbidden technique for this exact eventuality, this moment. Not one, two, three, or four Aces in her hand, nor even something so hackneyed as an errant fifth Ace. She had gone beyond Poker, and displayed a devastating, never-before-seen six Aces technique, all in different suits. Everyone in real Poker knew that that was even better.
“No way… Dammit, that’s cheating! No way you seriously got-”
“So were you. Don’t forget this loss, Byte. Work hard, and maybe one day you’ll be able to get any teeth you want. Even mine, if you’re ruthless enough.”
He was about to raise an objection, then, when another figure walked through the faux-restaurant doors, carrying with them a face-obscuring massive gift basket full of assorted soaps and candies that look like soaps. More troublingly, as both parties present immediately narrowed their eyes at, though, was the uniform the figure was wearing.
They were clad in body armor, aqua and blue with white accents, the unmistakable colors of VALKYRIE and its members, complete with the sidearm all were known for carrying idly resting at their side.
“What do you want.” Fira asked sternly, about to stand up.
“Oh, the boss asked me to drop these off to sweeten the deal!”
“Deal?” Her voice lowered, and she stood tall, Byte almost wanting to grin at the sight of what was to come. “I don’t know anything about a ‘deal’.”
“Oh, right, uh, probably should’ve led with that!” Awkwardly, the recruit, young-looking, Byte surmised, put the gift basket down on the table. “See, uh, he wants you to swing by the address on the card later, says he’s sure you could help with-”
Effie Linder was sitting outside, fiddling frustratedly with the wi-fi as she tried to remember exactly what the new password was, only to see the man who’d walked in in a VALKYRIE uniform literally thrown out, crying out and hitting the pavement like a ragdoll. It made her smirk, despite herself and her contempt for the boss.
Fira brushed her hands off, seething and staring before letting the doors shut. Byte, meanwhile, looked over the gift basket, smelling one of the soaps, and one of the candies, within.
“Not bad, actually… Whoever picked this out has some taste. Always bugged me how soap doesn’t taste like it smells…”
“Eugh, I swear… VALKYRIE is acting chummy with us now... It’s one thing for their enemies to fight us because of some bad timing, but we are not people VALKYRIE sends gift baskets to!”
“Never even heard of Ugo McBaise sending gift baskets to anyone…” Byte quipped, curious.
“Exactly. It’s a passive-aggressive thing, clearly. They’re trying to tell us to play nice.” Fira cracked her knuckles, turning to him then. “You can admire soaps later. What’s the address on that card? Let’s go there and beat the hell out of Ugo. Send a message that we’re not friends, and his bones should be broken right now.”
“Hey, alright, I’m down,” Byte said, finding some amusement in the situation as he stood, slowly, opening up the card. “Besides… I know, different branches and all, but you know what happened to Zebra… All because he was backing Peres up in her fight against this company. Like, dammit, I was on that trip, too… Like half of us were, and people risked their lives and died trying to get that Ocean Soul caught alive in the first place, and then some guys from this company show up and then it’s all for nothing. Maybe I’ll feel better calling this a sort of revenge.”
The Black Hill Estate - Afternoon
Inch Nine paced around her room rubbing her temples. Ever since the fight she’d had with Byron Oxbow, everything in her life had gotten more complicated. She’d brought it up with Klein once, and the conflicted expression in his face had stuck with her. Pretty much any friends she had made with connections to the Industrial District reacted that way, to various extents. Inch was a cool headed person, but even though she struggled to show it, it affected her.
Thoughts rushed through her head on who was at fault for this… Cairo, Fira, Byron, that commander of his. Even with all of that a thought kept flowing through her head. Maybe herself, even. If she had only been able to talk Byron down, been more forthright about where she stood, it might have been avoided. She could have worked something out and her relationships would all be fine and so much hurt could have been avoided.
No. No, that was stupid, too.
It was that bastard, Ugo McBaise, and that horrible company he ran. He couldn’t help but keep pushing and pushing forward, turning a security company into a household bogeyman. Of course everyone would have been less on edge, never would have been at war in the first place, had it not been for that lot.
Yes, saying that, Inch felt at peace again, if only for a moment.
As that thought finished a small knock came at the door. Soon enough, she heard a voice she recognized well - that of her teammate, Cabernet Sauvignon, who came through the other side of the door. “Hey, we just got a letter and a gift basket from these VALKYRIE guys… Actually quite a nice fellow at the door, said it was specifically for us.”
“Hm.” Inch tilted her head. It had an… Assorted smell to it, and everything did look quite delicious. To test the mettle of this goodwill, she thought to grab something, take a bite…
She was glad that nobody could see the lower half of her face, the expression on it, at the random item within that she had taken, the soapy taste overwhelming her senses now. With a continued coolheadedness as Cab sat there surely unawares, she asked, “did he say what occasion this was for? I am to understand that this is not a company known for actions such as this, even if many of us have helped ODIN.”
“Said he had somewhere to be, then ran off before I could possibly entertain him,” Cab answered, “though I suspect perhaps that he was intimidated by my attempts to strike up a conversation about the exotic cheeses and scented candles which would best pair with the provided basket…” His face darkened a moment, then, as he added in a suspicious, perhaps self-importantly quiet tone, “and aside from that, probably whatever this is is suspicious as hell.”
“We are in agreement, then. No matter how polite they act towards us,” Inch said, her eyes narrowing at the deceptively tasty looking contents of the basket, towards the letter within, apparently from the head of the company urging them to come, “we can not abide by working with a man like that, or even being seen as his allies.”
“You know, I don’t know much about this Mcbaise guy, except by the reputation you all gave him, and this may be an old hobby of mine talking, but…” Cab gestured for the card, then, to glance, for himself, over the address. “If they’re going to roll out the red carpet for us, what do you say we head over there just to knock some heads?”
“I could not have thought of a better message myself. Perhaps you are not all culinary knowledge and trivia, Cabernet.”
Business District, Noon
As one would naturally do when receiving a “suspicious as hell” gift basket, Inch and Cab soon decided to investigate further, going to the address mentioned in the card the next day, driving Cab’s truck over there.
That was a mistake; the two of them must have spent almost an hour trying to find any available parking spot afterwards. The odds were stacked against them, but they eventually managed to find an overpriced spot fifteen minutes from their destination that they could stay in for a while, and went on their way.
Inch and Cab made their way through the hustle and bustle of the district, but after a couple minutes of walking, Inch spotted something out of the corner of her eye that gave her pause - a teal-haired woman walking angrily through the street, whom she’d fought for her life alongside not long ago. Fira.
Inch casually walked over, Cab following along behind her, and made her way to Fira, waving. “Hello there, Fira!” She said, actually sort of pleased to see her.
She didn’t expect to see a friendly-ish face here, so it was a welcome sight. Per usual Fira’s expression right now wasn’t one many people would call “friendly,” which is to say that she seemed even more pissed off than she usually did.
“Oh, Inch. You’re here. Hello.” Verbose as ever, Fira B.
“I am. What brings you here, Fira? You live and work quite far west of here, non?”
Before Fira said anything, Byte stepped in, taking over from there. “Those VALKYRIE assholes sent us some kind of gift package filled with soap and candy... wanted to win us over, I guess, make us do something for them, so we’re heading over to tell them to fuck off and beat that Ugo asshole up.”
“Oh! We received a similar package too... I had just thought of what candles I might buy while out here to combine with it all, offer the perfect ambiance for some aged Caciocavallo Podolico, but we agree - something’s suspicious about this…” Cab said, Inch nodding along.
Inch spoke up again then. “If all of us are heading towards the same place… I suppose it is best for us to all go together, non?”
“Guess so.” Fira, though not exactly overjoyed at the idea, seemed receptive enough to it, and neither Byte nor Cab objected either, so the four stand users went on their way. Each, though imagining different melodies, were totally all picturing the scene as being paired with some kickass background music or another.
Making their way towards the address, they noticed that there seemed to be less and less of the tall skyscrapers common to the district surrounding them, and more and more buildings directly associated with VALKYRIE - that made sense, given that this was their part of the district.
As they went along, Byte kept looking around, even more so than the rest of them, always looking and commenting on whatever came to mind for him - “hey, that building seems like a pain in the ass to work in,” “oh, that dude actually looks kind of strong, I bet he could take those other guys over there. Not me though, obviously,” and other inane comments. Soon enough, everyone else simply started tuning it out, paying them no real heed and going on along their way.
Eventually, they reached the address - a building, larger than most others in the area, marking the entrance to a VALKYRIE training ground. Getting near the building, Byte noticed something - a man in a VALKYRIE outfit, walking towards them. He seemed quite well built, enough so that Byte figured he might even have to use BRB to beat him were things to come to that. “Hey, that VALKYRIE guy over there seems like he wants something with us, no?”
No response. The man got closer.
Byte wondered to himself how he could get the attention of Fira or the other two without pissing them off. Eventually, he decided to give Cab a light slap on the shoulder to grab his attention - he didn’t seem particularly threatening, especially when compared to Fira or Inch.
Cab, who seemed to be lost in thought looking at the building, turned to Byte with a sour expression. “What do you want, and why would it necessitate hitting me?!”. He seemed angry, but Byte simply shrugged in response. “Well, you weren’t responding to what I said, and-”
“Uh… excuse me? You’re the ones we called over, right? Inch Nine, Cabernet Sauvignon, Fira B, and-”
“What do you want from us.” Before the man, who seemed to be surprisingly docile considering his build and appearance, could finish, Fira interrupted him, and he found himself angrily stared down by all four of the stand users. The man stammered for a bit, unsure of how to respond or what to say...
“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey… let’s all calm down, yeah?” The intense staredown was interrupted when a voice came from afar, one that was familiar to Fira.
“Hey, wait a sec…” She cocked an eyebrow in disbelief, grunting and adding as she turned, “no way… Is it seriously-”
A man clad in a dark suit colored like VALKYRIE’s armor, adorned with cute shapes had emerged now, clad professionally head-to-toe, dress shoes to black sunglasses, and lord, that hair.
Such long hair, vertical and striped.
Rushen Smith stood before the lot of them, strutting around like he’d owned the place or something. She’d beaten him once, but hadn’t been expecting to cross paths with him again.
“What do you want.”
“No need to be so hostile, yeah? We’re not calling you here to start trouble or nothing, so-”
“We’re?” Fira interrupted him. “You’re with VALKYRIE?” Well, if he was with VALKYRIE, at least Fira knew very well that she could still beat the shit out of him, given that she already had a good track record against him. Then, she’d move on to Ugo.
“So you’re like a… Miniboss, now.” Byte interjected, disappointed, yet ready to fight nonetheless.
“If I may finish.” Rushen sounded impatient
“To make a long story short… Ugo’s out. CEO fired him for everything he’s done. You’re not talkin’ to some crony to an NFL reject. You’re looking at the new head of VALKYRIE. For security and PR reasons, Allday has been been keepin’ quiet about it for now, preparing for just the right moment to tell the public, make sure I get revealed to the public with a good positive splash, but it is what it is. So… ready to talk now? Because I’m thinkin’ we can use your help, and we can definitely make it worth your while.”
Deeper within the premises - An Open-air training facility
Everyone had been disarmed by their confusion, and by Rushen’s goodwill, and by the thought that, just like that, one of the most threatening people in the city could just be fired like it was nothing, which made for Rushen a convenient situation. They were in line, following his lead, and as he did so, he brought them to a state-of-the-art training facility, one wherein dozens upon dozens of security officers in armor were walking around, shooting the shit, running, chatting by vending machines stocked with overpriced health food and sports drinks, and almost always giving Rushen a respectful nod and salute as he passed by, always meeting it with a cool, “at ease.”
“I still do not understand why we are here…” Inch, after some time being led around, spoke up. “I assume you sent those gift baskets to us, but even then, beyond wishing us here quickly, you did not say what you expect of us. Or even sign your name, beyond ‘the boss of VALKYRIE.’”
“Yes, like I said, my step into the private sector ain’t public knowledge yet… Trying to keep a lot under lock, ‘cuz I’ve inherited a backlog of things to take care of. Need-to-know basis… You know how it is.”
Fira nodded, saying bluntly, “so you’re planning something big. Want us to have a part. What? And why? Better not be wasting our time…”
“All Ugo ever taught people far as tactics went was a bullheaded, aggressive push forward… Rush, and rush, and rush, and just overwhelm opponents before they can think their way out.” Rushen explained. “It hasn’t been working, it got a lotta people on all sides or no sides hurt and killed who didn’t need to be, and while he used to have a man for handling stuff that took a brain, long story short… He’s no longer with us either. We’re trying to work on a way to save the people of this city from what’s up ahead, and no point in doing that if there’s no one to save, yeah? VALKYRIE needs to be better… We need to reorient, pick and choose better battles, get better at fighting them. No more bullcrap about raiding bars or stealing cows, yeah?”
“So you want us to… Help you retrain this security company?” Byte asked. “Why us?”
“The four of you felt right for it,” Rushen answered, looking each of them over in turn, “Byte, I know the part you played in that shipyard incident, and while I still ain’t pleased at what you were working for then, and it really messed Jesse up in a bad way, that’s all over now. The Ocean Soul business is done and in the past, and you’re real good at what you do.”
He was quiet, then.
“Fira,” he continued, “you’re another career criminal in this city, and you and I both know it, but we need someone who can think like that, someone with fight in her, for what I’m trying to get these guys ready for. Now ain’t the time to get picky… Long as you keep minding your business.”
“I try. Some people make it so hard.” Fira snorted, folding her arms.
“Inch, you used to be seen with Cairo a whole bunch, until right around when a certain incident happened… You know what I mean, don’t you?” She and Fira sneered, and Rushen raised a hand. “I’m not here to criticize, mind. I like your style, and that cool gator power thing you got going for you, hear you’ve got some real good learning techniques, and most important of all, I hear the two of you managed to survive bein’ in the dead center of Byron Oxbow at his angriest in thirty years.”
“You are… Praising me. It is appreciated, thank you.”
“And Cab,” Rushen continued, “you are the whitest man I have ever met, and I’ve got family in the same neck of New York as Douglas Jones. But hey, you’re a friend of Jesse’s, and these guys around here, they remember you at the battle on Capital Island, hurt and just popped outta this magic bottle, and still fighting with ‘em and helping people escape. You’re good people, and you got a particular edge to you I need too.”
“I saw I think a better side of VALKYRIE than most, by good circumstance,” Cab started, flattered by the mixed praise, ultimately happy to recognize it as stroking his ego, and a part of him warmed up for what was being praised turning out to be something besides the hobbies with which he’d filled the void. “Though I was just as willing to knock these guys’ heads in as everyone else here, you know… I certainly don’t mind this turnaround, though. And I think I’m starting to guess who it is you want to fight here, why you want a group like this in on it… Might you be planning to stake out the-”
“Not a word. Can’t let this get leaked.”
“Of course, of course,” Cab answered, quite confident in his mental answer nonetheless. “You mentioned this being worth our while… Can I ask what you mean by that?”
“The CEO’s gonna be watching this training sesh too, if you didn’t already guess… We’ll make sure all four of you are rewarded handsomely for this, of course, but if you really go above-and-beyond, she’s said she’ll throw even more bonus on top of all the dough. I recommend you shoot for that.”
“So we need to help train your guys better than these two, huh?” Fira answered, jerking her thumb at Inch and Cab.
“I mean, it probably is better for you to work with the person ya know primarily, but it’s not really a comp-”
“We are gonna blow whatever you guys are doing out of the water,” Byte interrupted, looking towards the Estate residents with a fiery look in his own eye. “We’ll show you the kind of training you can normally only see for a total premium at Dukes!”
“Yes, let’s one-up each other,” Cab agreed with an amused smirk, well aware that this competitive streak was unnecessary, but beginning to feel a certain fire in him, “what do you say, Inch? You up for the task of whipping these guys into crimebusting shape?”
“I suppose I am.” Inch herself was beginning to feel the air of competition, feel her blood pumping, “no hard feelings to either of you, if you are not selected for this… But we are simply going to do a phenomenal job.”
Rushen sighed, shaking his head. “Least you ain’t trying to kill each other… Alright! I’ll roll with it.” He clapped his hands, perking up quite a bit. “Both of y’all are in charge of sixteen recruits who need retraining fast, and we’re gonna compare what you did at the end. Just don’t kill ‘em or nothing, or do nothing stupid, and for four hours, soon as you got a plan together, what you say goes. Got it? Good.”
Man, now I’m feelin’ the competitive spirit a bit… Really is contagious, huh? Probably gonna make ‘em do a better job… Ah, hell, now I’m feelin’ a certain urge. I’m gonna say it. I’m gonna!
“Open the game.”
(credit to magistelles for the awesome art!)
Location: A VALKYRIE training facility in the middle of the business district.
The area consists of track fields, indoor gymnasiums, shooting ranges, training equipment storage, training towers and practical training buildings as well as other training sites. There is also general equipment storage and a small infirmary on site.
Essentially any sort of equipment or facilities you’d expect to find in a military style boot camp can be found here. Things like body armor and helmets, large tires, guns (both handguns and rifles), training dummies, etc. If you aren’t sure if something can be found here, just ask the judges.
There is also a large amount of spare wood used for building obstacle courses.
Goal: Train your group of recruits better than your opponents in a 4 hour training session!
Additional Information:
You can assume there is minimal downtime from getting area to area within the full facility.
Each team has a group of 16 VALKYRIE recruits to be trained. Each of them has 333 physicals and a 2 in gun handling and a 2 in hand to hand combat. While your session is a full 4 hours, you may still need to consider the stamina of the recruits and schedule breaks for them accordingly. They are in full uniform, with helmets, combat boots, and body armor as well as a pistol and baton each. They also have equipment that lets them see stands. They each have spare uniforms and can be refitted with training equipment from the equipment storage as needed. They also have assault rifles and walkie talkies in the equipment storage.
For the purposes of training they will generally agree to whatever you put them through short of anything that has significant risk of resulting in actual harm.
Teams are allowed to use/take anything from the facilities for the purposes of training.
In terms of Voting and Quality we are looking for a few different things:

Having effective training: This can mostly be boiled down to how well their training either strengthenings their bodies or helps them learn muscle memories or techniques that improve fighting.
Using your time effectively: Similar to having effective training, minimizing wasted time that could have been otherwise useful is also important.
Having your recruits last for as much of the training as possible: Having guys needing to be sent to the infirmary for injuries or overworking them before the 4 hours is up will affect your score negatively. While accidents can happen through say sparring or other mishaps, you should try to minimize any lasting damages to the recruits.
Having varied and well rounded training: Having them build skills in multiple areas, full body exercise over focusing on one or two muscle groups, and preparing them for a variety of scenarios.
Discipline: While your recruits will be following your orders for training, being able to command their attention and respect can go a long way on making an impression and bolster training effectiveness. On the flip side, doing things that make the recruits not take you or training seriously can defeat the purpose of training.

In terms of training, you can also consider anything security personnel should be trained in, not just strictly combat. That can include rescuing, defending people, perceptiveness, team coordination, etc.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
The Graveyard Shift	Fira B.	“This pain-in-the-ass pillar is a reflection on that woman's personality...” You know, if you are going to be training these people, might as well make this fun for yourself. Personalize your training regiment as much as you can to make it unique with your abilities!
The Graveyard Shift	Byte	“Climb to the top of the pillar with just your hands. That's the only exit. If you can't climb out, you'll stay there until you die.” Anybody could just sit back and train people, that’s why you can’t bring yourself to do that. Be active and hands-on in your training!
Black Hill Estate	Inch Nine	“Climbing with something other than the ripple is not appreciated by the pillar... This "Hell Climb Pillar" only likes the ripple and knocks down everything else... Don't forget that.” No point in relaxing while they do all the training, might as well brush up on your own skills. Be active and hands-on in your training!
Black Hill Estate	Cabernet “Cab” Sauvignon	“It's the fault of the person who built that trap... whoever built this was really fucked up! Making me fall for that” While you could have them do just normal training, that is defeating both the point of the exercise and would be a complete waste of everybody’s time. Personalize your training regiment as much as you can to make it unique with your abilities!

Link to the Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to Match Schedule
As always, if you would like to interact with the tournament community and be among the first to get updates for the tournament, please feel free to PM a member of our Judge staff for an invite to our Official Discord Server!

My POS husband (update, long)

Stellar Poker chips (I also make the old rocketship logo one)

What’s your totem?

My Nerf Game Plan (looking for suggestions/opinions)

Hey all,
My fiance and I recent got *really* into Nerf (and off-brand "Nerf"). Around a year ago, we were playing with our nephews (4 and 5 y.o.) who have a bunch of blasters, and when my brother-in-law told me that they have basically standardized the dart size for most blasters, it piqued my interest. Also, I thought the bolt action on the Adventure Force Alpha Rogue was really cool, and given that they were super cheap, I went out and bought two of them for my fiance and I to play with.
Fast-forward to this Christmas when my fiance got us the Disruptor twin pack. I was so impressed with them that I decided to see what Nerf reviewers on YouTube would think. That very quickly exposed me to a variety of blasters that I was interested in. Now, through a combination of driving (sometimes up to an hour away) around to stores and sellers found on craigslist/Facebook Marketplace, we have amassed over 50 blasters that shoot darts, mega darts, discs, and rounds. I love them all. The only thing I've been avoiding is battery-operated blasters (I'll explain if anyone cares to know why).
We reached a point fairly early on where I decided I had to *do* something with these things aside from buying them exclusively to play in our relatively small living space. So, I came up with a some rules (many, I'm sure, are widely used already) and plans to host Nerf games once this whole pandemic thing is well-enough under control that it would be safe to do so.
Who Will Be Playing
I created a private FB group and invited our personal friends and family, and I'll encourage them to invite people provided we don't exceed our capacity (TBD, but I have a rough idea).
Where We Will Play
This is probably the trickiest part. The two local rec centres will not be available; one does not do private rentals, and the other requires cost-prohibitive insurance coverage. However, there are a number of "halls" that are possibilities. I spoke to the person who does booking for one of these places, and she thought it sounded like a great idea, and probably workable at her location. I also just learned that schools will rent out their gymnasiums, but I'm not sure what limitations or requirements there might be. I happen to work at an elementary school, so I might be able to work something out if I talk to to principal. This thing won't be happening for a while, so I'm not too concerned about nailing this down now. I'm just happy to know that there are local options. I do not want to play outdoors, mostly because I'd like to be able to collect as much ammo as possible, and also not have to worry about weather.
What Rules We Will Play With
This is where it gets a little weird. I have a few different ideas, but I'm most interested in one: Pooled Health games. I've been fortunate enough to run a few games like this with the kids at the after-school daycare program I work at, and it's been a blast, even though we're limited to using the small gym. It works like this: Each team must stay on their side of the gym (like dodgeball, but I split the gym longways due to the blasters being relatively weak (the one's I bring to daycare). At the back wall of each side is a pile of poker chips (red team and blue team). When you get tagged, you put a hand up (so nobody shoots you), get a poker chip, bring it to the designated "out" area, then tap on your back wall to re-enter the game. This prevents players from ever having to sit out, which is great for kids because they can be impatient. I'll probably also do "elimination" games where each player keeps a number of poker chips in their pocket, and is "out" when they loose their last one. When I'm able to have my bigger games, I'd like to have either mats or even large cardboard sheets (folded) for cover.
Which Blasters We Will Use
I admit that I'm almost definitely setting my expectations too high for the level of complexity people will tolerate when it comes to game prep, and I'll come up with some simpler rule set at least for the first few times that we play. Still, I can't help but to over-think this and try to find a way to make almost every kind of blaster fit in somehow. Basically, I'd like to use a "shop" system where I'll decide upon a limit for how many "points" can be spent on blasters and ammo. My system is far from perfect, but I want it to be something that can be applied with relative ease to any blaster. A blaster's "cost" is determined by its ammo type, it's "ready to fire" capacity, and its storage capacity. A basic Elite-sized dart is worth one point, mega darts are worth two (getting hit with one counts as two points of damage), discs count as half a point (because they are slow... but I love them), and rounds count as 1.5 (because of their speed), and missiles are five (five points of damage, plus I have a rule with them regarding taking down cover). Any "storage" ammo is calculated by dividing the total point value in half-- a recent modification that I was avoiding, but felt compelled to deal with once we got the Heracles (5 ready, 10 storage) as it would have had the same value as the Roundhouse (15 ready) which doesn't make any sense. Additional ammo can be "purchased" for the storage value. I need to consider that it's unlikely that most other players will be as reckless in their spending on a vast Nerf arsenal as I have been, so they may need to make up points by having an excess of ammo. Also, I'd like to use a variety of blasters, so I don't want to make games strictly "dart", "rival", or "disc", although I do have enough blasters to share with quite a few people. Side note: All of these considerations have been for springers only. I want to allow players to use flywheelers if they want, but I'll need to come up with a way to balance them so that they aren't the only viable blasters.
When I first came up with this system and started using it with my fiance at home, our highest capacity blaster was the X-Shot Crusher (maybe my favourite blaster) which has a 35 dart chain. So, I was setting our max point limit at 40, allowing Crusher users to have a side-arm as the chain is a little cumbersome to reload. Then, about a week ago, we scored a fully-loaded Rival Hades for $50 (CAD), which, according to my system, has a point value of 90-- way above any maximum we've been using. Rather than increasing the maximum, I decided that you can go over the max under two conditions: 1) You only use one blaster, and 2) You take a 1HP penalty for going over, then an addition 1HP penalty for every 10 points that you go over. We've done a few of our living room games like this, and it has felt reasonably fair.
To mirror our living room games, I'm envisioning that each team will have a boxed off (with cardboard walls or mats) corner where spare blasters will be kept. These will be blasters that are part of each player's current "loadout", so players can go back there to swap out as they want or to take ammo from their stockpile. The only limitation is that only one player can go back there at once.
If all of this sounds ridiculous, that's fine. For what it's worth though, I've been slowly patching together an app that will streamline the "shopping" process. My fiance and I have just been using a white board to do the math by hand, referring to a spreadsheet I made on my phone, and it doesn't take too long. Realistically, I'll probably end up telling players to bring whatever they want (stock only), and then I'll divide the teams to make things a fair as possible. It's just fun to come up with this stuff. What do you think? Totally nuts? Any suggestions for tweaking my system? I feel like I'm going a little nuts with this Nerf craze while having very few outlets to get that energy out-- daycare with the kids and 1-on-1 living room games with the fiance is pretty much it. I'm interested to hear the thoughts of anyone who bothered to read through any of this wall of a post. Thanks for your time, folks!

When you learn a random ability, you become very skilled relating to that activity:

After 2 years, I've finally launched Deadly Desserts! You guys have been an awesome help and I'd love to give back to this community. I tested with over 150 people before launching. Here is a post detailing my process prototyping, testing, and iterating the game.

Deadly Desserts game
Hey everyone, several days ago I posted asking whether people would find value in my detailed process developing and testing Deadly Desserts and it seems like there’s some appetite. I’ve found this community incredibly valuable and would like to give back by hopefully helping some of you.
I’ll be focusing on game design as that’s this subreddit’s focus. Just one point on publishing as it relates to design: if you plan on launching on the website that rhymes with TrickFarter (trying to get past auto-mod), your game design should ideally be expandable so that you can offer meaningful campaign exclusives.

Background
Around 2 years ago, some friends introduced me to Hearts, a classic card game. It seemed pretty basic during my first playthroughs. After playing more and adding my own rules, I loved how strategic this simple game was. Surprisingly, Hearts had been around 100+ years, yet very few people I knew had played it. I wanted to play Hearts with more people, but they kept losing interest. The problems I ran into were people being turned off by playing cards and the new player experience being unwelcoming. I wanted to fix these problems so that I could play this game more. Here are some of the biggest problems and how I solved them:

Turned off by playing cards - solved with food-themed cards and game
Memorizing card point values - solved by printing points on cards and having table on player aides
Adding points on paper and not knowing how many someone else has - solved with food-themed health tokens
Limited to 3-4 players - solved:
- 2 players - created new mechanic of playing 2 cards each, 1 at a time
- 5 players - used 60-card decks to normalize hand size and game pacing
- 6-10 players - added a 2nd deck and cancellation rules
Additional cards to double effects, scoring changes, and other changes related more to strategy and game pacing

Feedback loop
When I first started, I approached game development as a linear process. I realize now that it’s a continuous loop. The three steps I continuously cycled through are:

Testing - playing with people and measuring success of changes
Synthesizing - analyzing testing feedback and deciding changes for next iteration
Iterating - implementing changes based on feedback

Testing
I tested with 150+ people before launching Deadly Desserts. Although the entire game development process is a continuous loop, I took a fairly linear approach as to who I tested with. I’d loosely recommend you use the following playtester order. I didn’t strictly follow this recipe because sometimes the opportunity presented itself to test with certain people.
Myself
I’d say 50% of implemented feedback came from self-testing. I genuinely had a blast with it, too. Here are the main reasons I recommend starting with self-testing:

Fastest feedback cycle and iterations
Catch low-hanging fruit changes before using valuable testing time
The game needs to be fun for me before it’s fun for anyone else

As an example, I tested a 5-player game myself. I used a typical 52-card deck, removed 2 cards, and dealt 10 cards to each player. I felt annoyed when a player started with no cards of a certain suit (e.g. no hearts in starting hand). I also didn’t like the pacing, as I was used to 13-card hands. I did math and found that 12 card hands (60-card deck) decreased the probability of no cards of a certain suit from 16% to 8%. This was a problem I didn’t have to spend valuable playtests to figure it out.
Another example, I wanted to figure out how to play with 6+ people and found this bgg thread. It adds a 2nd deck and a new rule in which copies cancel one another out. I tested it and was simmering with how fun the cancellation mechanic was. It created a new strategy where I could lead a hand with an undesirable card, hoping the other person with said card would play theirs and cancel both of ours out. I tested out different hand sizes myself, so I could focus playtests on more impactful gameplay attributes.
The best part of self-testing is you’ll always be available during a pandemic!

Board game developers
I started testing at board game dev meetups after fixing what I could through self-testing. I recommend testing with board game devs 2nd because:

Board game devs exposed to many mechanics and will have great feedback
Useful and fun learning opportunity from people who have launched board games
Learn how to give and receive valuable feedback before testing with others

My first tests didn’t yield much feedback and I couldn’t figure out why. When testing another dev’s game, I noticed he received much more feedback than I do. Whenever I or the testers (other game devs) gave feedback, the game dev simply wrote it down. I wondered why he didn’t respond to any of our comments and finally realized that feedback isn’t meant to yield rebuttals. During my own playtests, I kept on responding to feedback, trying to explain things. Other people saw this and likely were dissuaded from contributing. I learned that feedback is feedback - don’t refute or comment on it, just write it down and ask for clarification if necessary.
I remember during a particular playtest, me and other testers glazed a game dev with a wide variety of feedback. He felt overwhelmed and wasn’t sure how to proceed. A tester asked what he changed from the previous iteration. The game dev said that in his previous iteration, all players met their win conditions at similar time-frames, despite all of the decisions made to get there. Essentially, he didn’t want the game to be as luck-based. Providing valuable feedback was much easier when focusing on a particular goal. Here’s what I learned:

The best way to learn how to receive valuable feedback is to learn how to give valuable feedback
Define goals for playtests, primarily how well the new iteration’s changes produce the intended outcome
Testers won’t know what I’m testing for unless I tell them

I tried to test others’ games before asking them to test mine. I also noticed that people tried much harder to provide valuable feedback to me after I had to them. It’s in your best interest, and is more life-fulfilling, to help others before asking for help.
The meetup I used to go to is currently frozen, but hopefully there are virtual meetups out there. You can also try a gaming simulator. This subreddit is also a great place to find other board game devs!

Friends and family
Here’s why I recommend testing with friends and family 3rd:

Start testing game’s entertainment value with a broader audience (game devs are more hardcore)
Loved ones are much more collaborative than strangers
Fine tune game before testing with strangers

I conducted my first blind test with family, where I asked them to read the instructions themselves and play while I quietly observed. I noticed their feedback was more focused on making the game fun, whereas game devs' focused on competitiveness.
Once when visiting my parents, my mom wanted to play Deadly Desserts and I told her that I hadn’t figured out 2-player rules. Since she’s the best mom ever, she spent several hours with me experimenting with different ideas, until we came up with the 2-player variant that’s in the current game. Thanks mom!

Strangers
This was the most important test group because these are the people I would eventually want to buy my game. They didn’t know me and didn’t have sympathy from being a fellow game dev. They had no reason to care about my feelings and consequently gave critically honest feedback.
One of my biggest challenges throughout this project was finding playtesters. I didn’t want to pay and didn’t have a big following. Here were my main sources for testing with strangers:

Sat outside high-traffic areas (e.g. Peet’s Coffee) and offered free cupcakes or cookies to playtest
Board game cafes
Other board game devs’ game nights

Other game devs said they tested with dozens a day at board game conventions. I didn’t try it because I thought Deadly Desserts would be too light for a convention, but in hindsight it’s worth a try before writing off. Either way, your game is hopefully light enough to do what I did outside of coffee shops, or heavy enough to test at board game conventions. Both of which are sadly not too feasible during a pandemic.

Synthesizing
My general approach to synthesizing feedback was:

Filter feedback for which problems need to be solved
Solve problems
Self-test before iterating game

I found it imperative define my game’s value proposition. One of my biggest challenges was figuring out how to sift through feedback. I pushed the game in many different directions by addressing every comment. Without a value proposition, I had no structure to decide which changes to implement and how to measure success of said changes.
Board games differ from other businesses in that they provide entertainment, rather than solve problems. Consequently, it’s not as obvious as to how to measure progress for a board game.

Let’s say we’re trying to solve the problem of water bottles not keeping water cold
Our value proposition, the reason why people would buy our bottle, is fluid staying cold
This can easily be measured by comparing water temperature in our bottle vs Bottle X after a certain time period
Let’s say a customer thinks the bottle isn’t stylish and we find a stylish material that reduces insulation by 25%
Since we have a clearly defined value proposition, it’s obvious that this feedback would diminish it’s intended value

One of the most common pieces of feedback I received was people wanting more complexity. I spent a lot of time going back and forth between complicating and simplifying the game. After enough noodling around, I remembered that I originally sought out to be able to play my version of Hearts with more people. After defining my value proposition, I stopped bouncing around and was able to push the game in a certain direction.

Iterating
Team
In the past, I had launched a product that I had paid a contractor to develop. I had many issues with deadlines and quality because the contractor wasn’t tied to the product how I was. It also wasn’t as fun because the relationship felt too professional. For Deadly Desserts, I wanted teammates instead of contractors. I recruited a designer and animator as equity partners. Working with teammates is boat loads more fun than working with a contractor.
Implementing
I spent a ton of time theorizing how much fun certain changes may or may not be. I made progress faster by iterating and testing quickly, rather than spending too much time planning.
Prototyping
I tried not to spend capital unless I needed to, both financially and temporally. My first prototype was index cards and poker chips. Once the card designs were more finalized, I used Print & Play to create more legit-looking prototypes. Get creative and spend only on what you need. In my case, card design was a huge value proposition, so I wanted to test it. Over time, I also improved at not asking my teammates to create something until I had it finalized in my head and self-tested.

End
Thanks for reading and hope this helps someone. At the end of the day, don’t forget that you’re creating something that brings fun to peoples’ lives. Have fun yourself and enjoy the process. Here’s Deadly Desserts if you’re interested in checking it out. Feel free to ask me anything. I’m also happy to test a few games for people.
tl;dr: define a value proposition, test, synthesize, iterate, nice

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United’s hopeless pursuit of Jadon Sancho – the real story (theathletic.com)

Hi Folks,
Throwaway account here providing the full Article: https://theathletic.com/2115449/2020/10/06/manchester-united-jadon-sancho-transfer-window/ since it's behind a paywall.

United’s hopeless pursuit of Jadon Sancho – the real story
^{Laurie Whitwell, David Ornstein and more} (Other contributor: Raphael Honigstein)
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer identified Jadon Sancho as his principal target this summer in what was seen as a vital opportunity for squad enhancement following Champions League qualification.
But after 10 weeks of opportunity for talks, Sancho remains a Borussia Dortmund player and the simple truth is that United never got close.
The Athletic has been told that Solskjaer urged Ed Woodward to keep trying, and financial concerns meant other signings were pushed to the periphery until the final 48 hours of the window.
Donny van de Beek arrived on September 2 but sources say United waited to pull the trigger on other purchases until it became clear Sancho was not arriving.
So for the third window in a row, United were active on deadline day, completing the signings of Edinson Cavani, Alex Telles, Amad Diallo and Facundo Pellistri. In January, it was Odion Ighalo, hot on the heels of Bruno Fernandes. Last summer, the club were trying to sign Mario Mandzukic or Paulo Dybala.
The cause for this year’s unedifying sense of late freneticism appears to centre on the priority given to the Sancho move and, fundamentally, a misunderstanding by United of Dortmund’s intentions.
Essentially, United did not believe Dortmund would stay firm on the price-tag of €120 million or their deadline of August 10, embarking on a long-running game of poker without realising that the Bundesliga club weren’t even at the table. United effectively sat still in the hope Dortmund would blink first and place the call they were ready to do business. Intermediaries attempted to broker a deal but were waiting on United to move, which did not happen.
Some sources felt Woodward was holding until the last moment to place an all-in bet, giving the impression of resistance in the ambition of driving the price down. But instead, United kept their chips and stayed true to their valuation. By never ruling themselves out of the deal though, United’s actions seriously annoyed Dortmund’s executives, who became even more entrenched in their position as the weeks went on.
When Dortmund sporting director Michael Zorc stood at the side of their training pitches on August 10, the first day of pre-season, and said the decision on Sancho staying was “final”, one alarmed United director made a call to check whether the statement was genuine. The response was along the lines of, “What did you expect? You knew the terms.”
Hans-Joachim Watzke, Dortmund’s chief executive, is said to have personally phoned United at the start of the summer and explained very clearly how much the deal would cost and when it needed to be done by.
United privately argue that the continued conversations after that point, conducted via intermediaries Emeka Obasi and Marco Lichtsteiner, were evidence of Dortmund remaining open to a sale. But the reason for the involvement of agents is hotly disputed.
United insist Dortmund wanted talks done through Obasi and Lichtsteiner, and some believe this was so Dortmund could stick to their public stance while having a backchannel to a potential resolution. United held lengthy discussions and made known what they were willing to pay, which held a firm limit given the current economic environment.
Sources say Dortmund reject that idea and deny they ever appointed agents. Previous deals with Arsenal and Barcelona for Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Ousmane Dembele respectively were based on face-to-face meetings with club counterparts.
On this occasion, they believed that they had provided the fee to United and since Woodward failed to match it by August 10, there was no need for further direct discussion.
United felt there was tacit encouragement to keep lines of communication going but the only way they could have got the deal on after that date was with a “crazy” offer along the lines of Neymar’s £200 million transfer to Paris Saint-Germain. Sources told The Athletic that if United had come in with an offer of €140-£150 million then Dortmund might have done business. Conscious of their reputation having set their position out so publicly, Dortmund would have been able to sell that as a turnaround made in extraordinary circumstances.
United argued that the €120 million price tag did not take into account the financial hit caused by the pandemic. Executives genuinely felt it should come down, given the full total of the transfer was potentially enormous. The Athletic has been told initial calculations rose to €250 million including wages and agent fees. United made what has been described as a “calm decision” to refuse that amount and felt vindicated when the government postponed the return of fans to stadiums costing the club another £50 million in lost revenue.
But it is understood that Dortmund originally planned for the €120 million as a “minimum” — and ideally wanted nearer the €147 million fee that Barcelona paid for Dembele — so it was an adjustment to even consider a bid that could reach that figure in installments.
In any case, United never got near to that guaranteed sum. One offer, submitted by chief negotiator Matt Judge through the agents in the final week of September, amounted to £80 million, plus add-ons. Once passed to Watzke, it was immediately rejected as too little too late. There was a sense at the Westfalenstadion that United did not take Dortmund’s demands seriously or were acting without full intentions to actually complete the signing.
All proposals were said to have been relayed to Dortmund via the agents knowing full well they would be turned down.
Sancho himself is believed to have felt undervalued by the offers and even if United had placed the right bid late on, it is understood he would have questioned why it did not come earlier.
Sancho was never going to agitate for a move unless United came close to Dortmund’s demands. Illness kept him out of the squad for Saturday’s 4-0 win over Freiburg but Sancho then attended a house party in London with Tammy Abraham and Ben Chilwell, in breach of lockdown rules, and will join up late with England as a result. He has since apologised.
The forward was prepared to join United but not “desperate” to move this summer. He was relaxed either way. That was the sense drawn by England team-mates at the September camp.
That being said, others close to United were under the impression he “would walk to Old Trafford”. Sancho texted Marcus Rashford about United, and the pair were said to be excited at the prospect of linking up. Sancho has many friends in Manchester from his time at Manchester City.
Other United players were in touch too and so was Solskjaer, who as long ago as January wanted to ascertain Sancho’s willingness to join and to get a personal sense of his character. Having privately acknowledged the possibility of a sale, Dortmund were aware of the conversations, which are standard for most transfers.
There had actually been dialogue with Sancho’s representatives dating back to when he left Manchester City for Dortmund in 2017, but talks commenced in earnest this year once United had secured Champions League football on July 26.
United’s exit from the Europa League was disappointing, but some close to the club felt it would at least reinforce the impetus for signings — a reminder to the Glazer family that funding was required to take the next step. “But extending the window to October 5 is probably the worst thing for Solskjaer,” said a source. “I can see United taking talks to the wire again.”
There were some raised eyebrows at United over reports of Sancho’s lateness to training and fines for breaching lockdown regulations in Germany. But United viewed the indiscretions as attributable to a desire to move on from Dortmund. “We’ll make Carrington a place where he wants to come to work every day,” one member of staff told a colleague.
Solskjaer had determined Sancho would be his main target, with one source saying in April: “We are ready to go, we know who we want, the people at the top are now certain.”
But that conviction was not found in the pursuit, with Dortmund soon frustrated at United’s reluctance to commit to a fee or structure. There were allegations of “freestyling”, a refusal to provide a top line, and when pushed for answers, Judge suggested the issue lay with “the owners”. Agents proposing other players were told of a £50 million net spend budget. Executives feel they have a responsibility to protect the long-term strength of the club by not over-paying.
The Athletic has previously reported how Joel Glazer, in daily contact with Woodward, is involved in all major signings and paid particularly close attention to the Sancho deal. There were accusations of a split in opinion between the pair over the price to be sanctioned, with Woodward advocating a higher fee, but United insist board members were united on their view that €120 million was too much in the post-COVID-19 climate. Recruitment staff were told about a significant budget being allocated to Sancho but later the internal line back from Woodward was that the deal was “too much money”.
Privately United suggested the €120 million figure could be reached including some unrealistic bonuses, which may have allowed Dortmund to save face with a headline figure. Dortmund were resolute in their stance though and believed a higher price could be achieved next summer. The cause for their confidence was revealed when Zorc announced a previously unknown extension to Sancho’s contract, meaning it did not run out until 2023.
United insist they knew all those details and were for a long time frustrated by what they perceived to be the slow process of dealing with Dortmund through Obasi, Sancho’s agent, and Lichtsteiner, the brother of former Arsenal player Stephan. The two intermediaries are described as “very close”. Lichtsteiner previously assisted on the departures of Aubameyang and Dembele to Arsenal and Barcelona respectively, and has vast experience of difficult transfers. He is said to be well-regarded and very discreet with information.
United have in the past worked on deals through agents, and last summer placed an offer for the Newcastle United midfielder Sean Longstaff in this manner. Sources at Newcastle suspected this was so United had deniability if unsuccessful.
On other occasions, the technique has worked well. Woodward conducted the purchase of Juan Mata from Chelsea without one word to his counterparts at Stamford Bridge to block any chance of Wayne Rooney being brought into the conversation. Chelsea wanted to buy Rooney that window.
Before any fee could be finalised this time, there were difficulties over wages and agent fees.
It has been suggested to The Athletic that the opening contract offer to Sancho was actually slightly lower than his Dortmund salary. As is customary in Germany, Sancho’s contract was heavily incentivised and contained bonus payments for each point Dortmund achieved.
Conscious of maintaining a certain wage structure, United’s initial proposal was less than Sancho’s total pay packet at Dortmund. Van de Beek joined on £110,000 a week, for instance, and his representatives were told that was in line with a refined structure given Fernandes signed for £150,000 a week.
A second offer to Sancho, in early August, is said to have achieved parity with his Dortmund deal, with the potential for a fractional increase based on performance. This was not accepted. Sancho’s representatives, who carefully organised a move away from City in 2017, were clear in their view of Sancho’s worth and expected to be recompensed as such.
Though not asking for money equitable to David De Gea, who signed a deal worth more than £375,000 a week within the final 12 months of becoming a free agent, the terms desired were thought to be in the region of Paul Pogba’s £250,000 a week.
There were reports that wages had been sorted in the first week of August but this was not the case. United believed leaks to that end emanating from Germany were an attempt to “put pressure” on the process.
Still, there was positivity about a solution. Sources say the Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp was keeping himself abreast of Sancho’s situation and around this stage told friends he believed the player would end up at Old Trafford.
There was eventually a breakthrough on Sancho’s salary in the second week of September.
Running parallel were negotiations over agent fees. Some have suggested an initial proposal for a payment to the agents put United on the back foot. After negotiations, a lower sum was agreed. But that still left the transfer fee and, as the gap remained, other options were considered. A prospective loan deal for Gareth Bale was set up but the Wales international declined to wait as a reserve for Sancho. He had the emotional pull of Tottenham Hotspur in any case.
Watford’s Ismaila Sarr, previously not regarded as a genuine option, came into the reckoning in the final fortnight of the window when United explored a loan move. With Watford in the Championship, Sarr has until the domestic deadline of October 16 to join a Premier League club.
Talks also commenced over Dembele. An original inquiry for the Barcelona forward was made in July but at that stage, Dembele was not interested. Sources say Liverpool also made a check back then.
But while Liverpool instead signed Diogo Jota on September 19, it was United returning in the dying embers of the market to investigate whether Dembele might join on loan. It was a late move. A source close to the Barcelona dressing room said at the time: “He intended to stay at Barcelona. In pre-season, his attitude was really different and the players were super happy to see how he was training and how involved in the routine. Therefore, everything has to have changed a lot for him to have decided to go to United.”
In the end, United only wanted a loan. Barcelona demanded a sale, so the situation looked unlikely to develop until a late change of stance by the La Liga club on Monday evening. Barcelona indicated they would agree to a loan but only if Dembele extended his contract at the Nou Camp, and the deal was off.
Industry insiders reported numerous other inquiries and proposals put to the club by representatives, such as Real Madrid’s Luka Jovic, Inter Milan’s Ivan Perisic and Juventus’ Douglas Costa. There was exasperation among some at Carrington that United were leaving business so late again and having to work down their list to second and third options. “Looks like a panic buy,” was the assessment by one source close to the dressing room of the Cavani signing.
United did ask Bayer Leverkusen for Kai Havertz in January but were put off by the €100 million fee and never made a follow-up call this summer, clearing the path to Chelsea.
Meanwhile, the Sancho failure represents the third time Dortmund have got their way over United this year, after the signings of Erling Haaland and Jude Bellingham — two episodes that have caused lingering frustration.
Some agents who have worked with United on other deals believe the club should have halted talks on Sancho much earlier if €120 million was seen as too much and pursued alternatives. There are accusations the delay speaks to a fundamental issue in recruitment, which sources call a paralysis of decision-making. But given how much Solskjaer wanted Sancho, United wanted to try for their No 1 target for as long as possible.
United accept they have missed out on a top player but insist they have not over-extended their finances. The signings of Diallo and Pellistri, both 18-year-old wingers, are regarded as viable options for the first-team once bedded into England through the under-21s side. Diallo’s cost of €21 million plus €20 million is not insignificant, however, inevitably inviting questions about why United refused the extra money for Sancho. Diallo has been scouted since 2016 and is considered one of the most exciting prospects in Italy. There are echoes when Anthony Martial signed for big expense and little experience and became Joel Glazer’s favourite player.
Sancho will stay in the crosshairs, for the next time trading opens. It’s understood he long since shifted his focus to a future transfer rather than moving in the current window. But it is anticipated more clubs will be in the reckoning for his signature by then.

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How I discovered the KKC - in JAIL. Lol. Also do you think corners and spades are the same game?

Warning this is a long tale of many prisoners, starting with me, getting hooked on KKC while serving time. Also a tale of friendship and running a gambling empire behind bars as well as my theory that the games corners and spades are one in the same.
So I have a history with drugs and it got me on probation which ended me in jail several times bc I didnt quit. The legal system isn't great at getting ppl off drugs but it's super good at putting us nonviolent offenders in jail where private jails can make money from the taxpayers for keeping us locked up. I've completed my probation now and had my record expunged so it's all behind me now but here's the story of how I found the Kingkiller Chronicle.
So I was in jail and I had a super whiney older guy as a cellmate. He seriously wouldn't stop whining and crying about having to be in jail for 2 more weeks. I knew I would be there at least 6 months and I thought I was going to prison for a couple years after that since this was my 4th probation violation. Luckily the judge liked me and let me off super easy. Well my whiney cell mate had 3 books sent in. I didnt have anyone to send me books, write, visit or put money on my books. It sucked. I tried telling my cellmate jails not so bad, I'd been a bunch. It's mostly like a really boring camp with awful food. He was scared of the other inmates. I told him I'd protect him lol. Even tho I was new there were a couple of people i knew from other places and they'd introduced me to all the cool people and I'd made friends with the important ppl to make friends with. I did my very best to keep my short timer cellmate calm while listening to him talk about how he cant do 2 weeks while i had years hanging over me.
Then one day my cellmate does something extremely dumb. He went to the guard and said he couldnt take it anymore. That he was losing it. I'd warned him about this. Told him how they wouldn't take him somewhere nice and comfortable and hold his hand and make him some relaxing warm tea. The damage was done though and so they got him and took him to the mental health pod. The kind of place with such nice amenities as non stop 24 hour screaming, throwing and smearing feces as well as the unpredictable violently insane. Oh well. I warned him.
When he left he left his books though. Score. 2 of these books were junk but hmm what's this? The Name of The Wind. This looks cool. I'll give it a try. I was hooked. On free time when everyone's allowed out of their cells I asked some of the guys about it and no one had heard of it except a guy we will call H. H was a big guy and quite feared. I liked him and would sometimes talk to him about game of thrones, wheel of time, red rising and other nerdy stuff. The vast majority of ppl in our unit were terrified of H tho. He was big but it was more his attitude. I once saw him get into an argument with a member of the bloods. H challenged him to fight and walked over to a place where the guard and cameras couldnt see. The gang member was scared and said something about having to "talk to his people." H without missing a beat told him "bring your people!" He was ready to fight them all. There were like 4 or 5 bloods in that unit and H would've wrecked them. Aside from being bigger than any 2 of them combined you could just tell he was the last guy in there to mess with. He was like a modern day viking berserker. The bloods sent 1 of their ppl to go apologize to him. Was hilarious. Another reason everyone feared him was bc when he was in prison 3 men with knifes came into his cell to rob him of his commissary. He was stabbed multiple times but gouged one mans eye out and literally beat another to death by getting him down and punching his throat multiple times. He also didnt lose his commissary. H wouldn't talk about this until I'd known him for months. I originally heard the story from another guy who had been at that prison. When we were finally close enough for me to ask he told me the whole story, every detail, with a far off glassy look in his eyes and he showed me where they'd stabbed him up.
Anyway, he had read NOTW and WMF both and said they were incredible. Since we had discussed books a bunch I knew we had the same taste in them. I read NOTW on lockdowns and played a card game called spades on free time when we were allowed out of our cells. Spades is very serious business in jail and prison. Surprisingly H barely knew how to play and he was very bad. I however was as good as anyone in there. I was definitely a candidate for best player, if not best then top 3 for sure. I started teaching H to play well and training him to be my cards partner. Then something very sad happened. I finished the Name of the Wind.
The next free time I brought out TNOTW and gave it to H bc he wanted to reread it. I told him how empty my life had become since finishing it. He said "hold on" and went to his cell and came back with a brand new copy of Wise Mans Fear!! Even though he had read it he was such a bro he had his ppl send him a copy bc they'd send him as many books as he requested. I was elated. Those 2 books made my time so much better when I read them. I'd read straight from lockdown at 10 30pm until breakfast at 3 30 am then go to sleep after breakfast.
By this point H was a very good spades partner and wed taken to calling it "corners" like in the books. I think spades may have been the inspiration for corners bc they seemed very similar. After H finished Name of the Wind he asked if another fantasy book nerd could read it. I was happy to let them. From there the book traveled all around the unit with everyone loving it. Hardened criminals talking about Kvothe or how much they hate Denna. I once heard a member of the Mexican mafia explaining to his homeboys how badass Bast is and quoting what he told Chronicler. The "I'll make a game out of you" threat. It was crazy. If you asked around what the best book in the unit was the answer youd get was NOTW and WMF.
I finished WMF and it started making its travels around the dorm also. H had ordered slow regard for silent things but I didnt like it as much. Still glad I read it. H also started ordering this series called the Gray Man which i really liked but i had several of the gambling inmates come to me with an offer. They wanted me to be in charge of all the gambling for the unit. Basically I'd hand out poker chips and keep up with how much each person had lost or won. I'd make sure losers paid and winners got paid. Everyone recommends staying away from stuff like this bc if you get caught you go to the hole (the 3 before me were caught), ppl could lose a lot and then say they weren't going to pay so youd either have to fight them or look weak and once you look weak in there it's over for you and also you become the person with the most commissary items of anyone in the unit so you can pay the winners which makes you the very best person to rob, you are basically a 1 man casino after all. The benefit is every hand of poker played I earned 2 poker chips. 10 poker chips was worth a pack of ramen noodles/65 cents. These guys played poker for 8 hours a day 7 days a week. I made $25 to $40 worth of food every day 2 poker chips at a time.
I had no reason to hoard this stuff since i only had 5 weeks left before release when i got put in charge of poker. I also was slick with it. I was good friends with the 2 biggest meanest dudes in there and so if anyone acted like they wouldn't pay their debt I'd say "that's fine, I'll cover your debt out of my pocket and you'll just owe me but I'm going to send you to collections" then I'd point out H and the other huge guy "and if they have to go in your cell, beat your ass and take your shit they're taking everything. Not just what you lost at poker. Then they're probably going to keep doing it every week bc you cant stop them and you tried to fuck over their good friend (me)" everyone paid after that warning.
One day I even overheard the crips talking about "robbing the poker game" aka robbing me. This was laughable. By this time H and I were cellmates. There were only 3 crips in the unit and as H was fond of saying "none of them weigh more than 90lbs soaking wet that's why they joined gangs". I told them any time they want to run into me and Hs cell they were welcome. Just lmk I'll leave the door open. They later came and apologized and said they were just talking shit. Running the poker game was stressful but worth it. Myself, H and a few other ppl who looked out for me when I had nothing lived like kings with what I earned off the table. We feasted everyday and had unlimited coffee. I also helped out other ppl who didnt get any store bc they feed you dinner at 3 30pm and you dont eat again til 3 30 am so if you cant buy food you starve all evening and most of the night. They fed us very little and the food was only edible if you had to eat it to live.
I never got caught running gambling. A long time ago I learned the Masonic code that freemasons used to use bc I was a really weird kid (it's super easy) so I just kept my records in that. Not a single person refused to pay their debt to me (and risk collections lol) and I made sure winners were paid out at the start of each day. And I knew which items each player liked the most and made sure they got them. Previous ppl in my position kept all the best items and paid out BS. There was a fight once when one guy got paid with 2 bottles of water. I didnt accept bottled water and envelopes and dumb stuff like that lol. By the time I left 75% of the unit had read the kkc. None of us knew book 3 wasnt out yet so you often heard ppl saying they were going to get it as soon as they got out. Alas I said this myself. The rumor was that it was only out on hardback and we weren't allowed to get hardbacks.
Well that's my wacky story of how I got introduced to the KKC and it lead to me becoming great friends with the guy even the guards were scared of. Hes in prison now but I write him every couple of months. He was such an awesome dude bc he would say whatever he thought like "oh you're in that gang? I think they're all a bunch of pussies" and "oh you're friends with so and so? Yea I know him I beat his ass and took his dope. Knocked him out cold. Hope that's not your homeboy". I later found out he just didnt like most people bc he thought they were fake and scared to be themselves and always obsessed with appearing tough. He said my immediate willingness to nerd out about fantasy books showed I had no problem just being me and thats why he warmed up to me and not many others. I was the same book loving nerd in jail as out lol. He gets out in January. I intend to hang out with him. I still haven't broke it to him about book 3 lol.
Also let me clear up that with my history and all my trips behind bars I can definitely defend myself though I'm an average sized guy. I've never backed down from a fight in jail and always refused to show weakness but having H as my best friend definitely made life easier on me bc to fight me they would've had to have fought him also. He would tell ppl that he and I were brothers and it was us against the world. Kinda a joke since all gang members call other members their brothers. Also gang members have these intricate dumb secret handshakes so we made our own which was just doing a fist bump but as soon as our fists hit we would both put our thumbs up. It was dumb and really must've pissed off the gang members. Looking back I'm lucky he didnt get out before me or they wouldve beat the shit out of me hahaha unlike him I cant take on 3 or 4 ppl lol or 2.
It was really cool seeing groups of tattood up hardened criminals sitting around talking about how they'd break out of the jail if they could use sympathy and all kinds of crazy kkc convos hahaha.
If anyone knows how to play spades how close to the game of corners do you think it is?
Sorry if yall read this and considered it a horrible loss of time you'll never get back. Just wanted to share how I found these great books.
TLDR Went to jail and was given the Name of the Wind and loved it and it lead me to making friends that made my stay in jail much better and 75% of the guys I was locked up with read and loved KKC. Also how I ran an illegal casino in jail. Also I think corners and spades are the same games.

poker chips explained video

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How I discovered the KKC - in JAIL. Lol. Also do you think corners and spades are the same game?

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How to Stack Poker Chips Poker Tutorials - YouTube